I despise most of your religious/political views. Then I see your love/appreciation of Karen Carpenter, the most beautiful voice ever.

 

= Mind Blown. :eek: :eek: :eek: (see my avatar)

 

 

She has no rival for best ever in my opinion. The purity of her voice made me melt.

 

Okay, now back to dark humor.

A teacher, a lawyer, a priest and three kids are on a plane. The engines go out. There are only three chutes.

 

Teacher: "Save the children!"

Lawyer: "Screw the children!"

 

 

 

 

Priest: "Is there time?"

 

Please say 5 Our Fathers and 10 Hail Mary's

Please say 5 Our Fathers and 10 Hail Mary's

 

I don't know how.

 

A ten year-old boy gets hit by a car at an intersection. A bystander sees the whole thing. She runs to the boy, cradles his head in her arms, and asks, "Do you need a priest"?

 

The boy weakly replies, "How can you think of sex at a time like this?"

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

 

"You can keep the tip."

What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

 

Christopher Walken.

What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

 

Christopher Walken.

I think told in reverse that might be funnier. But still pretty good :lol2:

For the older folks.

What kind of Wood doesn't float?

 

 

Natalie.

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

 

"You can keep the tip."

 

Just laughed out loud at that one.

Why don't people tell jokes about Jonestown?

The punchline is too long.

A Priest and Rabbi are walking down the street together when a seven year old boy walks by. The Priest turns to the Rabbi and says "Lets screw that little boy." The Rabbi looks at the Priest and says "Out of what?"

Three pregnant women are knitting sweaters for their babies at the OB/GYN waiting room.

 

The first one takes a pill out of her purse and says, "I want my baby to have a strong nervous system, so I'm taking a folate pill."

 

The second one takes a pill out of her purse and says, "I want my baby to have healthy blood, so I'm taking an iron pill."

 

The third one takes a pill out of her purse and says, "This is thalidomide."

 

The other two women look in horror. "WHY?!"

 

The third one calmly replies, "I just totally screwed up the sleeves on this sweater."

**A man goes to the library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, "No way! You'll never return it!!"

 

**What's the difference between "Thomas the Tank Engine" and Princess Diana? Thomas made it through the tunnel.

 

**Hey, have you played the Oscar Pistorius drinking game?

 

You wait for your girlfriend to go to the bathroom then take 4 shots!

That's the spirit, Frank!