"Son, there are three things you should never do:

 

Sword fight with Zorro, "pee" against the wind, and mess with your father!"

Guys read the book "poop my Dad says" remove poop from the title. The Dad in the book is a Kentucky native and went from the farms to becoming a Doctor in Radiology fir the Navy. He never lost his KY roots. It is a hilarious book, and will make you call your Dad to have a beer or set up a golf trip or go fish. Highly recommend it.

 

"Son, never mess with a Kentucky man when it comes to horses or bourbon."

In my preteen and through my teenage years a group of my friends and I had a "surrogate" mom and dad in the neighborhood. The guy's name was Gene, he would let us all hang around at his house and swim in his pool in the summer. In return we would all help him with things like pool maintenance, yard work and general work around his house. A great couple!

 

Two of my favorite sayings of his were:

 

If you asked a generalized question about something he'd answer with "how long's a piece of string".

 

The other one was ":poop: in one hand wish in the other, guess what you've got".

 

I really miss him and his wife.

Every time I say, "Dad, I'll be right back. I'm going to run to the store," he always says, "Don't run. You'll get tired. Drive instead."

 

To this day, when I am visiting him, I'll say, "I'm going to jump in the shower now." He always says, "Don't jump in the shower. You might get hurt." :lol2:

In my preteen and through my teenage years a group of my friends and I had a "surrogate" mom and dad in the neighborhood. The guy's name was Gene, he would let us all hang around at his house and swim in his pool in the summer. In return we would all help him with things like pool maintenance, yard work and general work around his house. A great couple!

 

Two of my favorite sayings of his were:

 

If you asked a generalized question about something he'd answer with "how long's a piece of string".

 

The other one was ":poop: in one hand wish in the other, guess what you've got".

 

I really miss him and his wife.

 

Dad's was "Crap in one hand and wish in the other and see which one gets fuller faster."

Me: "You know what?"

 

Dad: "Rabbit squat."

This one is not from my dad but my aunt used to crack me up when someone would ask her about her birthday.

 

"Isn't your birthday next week?"

 

"Yes. And you don't have to get me a thing.....but I wear a size 10."

As kids, any time we would whine or complain to our dad, he would say, "What do you want, eggs in your beer?!?!". He is now 65 and I asked him what that even meant and why he'd always say it. "Hell if I know" was his reply.

"I graduated fourth in my high school class."

 

I was reading the Smallest High School in the Boys Basketball Forum and remembered my dad used to say this, and had a good chuckle. When very young, I couldn't figure out why his five brothers and sisters laughed so hard.

 

Years later, I was struggling with freshman algebra, and he said I wasn't inheriting any math gene from him. With humor and compassion he related the real story behind the quote. In the late 1950s, he was struggling with precalculus in college. His adviser said, "I don't understand why you're having such a hard time with this; your transcripts show you graduated fourth in your HS class." Dad had to admit, "Yeah, but there were only twelve of us."

 

Might have supported his claim of being one of his school's all-time great athletes too. Anyway, I got to lead the response with aunts, uncles, and by that time a dozen cousins, every time he made the claim, with "Yeah, but ....."

 

Love you pop. Miss you.

"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride."

"That's one of those places you can't get to from here." Translation: places that aren't along the Interstate system and might require more than an hour of driving along secondary roads.

When I got a vasectomy 25 years ago.

 

"What a vas deferens a day makes".

One I'd forgotten until one of my brothers reminded me of it this past weekend...whenever my mom boils water for past or rice or anything, my dad looks into the pot and says, "Boiling water, my good friend, you will surely be mist."