December 1, 200718 yr The Grinch: Any calls? Grinch's Answering Machine: You have no messages. The Grinch: Odd. Better check the outgoing. Grinch's outgoing message: IF YOU UTTER SO MUCH AS ONE SYLLABLE, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key. The Grinch: Hmm. Hmm. Oh well.
December 1, 200718 yr Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color? A Christmas gram? Oh, what's that? I want one. You smell like beef and cheese. Congratulations!! You did it. The world's best cup of coffee. I'm here, with my dad, and we never met, and he wants me to sing him a song, and i was adopted, but you didn't know i was born...so i'm here now, and i found you....daddy...and guess what?? i love you, i love you, I LOVE YOU. He must be one of those south pole elves.
December 1, 200718 yr "And there were in that same country shepherds, abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them! And they were sore afraid... And the angel said to them: 'Fear not, for I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you: you shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.' And suddenly there was the angel with a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, good will toward men... and that's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown." -Linus van Pelt, "A Charlie Brown Christmas" And for fun... "It's my bonus." "I hope it's a fortune, Clark." "I'll bet you do, Edward."
December 1, 200718 yr "Eddie,I coudn't be more surprised if I woke up and found my face sewed to the carpet."
December 1, 200718 yr Aunt Clara had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually 4 years old, but also a girl. Now, don't you feel terrible? Don't you feel remorse for what you have done? Well, that's all I'm going to say about poor Flick. Adults loved to say things like that but kids knew better. We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught.
December 1, 200718 yr Ellen: Oh Aunt Bethany, you shouldn't have done that. Aunt Bethany: Oh dear, did I break wind? Uncle Lewis: Jesus, did the room clear out, Bethany? Hell no, she means presents. You shouldn't have brought presents. I love this one.
December 1, 200718 yr From Scrooged: James Cross: "Francis, you were a little rough on her out there. You know what they say about treating people on the way up" Frank Cross: "Yep, you get to treat 'em bad on the way down too. It's great, you get 2 chances to rough 'em up."
December 1, 200718 yr Let's make sure we all remember Rule 8 when posting in this thread. There's lots of funny quotes that just aren't appropriate for BGP. 8. Any attempt to use or suggest profanity is prohibited. This means you may not use symbols to replace some or all of the letters in a word that might otherwise be blocked by the BGP word filter. That includes using #$@, etc. in place of a filtered word.
December 1, 200718 yr Let's make sure we all remember Rule 8 when posting in this thread. There's lots of funny quotes that just aren't appropriate for BGP. 8. Any attempt to use or suggest profanity is prohibited. This means you may not use symbols to replace some or all of the letters in a word that might otherwise be blocked by the BGP word filter. That includes using #$@, etc. in place of a filtered word. My bad toots. It's been awhile.
December 2, 200718 yr My bad toots. It's been awhile. No problem. These type threads seem to always end up going in that direction so I just wanted to let everyone know to think twice before posting.
December 2, 200718 yr [Alice has just split her pants open at the rear while on a secret spy mission] Alice: I need assistance. I'm... exposed. Home Alone 3....not as good as the originals but this one is funny.
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.