How so?

I just like your take on marriage and kids and the like. It's refreshing, no matter whether I agree or not. Not raking you at all. I like it.

In this scenario the money is strictly separate, it is not mixed into one account. The one paying the bills, be it man or woman, pays everything specifically out of their income.

 

You say "our bills" in your quote. This brings an interesting aspect to mind. If the one NOT paying the bills DIDN'T look at them as "our bills", and looked at the one who does pay the bills as their responsibility, does that change any opinions?

 

I agree with what hoops has said about this. I guess the underlying issue, is what is happening with the other person's money? You say it's not being used, but is it being put aside for something specific? (College fund for the kids?) Or is it just spending money for that one particular person, to satisfy their lifestyle? Bottom line to me, is that if a marriage is going to work, there has to be contributions from both parties. If it's just one sided, it's pretty much doomed to fail. In your scenario, I just don't know all of the aspects to say who's right and who's wrong.

I pay the bills because she doesn't want to bother with it. She has no idea how much $$ we have at any time and in what account. When she needs money she says I'm running low and I give her some. On credit cards, I check the accounts often and only ask if there is something that might look odd. If we have an unusual month where the credit cards are getting a little high, we put them up for a few weeks and get things back in line with the budget. It could work the other way and I wouldn't care, she just doesn't want to be bothered with it. Only on big expenditures like carpet, counter tops, water heaters, new car etc. do we discuss things, determine what we will spend and prioritize.

 

As far as chores, we both share them and do whatever needs to be done, however, she doesn't let me do the wash much because somehow I don't do it correctly, I have no idea what she means but let her do it. I usually keep the kitchen clean and fridge stocked, but she will take care of whatever needs to be done. Overall, we hardly ever, if ever, argue about these things.

Mrs. BB tells me all the time if she didn't have to work 40 hours a week then all domestic duties would be 100 % taken care of...I haven't thought to ask what would get done if she only worked 20 hours a week !

My wife has never had to work outside the home. And I'm thankful for that. I think it's been the single key ingredient in raising 2 respectful young men. With that said, we never had to parse out roles. She takes care of the house, she pays the bills, does all of the domestic things within the house. The outside belongs to me and the boys. I wouldn't trade that for the world and am blessed to have been able for her to do those things, especially for the benefit of my sons. You show me a marriage where roles aren't somewhat defined and I'd plan on it's failure to some extent.

This is more true then some would want to admit. I'm not saying it's 100% the case but probably the majority. My wife and I have never actually said you this and I will do that. It just happens.

This is more true then some would want to admit. I'm not saying it's 100% the case but probably the majority. My wife and I have never actually said you this and I will do that. It just happens.

Agree. In a relationship where both people have the same goals and are working toward the same things, you just do it. If something needs to be done you do it. Then both can relax and enjoy their downtime together with each other.

 

Work hard. Play hard.

"My mother has not had a hot meal for herself in 15 years."

Defined roles are good and we follow them, but if necessary, my wife and I cover for each other. If she is running out to a meeting, I will do the dishes even though she does them on most occasions. Marriage is all about flexibility. Every time that I mistakenly said, "That's your job", I paid dearly for that comment (if you know what I mean).:sorry:

My wife is home from work today. If the house isn't spotless and dinner isn't ready upon my arrival there will be hell to pay.

My wife is home from work today. If the house isn't spotless and dinner isn't ready upon my arrival there will be hell to pay.

 

Don't forget meeting you at the door in that red lingerie with a cold beer and a smile.

Marriage should be a blend of roles, responsibilty, and flexibility to make the household run smoothly. My wife cleans and washes clothes and all of the domestic stuff, and the few times I've had to grab my boys by the neck was because they took advantage of that. She's your mom, not your maid. I don't leave my clothes on the floor and dirty towels in the bathroom. I expect them to do the same. We always seem to reach an understanding.

My wife is home from work today. If the house isn't spotless and dinner isn't ready upon my arrival there will be hell to pay.

 

"Get in the kitchen..."

My wife and I share a bank account. No "my money" or "her money" situation here. It's our money.

 

My salary pays for everything. Her salary has gone into savings since the day we said I do.

 

I handle the payment of 90% of our bills and manage our money. It's something I enjoy doing. I don't look at it as a chore.

 

We have very loose defined roles. I take care of the yard...she helps me with seasonal chores such as raking leaves. She takes care of the house and I often help her...she has the benefit of me being a very clean person and an absolute neat freak. She does her laundry, I do mine. She's more than happy to do mine if I ask her to, I actually just prefer to do my own.

 

I work shiftwork, 12 hour shifts. I have plenty of random days off through the week. I don't mind at all to pick up around the house and cook on those days off. She understand that on the days I do work, I don't have much free time outside of work and don't feel like I should spend my free time cooking or cleaning. I wake up at 4:30 AM, come home around 6 PM, shower, eat and watch a little tv. She handles everything on the days I work.

A somewhat related question:

 

We do share a bank account and that's our money. I also have a separate "rainy day" account of my own that she either doesn't know about or doesn't care enough to call me out on:lol2:

 

All of the money in this account money I've made working overtime through the years.

 

She works 40 hours a week. I feel anything past 40 hours a week on my end is "mine" (we use money from the extra shifts I work for vacations and other things) as long as our bills are paid.

 

Am I wrong for thinking this way ?

A somewhat related question:

 

We do share a bank account and that's our money. I also have a separate "rainy day" account of my own that she either doesn't know about or doesn't care enough to call me out on:lol2:

 

All of the money in this account money I've made working overtime through the years.

 

She works 40 hours a week. I feel anything past 40 hours a week on my end is "mine" (we use money from the extra shifts I work for vacations and other things) as long as our bills are paid.

 

Am I wrong for thinking this way ?

 

I won't say yes, but I bet there are a lot that would, ESPECIALLY if it's done in secret and she really doesn't know about it.