How do you deal with a key player missing practice because parents make them do odd jobs?

[ChiefSmoke]

Interested to hear from the BGPreps community..... How do you deal w/ a key player missing practice because parents make them do odd jobs?

In the 32 years as a HFC, have been very fortunate to work in communities that can find ways to help kids work, make money, etc. 

 

 

[ATLCat]

Very intrigued to see responses.

I remember Belfry had a RB named Dwight Stepp, I believe, who fit this category in the 90's. He was tremendously talented but had to miss time practicing to work and ultimately could not play his Senior season so he could focus on it.

I think there are a bunch of social aspects you can look at here and variations of this question. I do think that these days it is a bit more efficient to work around some of these issues as it was 20+ years ago, but as long as people have financial needs there will be a call that tough decisions will be made that will be limited by the options presented.

 

[Pi]

Don't treat everyone equally. But treat everyone fairly. I remember a coach had a rule that 1 missed practice was 1 missed half, until his star player was committed to showing animals at the state fair. The rule changed!

Same thing, if they can contribute to your team but can't make every practice because of REAL familial obligations, I say let 'em! 

[okie1]

One of the big things is having a set schedule year after year and being consistent with that.  Things come up out of control, but if players and parents know expected times and dates before hand, I think that helps a lot.

[cigar35]

Err on the side of the player. Be flexible and don't paint yourself into a corner with black-and-white rules.  Every situation is usually different with a different set of circumstances.   

[PP1]

37 minutes ago, cigar35 said:

Err on the side of the player. Be flexible and don't paint yourself into a corner with black-and-white rules.  Every situation is usually different with a different set of circumstances.   

Agree, I would also avoid Sunday morning stuff. 

[Colonels_Wear_Blue]

On 3/17/2025 at 10:50 AM, okie1 said:

One of the big things is having a set schedule year after year and being consistent with that.  Things come up out of control, but if players and parents know expected times and dates before hand, I think that helps a lot.

I think answering the primary question from the thread title is going to draw an awful lot more on the art of coaching rather than the science of coaching. There isn't ever going to be one boilerplate answer to give because there isn't ever going to be one boilerplate situation. Family scenarios are all completely unique between the individuals involved, income levels, guardianship situations, trsnsportation situations, personalities, and a whole barrel of other things....and oftentimes "other things" may well even be impacted by what life is going to be after high school football careers have ended.

Okie definitely hit on one of the important elements of the science of coaching that helps to manage the decisions a coach will have to make in the end, though. Having a clear and well-communicated schedule for players and their parents to have in front of them from the onset of the year seems like one of the best tools in the shed for this task.

[TheDeuce]

Without giving it any thought, my initial reaction is that it depends on the situation. 

Does the player need to work or do these things for basic survival (food, water, shelter) etc? Or are the parents just making them do it because they think the kid needs to work?

If it's the latter, participating in a sport can more than fill that developmental need, IMO. 

[Falcon Pride]

It’s funny how work/things come up rarely happen on game days?

 

[rjs4470]

53 minutes ago, TheDeuce said:

Without giving it any thought, my initial reaction is that it depends on the situation. 

Does the player need to work or do these things for basic survival (food, water, shelter) etc? Or are the parents just making them do it because they think the kid needs to work?

If it's the latter, participating in a sport can more than fill that developmental need, IMO. 

I don't think there's a difference between the two scenarios. Either way, this is a parental choice, and all you can do as a coach is make a recommendation and inform the parents of the potential consequences. Outside jobs are a sticky situation, and ultimately as a coach, inserting yourself in any family situation/decision is problematic at best. I would treat a job the same as any other outside commitment a player has. Whether it's band, church, or other school activities, I'm ok with them honoring their commitments. But they still have to earn their spots and playing time based on what they do on the practice and game field and if the time they miss affects their ability to get the job done, then playing time could suffer.

They key is communicating this consistently, and not having such inflexibility or creating situations where you don't leave yourself wiggle room. In the end, if the player can manage a job and what is required of them to be a contributing teammate, outside activities that may sometimes interfere with practice are ok.

[Colonels_Wear_Blue]

28 minutes ago, Falcon Pride said:

It’s funny how work/things come up rarely happen on game days?

I hear you. But I mean, specific to football, that's only 10 specific days (plus potentially some additional for playoffs). So speaking personally about my situation missing practice in high school, in order for my parents to pay for Cov Cath my parents both needed to work. Part of my end of the deal for me to get to go there was that since it required my parents to both work, that meant I had to get a job to pay for a car/gas/insurance to get myself to and from school and practice. My job at a hardware store was okay for me to come ahead of time and say "I need these set gamedays off work," and they worked with me to schedule around practices when they could, but like in the spring and summer when they hardware store was hopping because folks are more busy with home improvement projects, that meant my job couldn't have me missing for the strength and agility camps we were encouraged to do in the summer, and it meant when July hit and we started having long days of the running program, conditioning, and practice, there were some days where my job said, "We need you here, period."

So it was legitimately a matter of me deciding job or football practice. Could I have found a different job? I guess so. Would a new job have been any more willing to work with my school and football schedule? Maybe. Would a new job have been less willing to work with my school and football schedule? Maybe. So I kept the job, and I missed some practices.

Point is though, my job was completely amenable to working with me to make sure nothing came up for a handful of game days, but they didn't have the ability to do that for all of my practice all of the time.

[Falcon Pride]

3 hours ago, Colonels_Wear_Blue said:

I hear you. But I mean, specific to football, that's only 10 specific days (plus potentially some additional for playoffs). So speaking personally about my situation missing practice in high school, in order for my parents to pay for Cov Cath my parents both needed to work. Part of my end of the deal for me to get to go there was that since it required my parents to both work, that meant I had to get a job to pay for a car/gas/insurance to get myself to and from school and practice. My job at a hardware store was okay for me to come ahead of time and say "I need these set gamedays off work," and they worked with me to schedule around practices when they could, but like in the spring and summer when they hardware store was hopping because folks are more busy with home improvement projects, that meant my job couldn't have me missing for the strength and agility camps we were encouraged to do in the summer, and it meant when July hit and we started having long days of the running program, conditioning, and practice, there were some days where my job said, "We need you here, period."

So it was legitimately a matter of me deciding job or football practice. Could I have found a different job? I guess so. Would a new job have been any more willing to work with my school and football schedule? Maybe. Would a new job have been less willing to work with my school and football schedule? Maybe. So I kept the job, and I missed some practices.

Point is though, my job was completely amenable to working with me to make sure nothing came up for a handful of game days, but they didn't have the ability to do that for all of my practice all of the time.

I understand your situation and appreciate what you did to go to CC.

I always default to what the other players think?  Why is his/her reason to miss any different than mine? Most people think THEIR reason is legit.

I just don’t think you can let kids miss but I know each situation is different 

Great thought provoking topic!

 

[TheBallCoach]

The problem is once you start bending rules for a player even if it’s from a good place in your heart, others will expect similar leniency for other issues that may arise. I had a buddy of mine back in the day who was a very solid HS football player who had to stop playing his JR year due to taking care of his family and making sure bills were paid. Luckily he was able to enjoy his SR year thanks to some change in circumstances at home but he knew, the coach knew, and all of us knew it wasn’t in the best interest of the team to rely on a young man who had bigger issues in life to worry about and for him it would’ve created more of a challenge to handle the unfortunate situation he was tasked with. All in all it’s never something you want to face, key player or not in order to run a successful program it is crucial to have all hands on deck and everyone bought into what is being done in the facility or on the field. That’s the special thing about this sport it creates men who can look adversity in the face, strap up the helmet and go full steam ahead. I know even in the brief 2 years in a well run program leading to his departure from the team that it hardened my friend and made him step up and become the leader of the household at 16 years old, because if not him then who? Just a tough topic to really dig in on because situations can vary from one to the next but personally I would just let it go, though I would still be there as a mentor to the young man that has been apart of my program for however long.

[Colonels_Wear_Blue]

35 minutes ago, Falcon Pride said:

I understand your situation and appreciate what you did to go to CC.

I always default to what the other players think?  Why is his/her reason to miss any different than mine? Most people think THEIR reason is legit.

I just don’t think you can let kids miss but I know each situation is different 

Great thought provoking topic!

Oh I completely understand how someone would default to that, too. I mean, facts are facts, there were guys on the team who were there putting in the work every day of conditioning and training camps and practice and I was not. I don't have any recourse to claim otherwise either.

But kinda playing devil's advocate....there's obviously a big difference between some kid who misses practice because they felt like seeing what was biting down at Cave Run Lake instead of going to practice, and someone who misses practice because their parents make them work a job. And then if you compare those two who missed practice to the kids who made practice....are there three tiers worth of "how much effort a kid puts forth" that the coach has to manage? It can get super convoluted pretty quickly.

Absolutely a thought provoking topic!

 

[RedHawk]

I’m just shocked some would see it a negative if parents are making a kid work a job or if they need to work a job for their circumstances. Absolutely crazy to me.

 

when my son interviewed with colleges he was asked about HS jobs and talked about that and the impact on being a student for way more time than the minuscule time they asked about being a student athlete  (and I obviously love hs sports)