It's Michigan Week. We want your best Michigan Joke! OK, U of M fans can also play.

[mcpapa]

Why does Michigan's field have artificial turf?

 

So the cheerleaders won't graze after the game.

[mcpapa]

What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a Michigan player?

 

A tattoo.

[mcpapa]

Why won't the girls play hide and seek in Ann Arbor?

 

Because nobody will look for them.

[mcpapa]

What do Michigan fans call it when the referres throw a game?

 

Saturday.

[mcpapa]

The huge Michigan freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach.

 

"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

 

"Wow," said the Wolverine coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"

 

"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.

 

"Great!" said the coach. "But can you pass a football?"

 

The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "If I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

[mcpapa]

An OSU man walks into a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender if he'd like to hear a good Wolverine joke.

 

"Listen buddy," growled the bartender. "See those two big guys on your left? They were both lineman on the Michigan football team. And that huge fellow on your right was a world-class wrestler at Michigan. That guy in the corner was Michigan's all-time champion weight lifter. And I lettered in 3 sports for the Wolverines. Now, are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your joke here?"

 

Nah, guess not," the Ohio State man replied, "I wouldn't want to have to explain it 5 times."

[mcpapa]

Just to show I'm not biased:

 

The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day they fell in a deep, dark ravine. Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, "The Buckeyes will win the national championship."

 

Snow White thought to herself, "Thank God... at least Dopey's survived!"

[mcpapa]

A Michigan assistant football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."

 

The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"

 

The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"

 

"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

 

At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

[MountainThunder]

How do you get a Michigan cheerleader into your dorm room?

 

Grease the door jamb and push.

 

Oh my! I just about fell out of my chair on that one! :laugh:

[Getslow]

(HHSBaller, you're absolutely right, all these jokes can be applied to other teams... I originally heard this about a Viking fan and a Packer fan but later heard it about Michigan-OSU while in college)

 

A Michigan fan and an Ohio State fan are walking along a beach during Spring Break and arguing about which team is better. The OSU fan trips and looks back at the Michigan fan with disgust.

 

"Why did you trip me?" he screamed.

 

"I didn't trip you, that lamp did," replied the Michigan fan.

 

The OSU fan reaches down, picks up the lamp and rubs some dirt off of it. When he does, a genie pops out.

 

"For releasing me I will grant you each one wish as your reward," said the genie.

 

The packers fan immediately piped in: "We've won a national championship this century so I get to vote first!"

 

After thinking for a moment, the Buckeye fan says, "I just hate those Wolverines so much. I wish that there was a wall that was one mile tall surrounding Ohio, and that all Michigan fans were in Michigan, and all Michigan fans were out of Ohio. I want the wall to keep all Michigan fans out of Ohio, but to keep all Ohio State fans in it."

 

"Your wish has been granted," responded the genie. And the Buckeye fan disappeared in a puff of smoke.

 

The Michigan fan sat there pondering until the genie finally asked, "What about your wish?"

 

He continued to sit, deep in thought, until he asked, "So you say the wall is a mile high all around Ohio and all of the Michigan fans are out of Ohio and all the Ohio State fans are in it?"

 

"That is right."

 

"Okay," said the Michigan fan, "fill the inside of the wall with water."

[mcpapa]

One day in a bus station, one man approached another and said, "I'd just about bet my life that you're from the University of Michigan."

 

"Why, yes I am" answered the other. "How could you tell? Was it my dashing good looks, my suave and debonair demeanor, my impeccable taste in clothing?"

 

"No," replied the first, "I saw your class ring while you were picking your nose."

[Getslow]

I love light bulb jokes...

 

Q: How many Ohio State fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

A: Three: one to screw in the bulb and two to talk about how Woody would've done it.

 

 

 

Q: How many Michigan students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

 

A: Two: one to screw in the bulb and one to complain about how they did it just as well as the ivy league schools.

[BuckNut]

From my buddy who had business in Columbus last week.

 

 

 

I walked into a conference room full of locals all loyal to OSU. They were already discussing the OSU/UM game. I entered and clearly stated that "I heard they are going to retire Clarett's number at the game this Saturday".....

"They just need to decide whether to go with #600930005 or #13".....

[oldrambler]

What is the only thing that is more macho than a Michigan football player??..............His Sister!!!

[oldrambler]

I'll Start if off.

Why did Mrs Schembechler always put Bo's Cheerios on a plate?

 

Because if they were in a Bowl he'd lose them. :jump:

 

 

 

 

 

One more.

How do you get a Meat-Chicken Grad off your front porch?

 

Pay him for the Pizza! :lol:

 

 

 

Go Bucks! Beat Blue!

:thumb: :thumb: Those are classic! Good stuff.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: