So while you think it's inexcusable, there could be some legit triggers...that would at least explain the actions of the aggressor?

Not explain. But rather give insight into what happened and why. Unless you tend to side with Deuce on the whole thing and that everyone who commits domestic violence is a horrible person. Just because you make one unforgivable mistake doesn’t make you a bad person. If we can figure out what we need to do to keep good people from making mistakes that’s what I’m worried about. In order to do it I think you have to have some sort of insight or their side of the story.

If it is inexcusable, why does it matter what she did?

Because it could prevent it in the future.

So while you think it's inexcusable, there could be some legit triggers...that would at least explain the actions of the aggressor?

That’s the only question that I think has merit here. For example, a woman I know was married to an enlisted man who was in Iraq for a while. During a disagreement after his return, he choked her. PTSD was determined to be a factor. However, not everyone that experiences PTSD ends up abusing someone.

 

Btw, she left him, but their then 3 year old witnessed the choking and has some serious issues as a result. Very sad.

No you didn't. You said it could change how we view and treat DV but you didn't say how. So how does it change how we view DV? I seriously do not understand where you are going with this. You keep saying it's never acceptable but then make statements like you did in that post.

 

So it's simple, DV is never acceptable under any circumstances. Any, never, ever, is is acceptable. Does matter what Sally did, period.

It can change how we view DV because so many people view it as black and white. He’s bad. She’s good. When in reality it’s probably closer to he’s good but made a horrible mistake. There is gray area there with how we view it and treat it. I choose to view it as it may actually be a good guy that needs a lot of help. Again to clarify my stance, it’s 100% never acceptable no matter what Sally did. But just because Sally is the victim doesnt mean we can’t examine what she did that made Ron so upset with her it escalated in his brain that it was ok to hit her for that split second. If Ron hit Sally unprovoked then clearly Ron is just a bad dude. But if it takes hearing Ron’s side of the story to figure how we can keep Sally, Sue, Sarah, Sam, etc. from being hit then I think that’s what we should do. There are warning signs that if both Ron and Sally can pinpoint before hand, it could help them in their relationship or any future relationships they may have. If this makes me a horrible person in your eyes so be it.

It can change how we view DV because so many people view it as black and white. He’s bad. She’s good. When in reality it’s probably closer to he’s good but made a horrible mistake. There is gray area there with how we view it and treat it. I choose to view it as it may actually be a good guy that needs a lot of help. Again to clarify my stance, it’s 100% never acceptable no matter what Sally did. But just because Sally is the victim doesnt mean we can’t examine what she did that made Ron so upset with her it escalated in his brain that it was ok to hit her for that split second. If Ron hit Sally unprovoked then clearly Ron is just a bad dude. But if it takes hearing Ron’s side of the story to figure how we can keep Sally, Sue, Sarah, Sam, etc. from being hit then I think that’s what we should do. There are warning signs that if both Ron and Sally can pinpoint before hand, it could help them in their relationship or any future relationships they may have. If this makes me a horrible person in your eyes so be it.

 

I know you’ve said you believe it’s not acceptable. But you’re doing a really poor job of getting this point across. It just sounds a lot like you’re looking to assign some culpability to the victim. I get that knowing why may satisfy curiosity, but ultimately, if a guy is smacking his wife around, unless his life is in danger, I can’t think of a reason why his side of the story matters. I don’t care if he has money problems, if she cheated, if his job sucks, etc. I don’t care how much of a jerk the victim is. That person doesn’t deserve to be abused. And even knowing those conditions ahead of time, won’t help you prevent DV. How does knowing “Ron” hates his job help you prevent him giving “Sally” a right cross to the jaw? People deal with that kind of stuff every day without being “triggered”. I don’t believe, and statistics show, these aren’t usually one time, one off events. The case of a “good guy” just snapping one, while being theoretically possible, is almost certainly the exception to the rule.

It can change how we view DV because so many people view it as black and white. He’s bad. She’s good. When in reality it’s probably closer to he’s good but made a horrible mistake. There is gray area there with how we view it and treat it. I choose to view it as it may actually be a good guy that needs a lot of help. Again to clarify my stance, it’s 100% never acceptable no matter what Sally did. But just because Sally is the victim doesnt mean we can’t examine what she did that made Ron so upset with her it escalated in his brain that it was ok to hit her for that split second. If Ron hit Sally unprovoked then clearly Ron is just a bad dude. But if it takes hearing Ron’s side of the story to figure how we can keep Sally, Sue, Sarah, Sam, etc. from being hit then I think that’s what we should do. There are warning signs that if both Ron and Sally can pinpoint before hand, it could help them in their relationship or any future relationships they may have. If this makes me a horrible person in your eyes so be it.

Right because I said you were a horrible person. I'm pretty sure I was clear why I was asking my questions. Plain and simple I had not idea what point you were trying to make. You've been all over the place in you comments in this thread.

 

Now that I think I understand the point you are making I will simply say I disagree. I don't think it's black in white in the way you say it is. I think it's black and white to most in that DV is never acceptable, no matter what. Whether Sally is a good person or not doesn't matter. Ron hitting Sally is all that matters. And in the majority of cases if Ron hits Sally, Ron is a dirt bag. That doesn't mean Ron can't change and it definitely means Ron needs help. I think Ray Rice at least was a dirt bag. Has Ray changed? Maybe...I can't say because I don't know him and I'm not around him.

 

If you want to dig deeper by all means. To be honest I really don't care...if you commit DV, you're a dirt bag that needs help. Go get help, don't go get help...doesn't matter to me as long as you stay away from my family.

So while you think it's inexcusable, there could be some legit triggers...that would at least explain the actions of the aggressor?

 

I think a trigger is the thought of dominant

Most you see On news are big guys beating some smaller woman, especially in NFL.

 

I mean you don’t see a 5’1 100lb guy doing many beatings.

Right because I said you were a horrible person. I'm pretty sure I was clear why I was asking my questions. Plain and simple I had not idea what point you were trying to make. You've been all over the place in you comments in this thread.

 

Now that I think I understand the point you are making I will simply say I disagree. I don't think it's black in white in the way you say it is. I think it's black and white to most in that DV is never acceptable, no matter what. Whether Sally is a good person or not doesn't matter. Ron hitting Sally is all that matters. And in the majority of cases if Ron hits Sally, Ron is a dirt bag. That doesn't mean Ron can't change and it definitely means Ron needs help. I think Ray Rice at least was a dirt bag. Has Ray changed? Maybe...I can't say because I don't know him and I'm not around him.

 

If you want to dig deeper by all means. To be honest I really don't care...if you commit DV, you're a dirt bag that needs help. Go get help, don't go get help...doesn't matter to me as long as you stay away from my family.

 

What happens when Sally hits herself and blames Ron.

 

His life is ruined and she has falsely accused him.

 

Ron loses his job and eventually when found innocent, his life is still ruined.

 

What should happen to Sally?

Her life goes on while Ron’s stigma of wife beater follows him.

What happens when Sally hits herself and blames Ron.

 

His life is ruined and she has falsely accused him.

 

Ron loses his job and eventually when found innocent, his life is still ruined.

 

What should happen to Sally?

Her life goes on while Ron’s stigma of wife beater follows him.

That's not what I gather to be the point of the thread. I assumed in this discussion Ron is guilty.

That's not what I gather to be the point of the thread. I assumed in this discussion Ron is guilty.

 

Ok, Ron is guilty as charged. Hahaha

 

I didn’t get to read every thread.

It’s not contradictory. There had to be something. Why was he upset? He just hit her out of thin air? You can say he has no excuse to hit her, but still figure out what led up to it.

 

My Grandpa used to beat his wife and some of his kids. What lead up to it was that they were not able to prevent him from drinking. When he came home he liked to fight. Don't think his targets did anything to provoke him other than being there.

Right because I said you were a horrible person. I'm pretty sure I was clear why I was asking my questions. Plain and simple I had not idea what point you were trying to make. You've been all over the place in you comments in this thread.

 

Now that I think I understand the point you are making I will simply say I disagree. I don't think it's black in white in the way you say it is. I think it's black and white to most in that DV is never acceptable, no matter what. Whether Sally is a good person or not doesn't matter. Ron hitting Sally is all that matters. And in the majority of cases if Ron hits Sally, Ron is a dirt bag. That doesn't mean Ron can't change and it definitely means Ron needs help. I think Ray Rice at least was a dirt bag. Has Ray changed? Maybe...I can't say because I don't know him and I'm not around him.

 

If you want to dig deeper by all means. To be honest I really don't care...if you commit DV, you're a dirt bag that needs help. Go get help, don't go get help...doesn't matter to me as long as you stay away from my family.

Ray Rice is a good example of someone who I think is probably an alright guy who made a horrific mistake in the public eye. We’ll agree to disagree I’m cool with that. Sorry I haven’t made my point crystal clear. It’s a tough subject to talk about coherently.

My Grandpa used to beat his wife and some of his kids. What lead up to it was that they were not able to prevent him from drinking. When he came home he liked to fight. Don't think his targets did anything to provoke him other than being there.

In that case there is nothing your family could have done.

No you didn't. You said it could change how we view and treat DV but you didn't say how. So how does it change how we view DV? I seriously do not understand where you are going with this. You keep saying it's never acceptable but then make statements like you did in that post.

 

So it's simple, DV is never acceptable under any circumstances. Any, never, ever, is is acceptable. Does matter what Sally did, period.

 

What if Salley committed the abuse on herself.

What if Salley committed the abuse on herself.

Keep reading slick.