Big V...I say this in complete jest...but it sounds like you're looking for a certain answer that you can print off and show someone and say "hey, I'm not the only one who thinks this way". Unfortunately, I don't think you're going to get that answer here. :lol2:

 

No, not really. Topic of an office discussion and wanted to get opinions.

 

But I will say that I believe if person A is being held totally responsible for all the financial burden of the household, I have no problem with person B being held responsible for the care/cleaning of the household. I will also say I am somewhat surprised at the lack of responses that follow my line of thinking/opinion.

I have separate accounts from my wife that I put money in. She knows about them but doesn't really know how much is in the accounts because I handle all the bills. If she ever asks I would show her so I guess it's not really the same as a secret account.

We have our own bank accounts. As long as we both take care of our obligations (bills for me and groceries for her) and are putting what we have agreed we would into savings everything is fine with us. With my spare money I do about a 50/50 split between investing and blowing it (mainly on booze, triathlon, and aquarium stuff).

 

Judging by our closet I think 100% of her spare money goes into shoes.

 

We also have accounts we put a certain amount into for our races and vacations. This way we will have the money when we do one of those. Before we go on a trip we budget out a ballpark estimate and decide who is responsible for what. For a race, the person running the race typically takes the bulk of the cost.

No, not really. Topic of an office discussion and wanted to get opinions.

 

But I will say that I believe if person A is being held totally responsible for all the financial burden of the household, I have no problem with person B being held responsible for the care/cleaning of the household. I will also say I am somewhat surprised at the lack of responses that follow my line of thinking/opinion.

 

It might help if you can give us the answer to two main questions...

 

1.) Why is the second person working?

 

2.) What is happening with the money that they make?

It might help if you can give us the answer to two main questions...

 

1.) Why is the second person working?

 

2.) What is happening with the money that they make?

 

I'll add a 3rd...Why is person A solely responsible for the financial burden?

I think it's unreasonable. JMO. Paying bills doesn't take time anymore. It's as simple as setting things up online and monitoring that each payment comes out when it's supposed to. Doing the household chores is time-consuming. That's a lot to ask of one person who is spending 40+ hours a week working as well.

 

I really think understanding why one party is paying all the bills is a must. If it's because the other party doesn't think it's their "duty" or "job", then yeah, there's going to be issues. Also, what is that person doing with their money?

 

I would disagree with this. Paying a bill should be more than just making the payment, it should involve a strategy, in particular if it's revolving or credit related. Making a payment is one mechanic of managing money, the person paying the bills, if they are the 100% payer, should be managing the finances as they are doing this. If the other person doesn't have a clue about what is going on from the mangement side, they should.

 

I'll bet if the grass doesn't get cut for 2 weeks the "bill payer" is asking what's going on out there ? Most non money managing spouses have no clue about their finances

It might help if you can give us the answer to two main questions...

 

1.) Why is the second person working?

 

2.) What is happening with the money that they make?

 

 

1.) Children/self to support, car note, insurance, doctor, etc.

 

2.) I think 1 answers 2 as well.

BirdBrain, what kind of strategy should be involved? With 90% of all bills you have two options....Pay it, or don't pay it. If you have a credit card, obviously you can decide how much you're going to pay, but unless it's zero percent, you should be paying it off every month.

1.) Children/self to support, car note, insurance, doctor, etc.

 

2.) I think 1 answers 2 as well.

 

 

If that's the case, than it doesn't sound like person A is paying all the bills like you originally said.

1.) Children/self to support, car note, insurance, doctor, etc.

 

2.) I think 1 answers 2 as well.

 

Does this person have child support to pay outside of their existing marriage? Because everything else that you mention I would've put under household expenses...which is what you said the other person was paying ALL of. Somewhere I'm missing something.

If that's the case, than it doesn't sound like person A is paying all the bills like you originally said.

 

All the HOUSEHOLD bills...mortgage, electricity, water/sewer, trash, cable/satellite, household repairs, etc. Which depending on the size of the house/mortgage could be a substantial part of ones paycheck every month. Not to mention this person also has their own car payment, insurance, doctor visits, etc. they pay for as well, probably other things too.

Does this person have child support to pay outside of their existing marriage? Because everything else that you mention I would've put under household expenses...which is what you said the other person was paying ALL of. Somewhere I'm missing something.

 

Older children still somewhat on the apron strings.

Yeah, definitely not, now that we have established the other person is paying bills.

Yeah, definitely not, now that we have established the other person is paying bills.

 

I'm with him. If the other person did not work, then life as they know it would not exist. So that person IS bringing something to the table finance-wise. Sorry to burst the other person's bubble.

My wife stayed home while my daughters were raised. Now she works part time; more to get out of the house than any career aspirations. For most of our marriage (26 years) she did just about all the inside chores as she was home most of the day. Now that she works part time, I do some things but not as much as her. Outside chores are my baby. Regarding the money, I pay all bills and always will. We both agree that I am more organized to do so and I like to - she does not. It works well.

 

I will add this...if you are the person who pays the bills and manages the money, periodically go over your finances with your spouse so (1) he/she knows how (bill payer system at bank, passwords, etc) if something happens to you and (2) he/she knows your financial situation. I have started making a point of doing this with my wife now that I am in my 50's - and made sure she has met our financial planner a couple of times so if something happens to me, she knows where to turn.

My wife stayed home while my daughters were raised. Now she works part time; more to get out of the house than any career aspirations. For most of our marriage (26 years) she did just about all the inside chores as she was home most of the day. Now that she works part time, I do some things but not as much as her. Outside chores are my baby. Regarding the money, I pay all bills and always will. We both agree that I am more organized to do so and I like to - she does not. It works well.

 

I will add this...if you are the person who pays the bills and manages the money, periodically go over your finances with your spouse so (1) he/she knows how (bill payer system at bank, passwords, etc) if something happens to you and (2) he/she knows your financial situation. I have started making a point of doing this with my wife now that I am in my 50's - and made sure she has met our financial planner a couple of times so if something happens to me, she knows where to turn.

 

Excellent advice! Had a friend whose father died rather unexpectedly a little over a year ago. Said her mother knew absolutely nothing about their finances, and was completely lost.