That's not what I gather to be the point of the thread. I assumed in this discussion Ron is guilty.

 

How do you know Ron is guilty if you dont ask questions?

Keep reading slick.

 

So she gets a pass got it.

What happens when Sally hits herself and blames Ron.

 

His life is ruined and she has falsely accused him.

 

Ron loses his job and eventually when found innocent, his life is still ruined.

 

What should happen to Sally?

Her life goes on while Ron’s stigma of wife beater follows him.

Let’s keep this thread on topic. If you’d like to discuss false DV allegations, please start another thread.

So she gets a pass got it.

See post 78.

when do we shift our focus from trying to coddle the victim in the case to attempting to figure out the truth?.

 

A large portion of society doesnt really want to hear the truth. Not sure if its because it hits to close to home or what, but they dont want to hear it.

 

...

But shouldn’t we also seek to find out if Sally did do something to cause Ron to hit her? I’m struggling with what is wrong with that.

 

I'm late to this thread and haven't read all of the posts but...

 

The fact you're wondering if the victim "did do something" is why women don't always come forward when it happens. They have to listen to people speculate blindly what they did all in the name of protecting their guy ...in this case a college football coach.

I'm late to this thread and haven't read all of the posts but...

 

The fact you're wondering if the victim "did do something" is why women don't always come forward when it happens. They have to listen to people speculate blindly what they did all in the name of protecting their guy ...in this case a college football coach.

If you’ve read all of my posts in this thread you regurgitated what I’ve already said...

Delete

Children learn what they live.

If a girl sees her mom get smacked around by her dad, chances are, she will think that is how it’s supposed to be. So she will look for the same kind of man because that is her reality of love and respect.

 

Also—chances are that if a boy sees his dad smack around his mom—that very well could be interpreted as acceptable behavior.

 

I know—-not all cases. Not always the way. But if you asked a victim of DV about how her mom was treated.....

And if you asked a DV abuser about how how his dad treated his mom......

Let’s keep this thread on topic. If you’d like to discuss false DV allegations, please start another thread.

 

I thought I did stop after the poster said something.

I admitted I didn’t read it and I never posted another thing.

Ray Rice is a good example of someone who I think is probably an alright guy who made a horrific mistake in the public eye. We’ll agree to disagree I’m cool with that. Sorry I haven’t made my point crystal clear. It’s a tough subject to talk about coherently.

 

Why would you assume Rice is “probably an alright guy?”

It's an emotional subject. And being that we're human and flawed to begin with it makes it that much more difficult to discuss. Evolution happens throughout a lifetime, it's part of what makes us great and also makes us bad because we can evolve in any direction at any given moment.

 

I've witnessed domestic violence on one occasion. If I labeled my father as a coward or a low life after it happened then I can tell you without a doubt I'd never be as successful as I am now. And while that doesn't matter, my father evolved from that situation. He became better because of it. He realized he screwed up.

 

I also realize this is an exception rather than the rule.

 

I think the topic of trigger points is very relevant here, especially for men. I'm not talking from the point of victim blaming but more so from the point of understanding what causes a person to snap. I can see the point that @GrantNKY is trying to make, I think.

Domestic violence is the same to me in 2018 as it was in 1984. Any man who puts his hands on a woman is a sorry human being. Period. End of discussion. Even mental abuse is inexcusable IMO.

There is no science or study that shows the OP's contention that DV stems from the abused "starting it" or "doing something." Studies indicate a common theme - control. Could this lady have been abusive? Sure but stats say it's unlikely. History says this guy is like every other abuser - low self-esteem and wanting to impose his will/control.

Next week, I will have been practicing law for 21 years. Probably have conducted several hundred DV hearings. Have seen the full spectrum - truly haunting beatings on down to ridiculously fantastical made-up stories, and everything in between. I will say that, anecdotally, my experience is that the circumstances of DV have changed dramatically, but the underlying causes remain the same. The physical DV is obvious, but the pervasive and often non-physical DV is much more insidious. Monitoring cell phones constantly. Harrassing text messages. Stalking workplaces or utilizing spies. Cutting off from family. Cutting off from money. Cutting off from transportation. Telltale broken wrists or torn labrums from arm-grabbing that are reported as accidents at the emergency room. I've seen cases with a combination of these types of things that make Ray Rice look like a choirboy. And while the tech and facts are different than 20 years ago, the underlying causes is always will and control and often the feeling that another person is a possession.