Chuck Norris jokes

[the poet]

When Chuck Norris crosses a street, cars look both ways.

 

Chuck Norris speaks in all CAPS!!

[happy ol' dad]

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toe, he randomly smashes furniture and roadside curbs.

[happy ol' dad]

Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.

 

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

 

The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: .

 

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

 

Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

 

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

 

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

 

The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s can halfway through the first chapter.

 

It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.

 

Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".

[KyTiger89]

Chuck Norris has touched MC Hammer....with a round house kick to the face.

[thewaterboy]

Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands, when he left they renamed it "The Islands" :banana:

[GrizzlyAdams]

Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands, when he left they renamed it "The Islands" :banana:

 

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

[happy ol' dad]

Deaf people did not exist until Chuck Norris was asked to speak a little louder at the McDonalds drive through.

 

A unicorn once kicked Chuck Norris. That is why they no longer exist.

 

Chuck Norris once killed a bird by throwing it off a cliff.

 

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

 

Chuck Norris has the eyes of an angel and the soul of a saint. He keeps them in a footlocker under his bed.

 

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

 

Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.

 

Chuck Norris was about to send an email when he realized it'd be faster to run.

 

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.

[happy ol' dad]

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

 

 

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

 

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

 

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

 

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.

 

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

[GrizzlyAdams]

Chuck Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

[KyTiger89]

The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real,it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

 

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

 

The following is a short list of what Chuck Norris cannot do: .

 

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

 

Chuck Norris email adress is Yahoo@chucknorris.com.

 

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.

 

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

 

God said let there be light.

Chuck Norris said say please.

[imo]

Chuck Norris does not recognize the periodic table, the only element he recognizes is the element of suprise.

 

Chuck Norris grinds his own coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.

 

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer...too bad he never cries.

[tenaciousD]

Chuck Norris found a wrong way to eat a reese's

[Pancake]

If you see Chuck Norris, then he sees you. If you don't see Chuck Norris, you are seconds away from dying!

[super]

When Chuck Norris exercises,the mechine gets stronger.

 

Scientists have discovered that one drop of Chuck Norris' sweat could take the space shuttle to Mars and back again.

 

Chuck Norris can kick-start a car.

 

Chuck Norris can hear silence.

 

The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once.ONCE

 

Before he forget a gift for Chuck Norris,Santa Claus was real.

[CC83MVP]

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he isn't pushing himself up, he is pushing the earth away from him...