So you penalize the kid for the parent being an idiot?

 

I would address the parent that they need to control themselves.

 

Amen. I have seen ADs at the high school level speak to out of control parents and advise them 'If you don't stop, you will have to leave.' If various officials at schools and leagues would step up and take this kind of action, these types of things would be fewer and further between. I have seen some coaches take this kind of action and have a very calm talk with the parent. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. But either way, the problem isn't the kid, it is the parent.

 

I am with you 110%, don't penalize the kid because the parent is an idiot!

OK -- I have it from three perspectives

 

1) I'm not perfect. It took another parent with a video camera to get me to calm down. Not negative, just way too loud.

 

2) When I coached (brief failed experiment), the first item of every season was a parent meeting. The first item was always, "Your actions can influence your child's playing time." This was all encompassing, from practice attendance, to home practice, to asking for more pt, to game conduct. Fortunately, I did not have to enforce this.

 

3) A couple years ago I was the center official for a big high school soccer match. Midway through the first half, the visiting captain asks me if I can do anything about the one dad that stands out as the "screaming idiot". I hesitated, asking why when the dad was a fan of that visiting team. He told me that it was his dad and happens every game, it was distracting and embarrasing. ---

Right or wrong, I asked the AD to address the gentleman. He did and sat near him in the second half. I was told that the dad was removed from the stadium not ten minutes into the second half. He couldn't keep his mouth shut (or quieter than it had been).

 

Keep it fun for the kids...

OK -- I have it from three perspectives

 

1) I'm not perfect. It took another parent with a video camera to get me to calm down. Not negative, just way too loud.

 

2) When I coached (brief failed experiment), the first item of every season was a parent meeting. The first item was always, "Your actions can influence your child's playing time." This was all encompassing, from practice attendance, to home practice, to asking for more pt, to game conduct. Fortunately, I did not have to enforce this.

 

3) A couple years ago I was the center official for a big high school soccer match. Midway through the first half, the visiting captain asks me if I can do anything about the one dad that stands out as the "screaming idiot". I hesitated, asking why when the dad was a fan of that visiting team. He told me that it was his dad and happens every game, it was distracting and embarrasing. ---

Right or wrong, I asked the AD to address the gentleman. He did and sat near him in the second half. I was told that the dad was removed from the stadium not ten minutes into the second half. He couldn't keep his mouth shut (or quieter than it had been).

 

Keep it fun for the kids...

 

If parents only knew what their kids tell us (the youth coaches; pre-HS), a lot of them would be ashamed...

I agree with you DD about being upfront with the parents from Day 1. I call it my "Come to Jesus Meeting" when I spell out expectations for the kids and the parents before we have our first practice. It's the best - IMO only - way to handle it. I've been blessed to have very few issues - even on all-star teams, where the subs' parents have to adjust to Little Johnny sitting for the first time all season - but even straightforward talk upfront doesn't always prevent the behavior. Some parents simply can't control themselves.

 

I gave my little talk this past spring before my Little League baseball season (9 & 10 year olds, mind you), knowing full well that one of the dads had a reputation for being "over the top". I even had a special one-on-one with that particular dad. All seemed well at first...he was very quiet at the games. I should have suspected he was being too quiet... His son pitched for me...about 5 or 6 games into the season, we couldn't figure out why his son - who had remarkable control for his age - was bombing on the mound. Then we caught dad standing way behind the backstop sending him pitching signals while he was on the mound, frequently countermanding the coaches' signals(!)

 

After every game, the dad would take the kid aside and basically berate him for any and all real and imagined shortcomings the kid exhibited during the game...

 

None of us were terribly surprised when the kid - who also batted better when dad wasn't present - turned DOWN an invitation to play on one of our all-star teams. Playing was simply too much of a chore for him...

 

As for kids quitting because of their own parents...I can assure you that it happens...furthermore, I can assure you that it happens far more than it should. Not sure about AHSPanther's experiences, but mine have come at the youth sports level...up to age 16... I've been coaching basketball and baseball for about 10 years each...and I have seen SEVERAL kids quit the game because it became too much of a job... Mom and/or dad simply made the games sheer misery for them. I could name you countless kids who simply performed better when their parents weren't at the game...and so many of those kids quit their sport before they reached HS because their parents had burned them out. The game just wasn't a game anymore, because it was no fun listening to the people you love scream at you from the stands.

 

IMO, that's the greatest tragedy of all resulting from the screaming parent. The coaches are adults; most coaches can handle it or they wouldn't be coaching. Officials are paid to be able to ignore loudmouths. But it's different when it's your mom or dad...

 

I will vouch for this post myself. I was absolutely a better player when my Dad was not at my baseball games, especially hitting. He would stand right behind the backstop and even if he didn't yell, it was totally distracting because I had to think about him and what he was going to say if I didn't do what he thought I should do. I never quit because I loved the game too much but I was definitely a better hitter when he wasn't at the games. And he always wondered why I didn't hit that way when he was there. :lol:

Come to a home game at Mt.Olivet and you leave saying HUUHH?? Some times my ears are ringing about everytime I leave and am guilty of it myself.

So many things discussed here are completely out of hand in high school sports, whether it is football, basketball or baseball. You can come to our games and see parents sitting on the first or second row coaching their child from beginning to end, parents who know nothing and I mean NOTHING about the game screaming at the officials and/or coaches and making absolute fools of themselves to where others around them are totally embarrassed for them to even criticizing other players (which to me is the absolute worst thing you can do). You can look around at the parents and if another player makes a good play or scores, they won't even cheer unless it is their child. I've watched this for a few years now and am so glad my children are out of high school as this was really not the case when they were coming through the program.

I totally agree that yelling at the kids while they are playing is distracting and an embarrassment to the person doing the yelling and the poor kid on the court. Next time, as fans, you see it happen, you should put that person in his place. No need to be confrontational but say something. If he thinks enough people think he is an idiot hopefully he will stop. The kid shouldn't be penalized with playing time. Usually the kids are just doing the best they can do. If the kid isn't doing his job (the coach's decision) then he should be pulled. It would be ashame to see a kid who is a true team player benched because of an unruly father who just doesn't get it. Speak up fans and tell the loud, obnoxious father to keep his mouth shut.

 

WAIT A MINUTE! I'm not sure I want to lob this grenade, but I have witnessed many a mother demonstrating this kind of behavior as well.

Yes, mom's are at fault too. No question about it. My point is this. Obnoxious behavior from both sexes should not be tolerated. If someone's behavior is distracting you or affecting game play, I don't think it is out of line to casually throw a dirty look his/her way, or even say something like "can you please back off". I would hope that this would be enough to embarass the mom/dad enough for them to quit. I agree with everyone posting here that the only person getting hurt by this behavior is the child. If you have an opportunity to help make a difference by a glance or a few words, you should try. If that doesn't work or your not comfortable with that and the actions continue, go tell someone with some authority and ask them to intervene. Maybe that's what it will take to make the guilty parent(s) stop. Maybe the parent(s) don't even realize what they are doing. Maybe it will take a few to stand up to make the nonsense stop. Better yet, if you know the person maybe taking him/her aside and discussing it with them will help. I don't think parent's realize how out of control they may appear when they are in the heat of the moment. I think sometimes all someone needs is a wake up call.

OK -- I have it from three perspectives

 

1) I'm not perfect. It took another parent with a video camera to get me to calm down. Not negative, just way too loud.

 

2) When I coached (brief failed experiment), the first item of every season was a parent meeting. The first item was always, "Your actions can influence your child's playing time." This was all encompassing, from practice attendance, to home practice, to asking for more pt, to game conduct. Fortunately, I did not have to enforce this.

 

3) A couple years ago I was the center official for a big high school soccer match. Midway through the first half, the visiting captain asks me if I can do anything about the one dad that stands out as the "screaming idiot". I hesitated, asking why when the dad was a fan of that visiting team. He told me that it was his dad and happens every game, it was distracting and embarrasing. ---

Right or wrong, I asked the AD to address the gentleman. He did and sat near him in the second half. I was told that the dad was removed from the stadium not ten minutes into the second half. He couldn't keep his mouth shut (or quieter than it had been).

 

Keep it fun for the kids...

 

The bolded parts contradict each other. As a kid, it's not going to be fun for me to sit the bench because my parent is making a fool of themselves.

Although I understand your point, I don't think this problem is an "8th region" thing...

 

Didn't mean it that way. Just that in a gym that is not all that crowded, the "Loud Parent" is heard moreover than in a crowded gym.

I have an idea!

 

Send the parent a copy of this thread if he/she isn't a member of BGP's or even if she/he are. Maybe just maybe seeing in the form of the printed word via a E-mail or being handed these comments, just might be enough for them to get the idea what their child thinks, or even what the other parents/fans/coaches think.

 

Guru/mods, if this is against the rules, then I am sorry for suggesting this but if it can help just one kid by someone showing this thread to a offending parent and it helps out their kid, then I am all for breaking a rule!

 

I hope you understand that my heart is in the right place, as I only want to try to help out a kid!

I must be the only one that finds the screamer as part of the show an can not wait tell the action begins. I don't think the kids even hear the screamer at least the ones playing. They get in a zone out there and most of the time don't even hear the coach screaming.So set back make sure you know who the screamer is so you don't get stuck in front of them, get a big bag of popcorn and enjoy the show.

Try sitting next to the screamer while video taping the game then give him a copy of the tape. Maybe he doesn't realize how bad he sounds.

I have an idea!

 

Send the parent a copy of this thread if he/she isn't a member of BGP's or even if she/he are. Maybe just maybe seeing in the form of the printed word via a E-mail or being handed these comments, just might be enough for them to get the idea what their child thinks, or even what the other parents/fans/coaches think.

 

Guru/mods, if this is against the rules, then I am sorry for suggesting this but if it can help just one kid by someone showing this thread to a offending parent and it helps out their kid, then I am all for breaking a rule!

 

I hope you understand that my heart is in the right place, as I only want to try to help out a kid!

 

Great idea!!!:thumb:

I agree with you DD about being upfront with the parents from Day 1. I call it my "Come to Jesus Meeting" when I spell out expectations for the kids and the parents before we have our first practice. It's the best - IMO only - way to handle it. I've been blessed to have very few issues - even on all-star teams, where the subs' parents have to adjust to Little Johnny sitting for the first time all season - but even straightforward talk upfront doesn't always prevent the behavior. Some parents simply can't control themselves.

 

I gave my little talk this past spring before my Little League baseball season (9 & 10 year olds, mind you), knowing full well that one of the dads had a reputation for being "over the top". I even had a special one-on-one with that particular dad. All seemed well at first...he was very quiet at the games. I should have suspected he was being too quiet... His son pitched for me...about 5 or 6 games into the season, we couldn't figure out why his son - who had remarkable control for his age - was bombing on the mound. Then we caught dad standing way behind the backstop sending him pitching signals while he was on the mound, frequently countermanding the coaches' signals(!)

 

After every game, the dad would take the kid aside and basically berate him for any and all real and imagined shortcomings the kid exhibited during the game...

 

None of us were terribly surprised when the kid - who also batted better when dad wasn't present - turned DOWN an invitation to play on one of our all-star teams. Playing was simply too much of a chore for him...

 

As for kids quitting because of their own parents...I can assure you that it happens...furthermore, I can assure you that it happens far more than it should. Not sure about AHSPanther's experiences, but mine have come at the youth sports level...up to age 16... I've been coaching basketball and baseball for about 10 years each...and I have seen SEVERAL kids quit the game because it became too much of a job... Mom and/or dad simply made the games sheer misery for them. I could name you countless kids who simply performed better when their parents weren't at the game...and so many of those kids quit their sport before they reached HS because their parents had burned them out. The game just wasn't a game anymore, because it was no fun listening to the people you love scream at you from the stands.

 

IMO, that's the greatest tragedy of all resulting from the screaming parent. The coaches are adults; most coaches can handle it or they wouldn't be coaching. Officials are paid to be able to ignore loudmouths. But it's different when it's your mom or dad...

 

Excellent post because of the accuracy of your statements. It is very unfortunate what parents can do to a game. I have a elementary aged son who plays some sports and the main thing I say to him after games is did you have fun? Unfortunately, I have observed other kids at 8 years old looking to the sidelines with that defeatest shrug because their mom/dad is yelling at them constantly to do something. I cringe every time.