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Chris Cornell has died at 52


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If his death is without doubt ruled a suicide, then the obvious question would be "WHY"???

 

I don't think that I'll ever understand how someone could take their own life, and especially someone who has so much going for them like Chris.

 

If someone is dying a long painful terminal illness, then I'd get it. I guess that I have to count my lucky stars that I've never experienced depression so strongly to even come close to considering something like this.

 

My head is not daily full of sunshine, and I certainly know what it feels like to have mood swings, but I've always had a goal to see how long I can live, and though it's highly unlikely, I keep 100 in my mind as to what I'm aiming for.

 

I've dreamt of being a rock star ever since I was a kid, and though I didn't make serious attempts of going all the way with it, I have to admit that I idolize those who have.

 

I'm not so star struck as I was as a kid, and when I see guys like Chris who are my age who have succeeded, I consider them to be a contemporary who I admire for having the motivation to do what they love and follow their dreams, while kicking myself a bit for not really trying myself like I think that I should have.

 

You'd think that after coming off of the stage one would feel high about having just performed. Even the handful of times that I have, and especially if I felt good about pulling it off, I'd get such a rush from it.

 

I suppose that once it becomes old hat some can become jaded and no longer feel the buzz from it anymore. Some I suppose could feel that they've felt as high as they're ever going to feel, and that there's not much to strive for anymore.

 

Probably a cop out on my part to justify doing nothing, but perhaps there's something to be said about keeping a fantasy alive but not really seeing it to fruition. Silly as it sounds, I periodically still dream big for the fun of thinking about it, and then like always turn around and wave it off once more. I catch myself in a childlike moment thinking "When I grow up...etc..."... delusional sure, but it's all in fun.

 

Though I doubt that sense will ever really be made with Cornell's sudden and unexpected death, I do hope that some light could possibly be shed as to why.

 

He called himself a daily drug user as a teen, and he was in rehab 15 years ago for opioid addiction. I'm guessing he either found his way back onto drugs, or he was recently diagnosed with a terminal illness, much like Robin Williams.

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Andrew Wood/Mother Love Bone - Drug Overdose - 1990

Kurt Cobain/Nirvana - Suicide - 1994

Shannon Hoon/Blind Melon - Drug Overdose - 1995

Layne Staley/Alice In Chains - Drug Overdose - 2002

Scott Weiland/Stone Temple Pilots - Drug Overdose - 2015

Chris Cornell/Soundgarden - Suicide - 2017

So much talent on that list.
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Andrew Wood/Mother Love Bone - Drug Overdose - 1990

Kurt Cobain/Nirvana - Suicide - 1994

Shannon Hoon/Blind Melon - Drug Overdose - 1995

Layne Staley/Alice In Chains - Drug Overdose - 2002

Scott Weiland/Stone Temple Pilots - Drug Overdose - 2015

Chris Cornell/Soundgarden - Suicide - 2017

 

Bradley Nowell/Sublime - Overdose - 1996

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This time last night he was performing. Less than two hours later, he was gone. Did he know he was going to take his own life as he sang? Was he thinking about it onstage? We'll never know those answers with any certainty, but it's weighed on my mind all day.

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Andrew Wood/Mother Love Bone - Drug Overdose - 1990

Kurt Cobain/Nirvana - Suicide - 1994

Shannon Hoon/Blind Melon - Drug Overdose - 1995

Layne Staley/Alice In Chains - Drug Overdose - 2002

Scott Weiland/Stone Temple Pilots - Drug Overdose - 2015

Chris Cornell/Soundgarden - Suicide - 2017

 

Here's a few more from 90's specific bands...

 

Mad Season bassist and bandmate of Layne Staley, John Baker Saunders died of a heroin overdose Jan 15, 1999.

 

Mike Starr original bassist for Alice in Chains drug overdose - March 8, 2011

 

Wes Berggren former guitarist of Tripping Daisy died of a drug overdose on Oct. 27, 1999.

 

After long morning the death of his friend, and as therapy for his own depression related to it, lead singer Tim Delaughter went on to launch the over-the-top bright and happy sunshine pop band the Polyphonic Spree.

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I keep thinking about how much of a gut-punch it is to hear about Chris Cornell's death/suicide. Obviously, as a kid whose adolescence occurred in the early 90s, it's easy to compare this feeling - at least in some regard - to the way I felt when I learned that Kurt Cobain, Layne Staley and Scott Weiland had died. Still, throughout the day today I have been wrestling with it in my own mind quite a bit, trying to figure out what was bothering me so much about the death of someone I have never met.

 

Anyway, a good friend of mine who happens to be a high school English department chair...and a much more eloquent writer than I am...posted something on Facebook today about Cornell's death, and it struck a very strong chord in me. I've known this particular friend since high school, and our adolescents years were strikingly similar in a lot of ways. Thought I'd share:

 

Just the other night, [my wife] and I played a short, impromptu game of "name that 90's song"--she played the opening bars of a series of tunes from her Apple Music account, and my job was to identify them as quickly as possible. When "Outshined" by Soundgarden came on, she was amazed that I named it literally within about two seconds--it only took the opening slide and first drop-D guitar chord. I ran and got my acoustic guitar, dropped the E string to a D, and played along as much as I remembered. She did not realize that I probably listened to that song a thousand times during middle school.

 

In the early 90's, I was a preteen at a tiny Catholic middle school that had just been added to the preexisting elementary. Thus, my class only had about 30 kids in it, fewer than 1/2 boys. In that insular environment, sports, particularly basketball, became the all-encompassing form of social government. I was low on ability and even lower on competitive drive, and my ineptitude, along with a larger-than-average skull and a pot belly, made me the object of a bit more than your typical adolescent ridicule. Recognizing that, in the grand scheme of things, I've had a very easy life, I will say that those two years were miserable.

 

The thing that saved me from a bog of shame and anxiety was loud rock and roll music. You may chuckle nostalgically and a bit smugly as you recall "the grunge era," but for this ostracized and deeply insecure kid, those musicians were fellow misfits. They were shaggy and given to melodrama, wore cheap and tattered clothes, had bad posture. But God, were they cool. And I defy you to sing like Chris Cornell. Try it...you'll look stupid.

 

Seeing Soundgarden with my big sister in 1992 at Lollapalooza, scrawling band names on my 8th grade notebook, buying a Soundgarden t-shirt--these were the first times in my young life that I actually felt cool.

 

I moved on to punk, indie, and other genres and escaped the middle school years. But before I did, Chris Cornell and his contemporaries taught me defiance. They taught me individuality. They taught me confidence. They empowered me. They taught me not to give a damn what anyone thought of me, or at least to affect that posture well enough so that few could tell the difference.

 

I played "Outshined" in my car on the way home from school today and was surprised to feel a prickle on the back of my neck and tears in my eyes. I, and many of you, find who we are in music. In at least a small way, I would not be the same me without Chris Cornell's music. I wish I could thank him.

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