You are incredibly naive.

 

If you'd rather question a victim of domestic violence than the offender, that's on you.

So be it. Better to be naive than it is to automatically assume the worst from everyone.

So be it. Better to be naive than it is to automatically assume the worst from everyone.

 

No it's not. :lol2:

 

You don't have to assume the worst from everyone to be realistic. "Very few really bad people" isn't realistic.

...and I'd venture to guess that if a female in your family were the victim of domestic violence, your tone would be much different. Or are you going to ask them "Well what did you do to cause it?" too?

 

That’s what I keep coming back to. If my children’s sig other placed a hand on my child I would spend every effort until my last breath to bring justice upon them, no situation/reason would matter unless the sig other imminently feared for their life. Thus that should apply in ALL cases - I just don’t see any gray area.

...and I'd venture to guess that if a female in your family were the victim of domestic violence, your tone would be much different. Or are you going to ask them "Well what did you do to cause it?" too?

My man my question has never been what did she do to cause it, my question is simply what caused it. Maybe she’s a drunk, maybe she’s a cheater, maybe she’s anything. Maybe they struggle financially, maybe they hate their jobs it can go on and on. Clearly none of these things excuse the violence, but these things could otherwise make really good people do a really bad thing. This kind of stuff matters to me and I think it should matter to a lot of people. It doesn’t change what he/she did, but it can change how we view DV and it can change how treat DV, and it can change how we prevent DV. Again I don’t care to be naive, but I do care about people.

No it's not. :lol2:

 

You don't have to assume the worst from everyone to be realistic. "Very few really bad people" isn't realistic.

It’s all about perspective.

My man my question has never been what did she do to cause it, my question is simply what caused it. Maybe she’s a drunk, maybe she’s a cheater, maybe she’s anything.

 

Read this again and tell me you see how it's contradictory...

It’s all about perspective.

 

What about perspective? All the people around you are nice so that means everyone is? What do you mean?

My man my question has never been what did she do to cause it, my question is simply what caused it. Maybe she’s a drunk, maybe she’s a cheater, maybe she’s anything. Maybe they struggle financially, maybe they hate their jobs it can go on and on. Clearly none of these things excuse the violence, but these things could otherwise make really good people do a really bad thing. This kind of stuff matters to me and I think it should matter to a lot of people. It doesn’t change what he/she did, but it can change how we view DV and it can change how treat DV, and it can change how we prevent DV. Again I don’t care to be naive, but I do care about people.

And what does any of that change? Short of Ron defending himself in a life or death situation it does not matter what Sally does. If Ron hits her that is 100% on Ron.

My man my question has never been what did she do to cause it, my question is simply what caused it. Maybe she’s a drunk, maybe she’s a cheater, maybe she’s anything. Maybe they struggle financially, maybe they hate their jobs it can go on and on. Clearly none of these things excuse the violence, but these things could otherwise make really good people do a really bad thing. This kind of stuff matters to me and I think it should matter to a lot of people. It doesn’t change what he/she did, but it can change how we view DV and it can change how treat DV, and it can change how we prevent DV. Again I don’t care to be naive, but I do care about people.

 

So while you think it's inexcusable, there could be some legit triggers...that would at least explain the actions of the aggressor?

It’s never acceptable. Have I not made that clear? Literally I’ve ended almost every post in this thread with it’s never acceptable to hit her. Stop pretending I’m justifying domestic violence. Nothing Sally could ever justify Ron hitting her unless he actually was in danger from her. All I’m trying to figure out is what actions were taken or not taken that could have avoided the situation. Saying Ron is a crappy person doesn’t cut it for me.

So again, if it's not acceptable then what the hell does it matter what Sally did?

Read this again and tell me you see how it's contradictory...

It’s not contradictory. There had to be something. Why was he upset? He just hit her out of thin air? You can say he has no excuse to hit her, but still figure out what led up to it.

What about perspective? All the people around you are nice so that means everyone is? What do you mean?

I don’t choose to live my life assuming the worst from everyone. I choose not to take that perspective.

And what does any of that change? Short of Ron defending himself in a life or death situation it does not matter what Sally does. If Ron hits her that is 100% on Ron.

Seriously? I literally just told you in the post you quoted how it changes thing.

It’s not contradictory. There had to be something. Why was he upset? He just hit her out of thin air? You can say he has no excuse to hit her, but still figure out what led up to it.

 

If it is inexcusable, why does it matter what she did?

Seriously? I literally just told you in the post you quoted how it changes thing.

No you didn't. You said it could change how we view and treat DV but you didn't say how. So how does it change how we view DV? I seriously do not understand where you are going with this. You keep saying it's never acceptable but then make statements like you did in that post.

 

So it's simple, DV is never acceptable under any circumstances. Any, never, ever, is is acceptable. Does matter what Sally did, period.