Bullying leading to child's suicide. Who should be held responsible?

[Lil Sebastian]

After months of bullying, a 12-year-old New Jersey girl killed herself. Her parents blame the school. - The Washington Post

 

My view on suicide is dramatically different depending on whether it's an adult or a child. If it's an adult it's either a severe mental illness or complete cowardice. However if it's a child, I feel like it's a complete and total failure of the adults in that child's life. My question is where do you think the fault lies and to what degree should they be held responsible? I feel the school, the bullies' parents, and even her own parents, as sad as that is to say because they've been through enough, all have a certain level of responsibility.

[plantmanky]

The taunts, her parents say, soon took a toll on the lively young cheerleader and gymnast. At school, Mallory’s grades deteriorated. At home, she complained of constant headaches and stomach pain. She begged to stay home from school.

 

After the bullying began in October of last year, Mallory’s parents spoke to her teachers, counselors and school administrators — along with the students’ parents — pleading with them to help put an end to the ugliness.

 

Then, on June 14, Mallory took her own life. The manner of death was not disclosed.

 

Her suicide sent shock waves through her school district and wider community in New Jersey, home to one of the toughest anti-bullying laws in the nation.

 

On Tuesday, Mallory’s parents announced their intent to sue the Rockaway Township School District and its administrators “who ignored months of pleas to stop this,” their lawyer, Bruce Nagel, said in a news conference, alleging “gross negligence”

 

Nagel said he will file the notice of an intent to sue in the next few days, and plans to file the lawsuit in the months that follow.

 

Rockaway Township School District attorney Nathanya G. Simon told NorthJersey.com that the district had not yet received the Grossmans’ lawsuit notice.

 

“We anticipate that we will be able to make a statement soon,” Simon told the paper.

 

Nagel said the parents hoped Mallory’s death would underscore the “epidemic” of cyberbullying that is taking place in schools across the nation.

 

“We are here today to bring light to the fact that this small device can be a lethal weapon in the hands of the wrong child,” Nagel said holding up an iPhone in the Tuesday news conference.

 

 

[An 11-year-old boy killed himself after his girlfriend faked her death. She’s now facing charges.]

 

Schools have always struggled to combat bullying in hallways, classrooms and playgrounds. But the rise of the Internet and smartphones has made this challenge tougher. It’s easier for young people to do it and available for all to see, increasing the humiliation of the victim.

 

One recent study surveying 5,600 children nationwide between the ages of 12 to 17 found that 34 percent had experienced cyberbullying in their lifetimes.

 

Meanwhile, the number of adolescent suicides has risen dramatically in recent decades, according to a 2016 study by the American Academy of Pediatrics. The study found that bullying has a “clear relationship” with committing or thinking of committing suicide. Moreover, the study found that excessive Internet use was “strongly associated with higher levels of depression” and thoughts or attempts to commit suicide.

 

The family of Brandy Vela in Houston believes the 18-year-old fatally shot herself in November in part due to cyberbullying. They said others in the school ridiculed her weight, creating fake dating websites about her, saying she was available for free sex.

 

 

The Grossman family may also pursue legal action against the parents of the three or four girls who they say bullied Mallory. Mallory’s mother, Dianne Grossman, said she spoke to the mother of one of the girls the night before Mallory took her own life.

 

The mother dismissed the bullying, telling Grossman it was just a “big joke” and that she should not worry about it, Grossman said at the news conference. Three minutes after Grossman asked that the woman’s daughter stop texting Mallory, the girl sent a series of text messages to the 12-year-old, the family claims.

 

 

Dianne and Seth Grossman, parents of Mallory Grossman, attend a news conference in Roseland, N.J., Tuesday. (AP/Seth Wenig)

Each month since they became aware of the “relentless” taunts, the Grossmans say they complained to administrators, who promised to look into the allegations. Even hours before Mallory took her life, her parents met with school officials, begging them to do something. They requested that administrators file a mandatory Harassment, Intimidation, and Bullying (HIB) Report, but the school never did, Grossman said.

 

When Mallory’s grades took a hit, school officials focused meetings on her academics.

 

 

“They were not at that time concerned with her emotional well being,” Grossman said, even though her daughter’s usual A and B grades had plummeted to Cs and Ds.

 

“There was a pattern, a regular history, pattern of the school dismissing my concerns,” Grossman said.

 

Some of the cyberbullying against Mallory — at least two of the girls’ Snapchats — took place on school property, Grossman said. In Mallory’s final days, her parents were trying to move her to a private school, but “unfortunately she didn’t give us a chance to do so,” Grossman said.

 

The mother said she believes the girls directed their taunts at Mallory out of resentment.

 

“She was popular within her own circle,” Grossman said. She was an athlete, a “quiet child” and a “good student,” Grossman said.

 

“I think that she kind of represented what they couldn’t be, Grossman said.

 

[Video captured students kicking boy, 8, as he lay unconscious, police say. Two days later he killed himself.]

 

The Grossman family was fairly new to the school district — they moved to town about three years ago.

 

“It’s hard to understand that while she had a great circle of friends and she was liked among her peers and she was active,” Grossman said, “that still doesn’t quiet the noise of the girls that didn’t like her, and who decided to put a target on her back.”

 

Such snide remarks, dirty looks and intimidating messages can be extra hurtful during middle school, a complicated time when adolescents’ bodies and hormones are changing, and when social status at school means everything, Grossman said.

 

Grossman said she wishes the school had tried to gather the parents at the school to address the issue. She said she hopes this lawsuit might remind parents of the importance of constantly monitoring their children’s use of technology and social media. They should not assume that “‘my child would never do that.’”

 

She also criticized the fact that the school touted its self-assessed A grade in recent anti-bullying reports, giving itself a score of 74 out of 78 in the most recent self-assessment posted on the district’s website.

 

 

Attorney, Bruce Nagel, holds up a cell phone during a news conference in Roseland, N.J. on Aug. 1, as his clients, Dianne and Seth Grossman, listen. (AP/Seth Wenig)

New Jersey’s anti-bullying laws were toughened after an outcry over the suicide of a Rutgers University freshman, Tyler Clementi, in 2011. Just before he jumped to his death off the George Washington Bridge, Clementi found out that his roommate and another classmate had been using a webcam to spy on him having sex with another man, exposing his encounters on social media.

 

The new laws demanded more staff training and quicker reporting of bullying. They require that schools monitor, investigate and document episodes of child bullying. Superintendents who don’t to comply could lose their licenses, and students found responsible for bullying can be suspended or expelled.

 

In the aftermath of Mallory’s death, her family is creating nonprofit foundation to combat bullying, called “Mal’s Army,” Grossman said.

 

Mallory had two sisters and a brother. Her “beautiful soul and free spirit touched so many of us during her dynamic 12 years,” her family wrote in her obituary. She was described as a compassionate, creative young girl who loved nature, the outdoors and “flowers, every color and shape.”

 

She was “always crafting something” and often made and sold jewelry to raise money for her favorite charity, Camp Good Days, which provides summer camp experiences for children battling cancer and other illnesses.

 

“It was her giving spirit and love for all people and things that drove her to move mountains,” the obituary read.

[plantmanky]

What do you want school districts to do?

 

Even if you expel the bulling kids, it doesn't make it stop. Furthermore if the cyber bullying happens outside school hours, how can the school be at fault?

[Lil Sebastian]

What do you want school districts to do?

 

Even if you expel the bulling kids, it doesn't make it stop. Furthermore if the cyber bullying happens outside school hours, how can the school be at fault?

 

It seems at least a portion of the bullying did take place during school hours with pictures taken on school property. However, I feel that's beside the point. If it's brought to the school's attention there should be some sort of intervention protocol in place to stop it or at least prevent this outcome. I don't think that means jumping straight to expulsion of the bullies, but I do think it should include mandatory mental health assessments and interventions by professionals. This would obviously include the parents of the bullies so that they are fully made aware of what's going on by a third party and not the emotional parent of the victim.

 

Also, like I said there is more than just the school at fault. If I were the parent of the bully (I hope to God I don't raise a kid that bullies but I guess you never know for sure) then I know I would immediately revoke all social media access. If they need the computer for homework then I'm sitting my butt right next to them while they do it. That is a one strike and you're out offense in my book.

[plantmanky]

It seems at least a portion of the bullying did take place during school hours with pictures taken on school property. However, I feel that's beside the point. If it's brought to the school's attention there should be some sort of intervention protocol in place to stop it or at least prevent this outcome. I don't think that means jumping straight to expulsion of the bullies, but I do think it should include mandatory mental health assessments and interventions by professionals. This would obviously include the parents of the bullies so that they are fully made aware of what's going on by a third party and not the emotional parent of the victim.

 

Also, like I said there is more than just the school at fault. If I were the parent of the bully (I hope to God I don't raise a kid that bullies but I guess you never know for sure) then I know I would immediately revoke all social media access. If they need the computer for homework then I'm sitting my butt right next to them while they do it. That is a one strike and you're out offense in my book.

 

How do schools stop someone from doing something? They cant, the only thing they can do is remove them from the building. That doesnt stop it from happening, only changes where it happens.

[Hatz]

What do you want school districts to do?

 

Even if you expel the bulling kids, it doesn't make it stop. Furthermore if the cyber bullying happens outside school hours, how can the school be at fault?

 

My daughter was cyber threatened by a school mate when in High School. We took the offending page to the Principal and Vice-Principal. They showed it to the student who was then warned that this will go to the police the next time anything else appeared. He never bothered her again.

 

That was after school hours and it was a kid who was talking about the sexual things he was going to do to her.

 

I know these are probably different cases. But the truth is that administration either has to get involved or ignore it. If they ignore it, the do so at their own peril IMO.

[Lil Sebastian]

How do schools stop someone from doing something? They cant, the only thing they can do is remove them from the building. That doesnt stop it from happening, only changes where it happens.

 

They stop someone from doing something by providing the proper resources to help change the behavior i.e. the mental health assessment and intervention that I mentioned. Unless a child is pure evil, and though that does exist it is very rare, they are able to change from being a bully with the proper help. And the victim is able to be taught better coping mechanisms with the proper help.

[plantmanky]

My daughter was cyber threatened by a school mate when in High School. We took the offending page to the Principal and Vice-Principal. They showed it to the student who was then warned that this will go to the police the next time anything else appeared. He never bothered her again.

 

That was after school hours and it was a kid who was talking about the sexual things he was going to do to her.

 

I know these are probably different cases. But the truth is that administration either has to get involved or ignore it. If they ignore it, the do so at their own peril IMO.

 

Id argue that wasnt the schools place to intervene unless it was done inside the school walls.

[Hatz]

Id argue that wasnt the schools place to intervene unless it was done inside the school walls.

 

Argument is noted. Not agreed with but noted.

[John Anthony]

Bullying in schools is an epidemic today.

[Hatz]

Bullying in schools is an epidemic today.

 

Bullies + Drama Queens + Social Media = Huge Mess.

[CincySportsFan]

My view on suicide is dramatically different depending on whether it's an adult or a child. If it's an adult it's either a severe mental illness or complete cowardice. However if it's a child, I feel like it's a complete and total failure of the adults in that child's life. My question is where do you think the fault lies and to what degree should they be held responsible? I feel the school, the bullies' parents, and even her own parents, as sad as that is to say because they've been through enough, all have a certain level of responsibility.

 

I understand where there could be scenarios where the parents could bear some responsibility...but, I don't think that's the case here. They were aware of the problem, aware of what it was doing to their child, and contacted both of the other "authority" figures - the school and the other kids parents. You can say, well they should've pulled their kid out of school or maybe got her counseling. But, bottom line to me is that if the school or other parents had done anything, then none of that would've been needed.

 

Responsibility in this case belongs to the parties who were aware of the situation and did nothing.

1.) Bullying kids

1.a) Tie - School and bullying kids' parents

[plantmanky]

Bullying in schools is an epidemic today.

 

I dont know that its any more prevalent today than in yesterday's world. There are different avenues for it, and when it happens its more publicized, and in turn views on it have changed.

[plantmanky]

I understand where there could be scenarios where the parents could bear some responsibility...but, I don't think that's the case here. They were aware of the problem, aware of what it was doing to their child, and contacted both of the other "authority" figures - the school and the other kids parents. You can say, well they should've pulled their kid out of school or maybe got her counseling. But, bottom line to me is that if the school or other parents had done anything, then none of that would've been needed.

 

Responsibility in this case belongs to the parties who were aware of the situation and did nothing.

1.) Bullying kids

1.a) Tie - School and bullying kids' parents

 

Why not go to the police? Again why is bullying always a school issue.

[MJAlltheWay24]

I dont know that its any more prevalent today than in yesterday's world. There are different avenues for it, and when it happens its more publicized, and in turn views on it have changed.

 

I think it's definitely more prevalent today than in the past because of technology and social media. The bullying used to end at the end of the school day when the kid could escape home. Now because of facebook, snapchat, twitter, and etc., a kid can almost never escape it at times.