What's 18 inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night?

 

Crib death.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You asked.

 

I think you win.

 

Anyone else a fan of Anthony Jeselnik?

So awful. This reminds me of being 13 and reading the Truly Tasteless Jokes book.

 

Yes! I had two versions of this book around the same age. Explains a lot.

Here's one I heard....

 

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

 

Depends on how hard you throw them.

I think you win.

 

Anyone else a fan of Anthony Jeselnik?

 

Is he kind of an oddball that I've seen once or twice on the Comedy Central roasts? If so, yes.

A young girl and her father are out for a ride. They get into a horrible crash, both are taken to the hospital. The mother is called and rushes to be by their sides.

 

The girl has an injury to her eyes, and is blinded. The father is critically injured and about to die. The girl is brought into the room to say her last goodbyes. She is tearful and distraught, but her father, with his dying words, makes her promise that she will be "strong for mommy." The father dies. (Hey, you said dark humor)

 

Time passes, the girl is depressed from her father's death and her loss of sight. One day, the mother comes home and says "good news! the doctor gave me a spray for your eyes and we spray it in for thirty days and then you can see" The girl is super happy. Mommy sprays it in and then wraps gauze around her head. The girl cries. "it hurts mommy. it hurts so bad mommy." Mommy reminds the girl of the promise she made to her father.

 

Every day, for thirty days, the same thing. The pain is maddening, and unending. But the girl endures.

 

On day thirty she comes stumbling down the stairs. "today is the day mommy! today is the day!" They take off the gauze. The girl squints, opens her eyes, looks around. "But mommy, I still can't see!" "I know dear, April's fools."

 

That reminds me of an oldie but a goodie.

 

Q: Why is Helen Keller such a poor driver?

A: She's a woman.

I think you win.

 

Anyone else a fan of Anthony Jeselnik?

 

I love Anthony Jeselnik

This thread is so dark that I had to turn up the brightness on my screen.

Is he kind of an oddball that I've seen once or twice on the Comedy Central roasts? If so, yes.

 

That is him. He also hosted Last Comic Standing this past season and has a new Netflix special. I saw him in New Orleans a few years ago. They issued keys for the gates to hell as I left.

That is him. He also hosted Last Comic Standing this past season and has a new Netflix special. I saw him in New Orleans a few years ago. They issued keys for the gates to hell as I left.

He's decent most of the time, but I can only take so much of him.

Falling Dream

 

 

Perry Bible Fellowship is a nice collection of sometimes funny, sometimes tasteless, always a bit off center comics.

My girlfriend called me to say that she is HIV-positive.

 

As always, the trick is to act surprised.

Heard on bob and tom:

 

An old guy goes to the doctor.

The doctor says, "I have bad news. You have cancer and Alzheimer's".

The old guy says, " At least I don't have cancer".

What's hot, black and slimy?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Milk Duds in a microwave.

 

And you thought it was gonna be racist …