April 4, 20179 yr One of the toughest experiences is coaching your teen-ager through a breakup - ugh. I remember a painful breakup in college myself where I laid in bed for 2 straight days - lol. I think it’s important that we parents ensure our kids see their worth and value in multiple areas, academics, job, service, sports, their kindness, humor or personality – whatever it is. So they know in the back of their mind that they will eventually get back up and carry on when something goes wrong.
April 4, 20179 yr Without "help" from your parents? How? Well, I couldn't date till I was 16. I had friends with cars, for one. He went to DeSales, so when there was a football game (he played ), I would TARC it to Iroquois Park, walk down to DeSales and catch the pep bus to the game. Then a friend would give me a ride home. The other guy was my cousins best friend. They both had these really cool tricked out Vegas, he (or sometimes they) would come scoop me up and we'd do the date thing. If my cousin was with him, he could spend the night in the basement. If my parents let me go spend the weekend with his parents or at my cousins house, off to Big Clifty we went.
April 4, 20179 yr At the same time? Atta girl haha! LOL. I wish I was that cool. I really didn't explain that well. DeSales guy was Junior year. Grayson Co guy was Senior year.
April 4, 20179 yr I know this thread title sounds like something from the 1950's, but the teenagers who have done harm to themselves in NKy the last several years has got me thinking on this subject. My concern is that teenagers who cannot cope with the end of a romantic relationship because of not being emotionally mature enough to handle that kind of rejection, resort to harming themselves. During the teenage years, more than any other, we have a tendency to to draw our self esteem from the acceptance of others. When that acceptance is withdrawn, our self esteem, in many cases, collapses. As parents, we need some kind of Litmus test to determine if our kids are able to cope with that kind of rejection before allowing them to date. What exactly that is, I don't know. Unless you completely block all access to the world, you can't prevent your kids from falling for someone. You may not "allow" the to go on a date, but as @rockmom mentioned, there are ways around that. And in my experience, the harder you make it, the more resourceful they become, which down the road creates even bigger issues and teaches bad habits. You have to have open communication, but at some point you've got to show you trust your kid to make good decisions. And then not to go crazy when they inevitably make a bad decision. Sheltering kids in an attempt to keep them out of trouble rarely works.
April 4, 20179 yr Well, I couldn't date till I was 16. Oh, well you don't count then. :lol2: That kinda proves the point I was trying to make. After a kid is 16 and has friends that can drive, the parents aren't stopping them regardless.
April 4, 20179 yr Oh, well you don't count then. :lol2: That kinda proves the point I was trying to make. After a kid is 16 and has friends that can drive, the parents aren't stopping them regardless. But it wasn't because I went to an all girls school that I couldn't date. That had nothing to do with it at all. Plenty of my friends dated earlier. If you live somewhere with public transportation, it ain't rocket science.
April 4, 20179 yr I believe it goes back to the first post. Parents who have a solid relationship with their children - as leaders first, not their friends - who show them love and teach them respect for themselves and others, maintain boundaries and consistent discipline, raise kids who are better prepared to survive the challenges of life. I have seen too many kids who have no boundaries or discipline get into situations they are not prepared to handle. I have seen kids who were the focal point of the parents life...ruled the household if you will....get into real life and can't handle the fact that the world doesn't revolve around them. I could not agree more with this post. The software won't let me like more than once, though.
April 5, 20179 yr I believe the children are our future Teach them well and let them lead the way Show them all the beauty they possess inside Give them a sense of pride to make it easier Let the children's laughter remind us how we used to be Everybody's searching for a hero People need someone to look up to I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs A lonely place to be And so I learned to depend on me [Chorus:] I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows If I fail, if I succeed At least I'll live as I believe No matter what they take from me They can't take away my dignity Because the greatest love of all Is happening to me I found the greatest love of all Inside of me The greatest love of all Is easy to achieve Learning to love yourself It is the greatest love of all
April 5, 20179 yr I didn't read this thread but I wanted to make a general comment. I go out of my way to talk to all the young people I can and teenagers/young adults are so much more advanced today than they were in the recent past, parents/authority figures have very little real control over them.
April 5, 20179 yr Sort of found out last night what the opening post was potentially referencing and I apologize for my ill-timed joke.
April 7, 20179 yr You're not going keep any teenager from dating if they want to date, unless they go to a single-sex school. Watch me.
April 7, 20179 yr Blessedly, I am past the teenage dating era, but I do have some interesting memories. This is what I have learned... If you think you can control your teenager's behavior 100%, you are a fool. If you try to control your teenager's behavior 100%, it will backfire on you. They will find some way to monumentally defy you some where down the line. Kids are cruel, and few teens get through high school unscathed. Make your home a pleasant place of refuge, and try not to ask too many questions. Make yourself the parent who listens, comforts , and doesn't over react. Let them know you are there. You have spent the last 14-15 years preparing your child for this. They should already have the beginning tools for handling conflict, self esteem, and showing kindness. Noticing positive behaviors and saying "I am proud of you" means more than you think, despite the rolling of the eyes that you see before you. If your kid is on the giving end of cruelty, call them on it. Don't be afraid to ask questions about parties they will be attending. Don't be afraid to call and see if a parent will be there. Don't be afraid to drive by a party. Get to know the parents of kids they hang around. A good parent network is very valuable. Your child is likely going to date someone and a parent will know him/her. Avoid negative gossiping about other people's children. Your child isn't perfect either. A surprisingly huge amount of teenager's engage in S-E-X. Let them know in advance, that you are open and will be non judgemental to get them birth control. If you disapprove of the person your child is dating, you certainly do not want them to reproduce. Recognize that, despite your best efforts, teenager's will mess up, push limits, and try to get away with things they shouldn't. Punishment should fit the crime, but be followed with forgiveness. You are not going to be perfect either. Forgive yourself and move on. That is all the wisdom I have for the moment. Will post again when I am more inspired!
April 7, 20179 yr Blessedly, I am past the teenage dating era, but I do have some interesting memories. This is what I have learned... If you think you can control your teenager's behavior 100%, you are a fool. If you try to control your teenager's behavior 100%, it will backfire on you. They will find some way to monumentally defy you some where down the line. Kids are cruel, and few teens get through high school unscathed. Make your home a pleasant place of refuge, and try not to ask too many questions. Make yourself the parent who listens, comforts , and doesn't over react. Let them know you are there. You have spent the last 14-15 years preparing your child for this. They should already have the beginning tools for handling conflict, self esteem, and showing kindness. Noticing positive behaviors and saying "I am proud of you" means more than you think, despite the rolling of the eyes that you see before you. If your kid is on the giving end of cruelty, call them on it. Don't be afraid to ask questions about parties they will be attending. Don't be afraid to call and see if a parent will be there. Don't be afraid to drive by a party. Get to know the parents of kids they hang around. A good parent network is very valuable. Your child is likely going to date someone and a parent will know him/her. Avoid negative gossiping about other people's children. Your child isn't perfect either. A surprisingly huge amount of teenager's engage in S-E-X. Let them know in advance, that you are open and will be non judgemental to get them birth control. If you disapprove of the person your child is dating, you certainly do not want them to reproduce. Recognize that, despite your best efforts, teenager's will mess up, push limits, and try to get away with things they shouldn't. Punishment should fit the crime, but be followed with forgiveness. You are not going to be perfect either. Forgive yourself and move on. That is all the wisdom I have for the moment. Will post again when I am more inspired! Agree with all 100%!
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