Basketball fan needs advice or opinions

[oldballcoach]

What should a person do if a coach tells one of his players that they Suck! That is right that comment was said to a high school player from there head coach.

[ladiesbballcoach]

Have player FIRST talk to the coach about it before any other step is made.

[cshs81]

While I'm struggling to come up with a legit reason for a coach to say that or to think of a tone that it could be said in, I guess I'd ask if its a one-time thing or is the coach constantly berating the player. If its a one-time thing, as a parent, I'd let it slide.

 

We all have different levels of tolerance and mine is probably higher than the average parent so take that for what its worth. I don't have a problem with cursing by a coach. As a matter of fact, I'd have more of a problem with a coach telling my child "You SUCK!" than him/her cursing. That's me.

[3ptshooter]

What should a person do if a coach tells one of his players that they Suck! That is right that comment was said to a high school player from there head coach.

 

They are pretty lucky if that is all that is said to them! I have heard and witnessed much worse.

[Lunatic1]

Have player FIRST talk to the coach about it before any other step is made.

 

I think it takes a certain type of kid to be able to do this and depending on the age or ability this might not be a possibility.

 

One thing that I saw a girl do a few years ago that had an issue with her Coach, was write a note to them with her concerns. The Coach then approached her and talked to her about it. It still was between the 2 of them and she did not have to go confront the Coach. I thought it was a mature way to handle it without just complaining behind her back, and they worked through the issue.

 

Another suggestion would be to talk to an assistant coach that you trust. Ask if you heard him right and ask for advice. Most likely that Asst. will talk to the Coach and bring this to some conclusion for all of the parties involved.

 

Good Luck and I must say as a Parent I would be a little concerned if I heard this.

[crazy8s]

I believe that there are times when coaches say things without thinking of the "mental" effect that it can cause the player. With that being said, sometimes things are said to be a movitator to the player to get them mad at the coach and respond with better play. Sometimes that works and sometimes that doesn't- especially if that player already has confidence issues. Hard part with girls is that they tend to take things more personally and get their feelings hurt with harsh comments like ..." you suck." I don't agree with some of the things that coaches say and based on the situation, you will sometimes get more response with positive comments dished out appropriately. Constant negativity can be a BIG problem and can cause players to get "numb" to it and not respond well.

 

Hopefully, this was an isolated incident- people say things and don't always realize how they sound. I like the idea of the letter and going to the assistant - it is somtimes hard to approach your head coach with these types of things because they don't see why it is a big deal. If it becomes a habit, you might need to call a meeting with the coaching staff. If so, be prepared and have things documented.

[Hamilton Joe]

I knew of a coach that used that expression quite often with his players and team and that was usually on his calm days. The language that he used when he was really upset with a player or team isn't something that I can even print on here.

Back in the olden days this type of talk occured frequently and nothing was ever said. In this day and age and with everyone being so politically correct and kids having such ultra sensitive ears coaches can't get away with it has much. Regardless of what anyone thinks coaches are supposed to be an example and they should probably learn to channel their emotions in a more positive way.

[LIVINGOUTADREAM]

Being told you suck is nothing compared to what I have heard 10 to 15 years ago and even further back. If that was the only thing I was told playing today in relation to what I have heard years ago, I would probably not pay too much attention to it. I agree coaches need to set an example, but when I played and a coach got on me and said things I can't type on here, I took it in a way that at least coach notices me, whether its bad or good on the court. Its when coaches don't say a thing to a player is when he or she better start to get concerned.

[CoachK]

Coaches need to be a POSITIVE influence !! It is absurd to tell any kid they suck ! Coaches should not be judged by wins and losses but more importantly by the influence and life lessons they teach these young ladies and men.

 

I may be a little more sensitive than most ,but if a coach said this to my daughter I would be having a personal meeting with him or her. There are better ways to motivate players today. A coaches code of ethics should be made mandatory and training should be made mandatory as well. IF a coach breaks the code of ethics , there should be a progressive discipline plan which would result in firing after a couple mistakes. If you're always screaming at , cursing at, or just belittling players, IMO you aren't the right person for the job.

[cshs81]

Coaches need to be a POSITIVE influence !! It is absurd to tell any kid they suck ! Coaches should not be judged by wins and losses but more importantly by the influence and life lessons they teach these young ladies and men.

 

I may be a little more sensitive than most ,but if a coach said this to my daughter I would be having a personal meeting with him or her. There are better ways to motivate players today. A coaches code of ethics should be made mandatory and training should be made mandatory as well. IF a coach breaks the code of ethics , there should be a progressive discipline plan which would result in firing after a couple mistakes. If you're always screaming at , cursing at, or just belittling players, IMO you aren't the right person for the job.

 

How exactly would you measure screaming or belittling?

[stickymitts]

I've read a bunch of books on motivating players, the mental part of the game and such. Someone must've ripped out the pages where they say to tell a kid they suck....

 

Some of them were used books...

[ladiesbballcoach]

 

I may be a little more sensitive than most ,but if a coach said this to my daughter I would be having a personal meeting with him or her. .

 

I understand your wanting to have a personal meeting with the coach. As a father, I do would be very upset. BUT...

 

How does your personal meeting with the coach help your daughter develop. Depending on her age, and I am assuming HS age here, it shows her to not stand up for herself but instead let dad come in and save the day.

 

I like when dad, me, gets to be the big hero and save the day for my punkin'. But that does not always help her.

 

That is why I said, she has to be the one to have the first meeting. She has to learn to stand up for herself and say, "You ain't going to treat me that way." She MUST learn to stand up for herself. It is a trait that she can use in real life when a boyfriend starts treating her like crap. It is a trait she can use in real life when a boss starts treating her like crap.

 

Now, after the meeting (and I am not there), it continues or worsens, than it is my job as a parent to get involved.

 

But initially, it is my daughter's job with my encouraging, for her to learn to stick up for herself.

[CoachK]

I understand your wanting to have a personal meeting with the coach. As a father, I do would be very upset. BUT...

 

How does your personal meeting with the coach help your daughter develop. Depending on her age, and I am assuming HS age here, it shows her to not stand up for herself but instead let dad come in and save the day.

 

I like when dad, me, gets to be the big hero and save the day for my punkin'. But that does not always help her.

 

That is why I said, she has to be the one to have the first meeting. She has to learn to stand up for herself and say, "You ain't going to treat me that way." She MUST learn to stand up for herself. It is a trait that she can use in real life when a boyfriend starts treating her like crap. It is a trait she can use in real life when a boss starts treating her like crap.

 

Now, after the meeting (and I am not there), it continues or worsens, than it is my job as a parent to get involved.

 

But initially, it is my daughter's job with my encouraging, for her to learn to stick up for herself.

 

I agree partially with you. If the coach is screaming or belittling my daughter , I agree she needs to spread her wings and fly. If a coach tells her to her face she sucks, I am going to be talking with the coach.

If I ever tell a player she sucks I fully expect the parent to come talk to me. I have no problem in the world with a parent TALKING to me.

[okiefan]

What should a person do if a coach tells one of his players that they Suck! That is right that comment was said to a high school player from there head coach.

 

I think we look at coaches as somehow being able to say and do to children what our parents would not do.I can only remember 1 coach I have had who did not curse and use bad language and try to make us feel bad about ourself and as I get older I realize that is the coach I still seek advice from even today.Does our math teachers have a right to curse us or tell us we suck at math when we do not do what the math teacher told us to do?Neither should our coaches have a right to say we suck or to curse us.WOULD THE COACHES SAY IN FRONT OF OUR PARENTS WHAT IS SAID IN THE CLOSED PRACTICES?I think the new coach at Phelps is a good example as I watched the games we have played this year he is such a contrast to the other coaches who yell and jump and curse.Everyone is playing better and enjoying it more and I am sure most coaches are going to slip up sometimes but if they have the players at heart surley they would not say they suck.

[True blue (and gold)]

I understand your wanting to have a personal meeting with the coach. As a father, I do would be very upset. BUT...

 

How does your personal meeting with the coach help your daughter develop. Depending on her age, and I am assuming HS age here, it shows her to not stand up for herself but instead let dad come in and save the day.

 

I like when dad, me, gets to be the big hero and save the day for my punkin'. But that does not always help her.

 

That is why I said, she has to be the one to have the first meeting. She has to learn to stand up for herself and say, "You ain't going to treat me that way." She MUST learn to stand up for herself. It is a trait that she can use in real life when a boyfriend starts treating her like crap. It is a trait she can use in real life when a boss starts treating her like crap.

 

Now, after the meeting (and I am not there), it continues or worsens, than it is my job as a parent to get involved.

 

But initially, it is my daughter's job with my encouraging, for her to learn to stick up for herself.

 

 

This is an excellent post! Too many people want to be reactionary instead helping their child develop. Support her in what she does, but allow her to make first contact. If it happens again, address it.