Oxymorons...

[TonyDanza]

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

[owsleyking]

George Carlin comes to mind with several of those.

[CincySportsFan]

Why do we park on a "driveway" and drive on a "parkway?

[playtracker]

• If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
  
• What's another word for thesaurus?
  
• What do they use to ship Styrofoam?
  
• Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
  
• How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
  
• Does fuzzy logic tickle?
  
• If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
  
• What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  
• Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
  
• Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
  
• How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
  
• If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
  
• If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
  
• Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
  
• If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
  
• When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
  
• Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  
• Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
  
• Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
  
• Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
  
• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
  
• If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call the resulting company Fed UP?
  
• Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
  
• If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
  
• How come no one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning?
  
• Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
  

[saint4]

How much wood WOULD a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Riddle me this...

[paNDA]

And these phrases.........Awfully pretty, Bitter Sweet, easy payments, enormously small, even odds, firm estimate, first annual, good grief, great depression, good beating, jumbo shrimp, war games, zero deficit.....................

[20/20Hindsight]

My addition:

 

free gift.

[Clyde]

My addition:

 

free gift.

 

That's not an oxymoron though.

[alwayswrong]

I'm stupider for having read this.....

 

But -- laughing

[20/20Hindsight]

That's not an oxymoron though.

 

 

True, true. I jumped the gun a little with that one. It's more of a redundancy. Thanks for the pointing that out.

[True blue (and gold)]

If peanut oil comes from peanuts and olive oil comes from olives, what does baby oil come from?

[GrizzlyAdams]

I had a college class called Business Ethics, I think that is an oxymoron :lol:

[NEXT]

Gallagher comes to mind..

[Clyde]

Thanks for the pointing that out.

 

Now that would be sarcasm, right?:clap:

[20/20Hindsight]

Now that would be sarcasm, right?:clap:

 

 

I'll leave that up to your interpretation.