The money is not the issue that will cause resentment its the time spent working. If 1 person is out of the house working 40 hours and the other is out working 40 then the chores should be 50/50. I one is working 40 hours but the other is working 20 then the chores need to be 2/1 to be fair.

My wife stayed home while my daughters were raised. Now she works part time; more to get out of the house than any career aspirations. For most of our marriage (26 years) she did just about all the inside chores as she was home most of the day. Now that she works part time, I do some things but not as much as her. Outside chores are my baby. Regarding the money, I pay all bills and always will. We both agree that I am more organized to do so and I like to - she does not. It works well.

 

I will add this...if you are the person who pays the bills and manages the money, periodically go over your finances with your spouse so (1) he/she knows how (bill payer system at bank, passwords, etc) if something happens to you and (2) he/she knows your financial situation. I have started making a point of doing this with my wife now that I am in my 50's - and made sure she has met our financial planner a couple of times so if something happens to me, she knows where to turn.

 

Yes, she does know where everything is and she does look at financial things at times, especially if we are planning a big expense. We have only two major debts mortgage and the lease on her car. We pay credit cards off every month. There are times she asks can we afford this or I am going shopping for the grandkids or herself and asks how much should/can she spend. I just tell her and all is good.

 

She knows where the money goes and I have a spreadsheet that tracks everything. She and our kids know where all important documents and passwords/user names are. Having spent the past year helping my mom put my stepdad in a Memory Care facility has taught us a ton on what is important to have and what to share and handle any assets or debts. She and he had no tracking info and just paid bills when they arrived. Whew what a mess that was. It's all good now, but working with my mom on this was worse than my kids. She just didn't want to change her lifestyle when she clearly needed to.

 

Back to the bolded stuff, she can do it if she needs to and can carry on if something happens to me.

My money takes care of most of the bills. Her money takes care of most of the food and toiletries. She pays the car insurance also and breaks off our oldest son in college money from time to time as well. We have separate bank accounts and I wouldn't have it any other way. She spoke briefly on a joint account and I shot that down in less than a second. She does the bulk of the house work and I do house work when she tells me too. It's not that I won't I just don't concern myself with it like she does. When she gets home from work she's still in her work clothes running the vacuum, putting up dishes and all that crap. Sorry, when I get home from work I'm not doing more work. It'll be there at 8pm when I am mentally removed from my day at work. Laundry gets done on the weekends. She does more laundry than I do but that's because she wakes up early and has a load in by 8am. I take the garbage to the dump, shovel obnoxious amounts of snow and pay the fella that cuts our grass. She whines from time to time but as I always tell her, "what did I not do that you asked me to do?" Simple process for me, if you want me to do something just tell me nicely and I'll do it. If you assume I am going to take care of those 3 bowls in the sink then you will be salty while I watch the NBA League Pass and those bowls sit in the sink. Seems to be working so far. Been together 14 years, married for almost 7.

My money takes care of most of the bills. Her money takes care of most of the food and toiletries. She pays the car insurance also and breaks off our oldest son in college money from time to time as well. We have separate bank accounts and I wouldn't have it any other way. She spoke briefly on a joint account and I shot that down in less than a second. She does the bulk of the house work and I do house work when she tells me too. It's not that I won't I just don't concern myself with it like she does. When she gets home from work she's still in her work clothes running the vacuum, putting up dishes and all that crap. Sorry, when I get home from work I'm not doing more work. It'll be there at 8pm when I am mentally removed from my day at work. Laundry gets done on the weekends. She does more laundry than I do but that's because she wakes up early and has a load in by 8am. I take the garbage to the dump, shovel obnoxious amounts of snow and pay the fella that cuts our grass. She whines from time to time but as I always tell her, "what did I not do that you asked me to do?" Simple process for me, if you want me to do something just tell me nicely and I'll do it. If you assume I am going to take care of those 3 bowls in the sink then you will be salty while I watch the NBA League Pass and those bowls sit in the sink. Seems to be working so far. Been together 14 years, married for almost 7.

 

What about all that cn|2 money you're making now? Does that go to the bills? :lol2:

In this discussion/scenario, party A has all the financial burden of maintaining the household/keeping it afloat. That's a lot to ask. In my personal opinion, it is not asking too much of party B to take on the majority (never said all) of the household chores. And gender plays no role here. If party A was the woman and party B the man, then the man should be doing the majority of the household chores.

 

 

1.) Children/self to support, car note, insurance, doctor, etc.

 

2.) I think 1 answers 2 as well.

 

I agree. Now to play devils advocate. Couldn't one person being responsible for all the household bills and the other being responsible for the majority of the household chores be considered a "50/50" partnership?

 

Subjects A and B share a domicile. A pays all the household bills, B does the household chores. B decides they don't like that setup. After a while, B finds themselves with their own domicile. Now guess what? They are now paying the bills for that domicile AND still doing the housework. Seems to me they had it pretty good originally.

 

In your first post, you stated that this was a FAMILY unit....man, woman, kids at home. This sounds more like A is "renting" their home to B, and instead of B paying rent to A, A thinks that B should "pay rent" by being the housekeeper.

 

If this is the case, then it is not so unreasonable, and A should put it in writing for B.

 

However, if A and B are "partners", husband and wife, and significant other---this won't fly.

What about all that cn|2 money you're making now? Does that go to the bills? :lol2:

 

If they want to pay me I am ALL EARS!!!! I'd make a career change without blinking!!

Married 20 years.

All money is combined.

Chores vary depending on how much she works (PRN) and how late my day is.

Credit card combined

 

No secrets. No hiding anything. It's worked pretty well so far. She could take everything at any time if she wanted to. I trust her not to.

Same here. Been married for many years with a joint bank account. We do not hide money from each other. I do remember when I worked for Accounting and Finance for the Air Force. People would return from deployments and request $100 bills and slip them in their wallet - said it was their secret.

I've never understood how married people can have different accounts.

 

What is the purpose of such an arrangement? Do you give loans to your partner if they're short ?

I've never understood how married people can have different accounts.

 

What is the purpose of such an arrangement? Do you give loans to your partner if they're short ?

 

This!

 

I've know people with split finances and I always felt like they weren't sure the relationship would last so they each wanted to keep their own money.

 

I know one couple that had a similar arrangement and the husband made the house payment and the wife made the car payments. Wife hounded husband forever for another (more expensive) house. They way over extended and could barely afford it...but wife didn't want to use any of "Her" money to help make the new much larger payment. It was a big sore spot in their relationship. Wife refused to help out on the mortgage because "that was their deal" but told him if it made him feel better to trade in his truck for a newer one. Husband went and got a $35,000 truck, just to spite her. Less than a year later both were broke, and had a house and truck they were upside down on.

 

Luckily no kids were involved in the divorce.

In your first post, you stated that this was a FAMILY unit....man, woman, kids at home. This sounds more like A is "renting" their home to B, and instead of B paying rent to A, A thinks that B should "pay rent" by being the housekeeper.

 

If this is the case, then it is not so unreasonable, and A should put it in writing for B.

 

However, if A and B are "partners", husband and wife, and significant other---this won't fly.

 

Roommates, domestic partners, husband wife...no difference in my mind insofaras my opinion to the situation. And yes, B could very well find themselves in another living space if they find themselves seperated/divorced from A.

"Get in the kitchen..."

 

With a baby on your hip and one in the oven. Don't even think about wearing shoes either!

I've never understood how married people can have different accounts.

 

What is the purpose of such an arrangement? Do you give loans to your partner if they're short ?

 

My wife and I have a joint account, and I also have an account of my own (which she knows about). When I get paid, the majority of my check gets deposited into our joint account. It's a guaranteed amount that we've decided is enough to help with paying the bills, which she does out of our joint account. The rest goes into the other account.

 

Since there's only one of us that has exact knowledge at any given point in time of what bills have already been paid/cleared, and what's still yet to be paid, it was easier to go ahead and create another account that I use for gas, impromptu purchases and emergency situations. That way, if I suddenly had to purchase 2 tires for one of the vehicles, I could use the debit card/checkbook from this account, without having to go the bank to transfer funds from a savings account, or having to check with her to make sure we weren't going to be short at the wrong time. (Or more likely, use the debit card for a purchase, and forget to tell her about it!)

My wife and I have a joint account, and I also have an account of my own (which she knows about). When I get paid, the majority of my check gets deposited into our joint account. It's a guaranteed amount that we've decided is enough to help with paying the bills, which she does out of our joint account. The rest goes into the other account.

 

Since there's only one of us that has exact knowledge at any given point in time of what bills have already been paid/cleared, and what's still yet to be paid, it was easier to go ahead and create another account that I use for gas, impromptu purchases and emergency situations. That way, if I suddenly had to purchase 2 tires for one of the vehicles, I could use the debit card/checkbook from this account, without having to go the bank to transfer funds from a savings account, or having to check with her to make sure we weren't going to be short at the wrong time. (Or more likely, use the debit card for a purchase, and forget to tell her about it!)

 

 

We have two accounts. One that pays all the bills that Mr. Cat is not allowed to touch. The other is for gas, convenience store stops, etc. for Mr. Cat to use.

We thought about going two accounts, but decided to go joint. She likes to deal with all the bills and balancing the checkbook, so more power to her. I pay for something and hand over the receipt for her to log-in, or whatever she does. I look at our financial relationship as if she is the accountant and I am the treasurer/clerk. Checks and balances.