What do you get when you put the girlfriends of a dozen West Virginia fans in one room?

A full set of teeth!

 

What did the average Michigan player get on his Wonderlic test?

Drool!

Kiffin,enough said.:lol:

Jim Tressel walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."

 

The player agreed, and Coach Tressel looked into his eyes and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"

 

The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"

 

"Did you say 4?" Tressel exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

 

At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

What do you say to an Ohio State football player dressed in a three piece suit?

 

Will the defendant please rise.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL: NORTH VS. SOUTH

 

 

STADIUM SIZE

 

Up north: College football stadiums hold 20,000.

 

Down south: High school football stadiums hold 20,000

 

ALUMNI

 

Up North: Take prospects on sailing trips before they join the law firm.

 

Down South: Take prospects on fishing trips so they don't leave for the NFL their senior year.

 

CAMPUS DECOR

 

Up North: Statues of Founding Fathers.

 

Down South: Statues of Heisman Trophy winners.

 

HOMECOMING QUEEN

 

Up North: Also a physics major.

 

Down South: Also Miss USA.

 

GETTING TICKETS

 

Up North: 5 days before the game you can walk into the ticket office on campus and still purchase tickets.

 

Down South: 5 months before the game you can walk into the ticket office on campus and still be placed on the waiting list for tickets.

 

FRIDAY CLASSES AFTER A THURSDAY NIGHT GAME

 

Up North: Students and Teachers are not sure if they are going because they have class on Friday.

 

Down South: Teachers cancel class on Friday because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class on Friday.

 

PARKING

 

Up North: An hour or two before game time the university opens the campus for game parking.

 

Down South: RV's sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend's festivities. The real faithful begin arriving on Tuesday.

 

GAME DAY

 

Up North: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

 

Down South: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting Game Day "Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots from up North who wonder why Game Day is never broadcast from their campus.

 

TAILGATING

 

Up North: Wieners on the grill, beer with a lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.

 

Down South: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by Hootie & the Blowfish, who come over during breaks and ask for a couple bottles of beer.

 

GETTING TO THE STADIUM

 

Up North: You have to ask, "Where's the stadium?" When you find it you walk right in with no line.

 

Down South: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day, it becomes the state's third largest city.

 

CONCESSIONS

 

Up North: Drinks served in a paper cup filled to the top with soda.

 

Down South: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot-filled less than halfway to ensure enough room for bourbon.

 

WHEN THE NATIONAL ANTHEM IS PLAYED

 

Up North: Stands are less than half full.

 

Down South: 80,000+ fans sing along in perfect 3-part harmony.

 

THE SMELL IN THE AIR AFTER THE FIRST SCORE

 

Up North: Nothing changes.

 

Down South: Fireworks with a twist of beer.

 

AFTER THE GAME

 

Up North: The stadium is empty before the game ends.

 

Down South: Another rack of ribs on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more beer, planning begins for next week's party.

Why doesn't the Vandy football team have its own webpage?

 

Because they can't put 3 W's together.

Two boys from Alabama were playing sandlot football, when one of the boys was attacked by a rabid dog. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board from a nearby fence, wedges it under the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck, thereby saving his friends life. A Birmingham television reporter hears of the courageous act and rushes over to interview the boy.

"YOUNG AUBURN FAN SAVES FRIEND FROM VICIOUS ANIMAL" he starts writing in his notebook.

"But I'm not an Auburn fan," the little hero replies.

"Sorry," said the reporter, "since we are in Alabama

and you were wearing blue and orange, I just assumed

you were." He starts writing again.

"ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE FAN RESCUES FRIEND FROM HORRIFIC ATTACK" he jots in his notebook.

"But I'm not an Alabama fan either," the boy responds.

"I assumed that everyone in the state of Alabama!

was either an Auburn or Alabama fan. Who do you root

for?" the reporter asked.

"I'm a Florida Gator fan," the boy replied.

The reporter starts with a clean sheet of paper from

his notebook and scribbles:

"LITTLE REDNECK PUNK KILLS BELOVED FAMILY PET

What is the difference between Steve Spurrier and God?

 

God doesn't think he is Steve Spurrier.

One foggy night, a Kentucky fan and a Louisville fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Lexington. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

 

The Louisville fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

 

Likewise, the Kentucky fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

 

The Louisville fan walks over to the Wildcat fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

 

The Kentucky fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

 

The Kentucky fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Cardinal fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Cardinal fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Cardinal fan hands it back to the Wildcat fan and says, "Your turn!"

 

The Kentucky fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

:laugh:

However, no self respecting Kentucky fan would be driving around with cheap Tennessee whiskey in their car. Maybe, Makers, Beam Black, Bookers, Woodford or Turkey....but never NEVER Jack!!!

A friend of mine that lives in Florida has a Blue Tick Hound. He said every year after the Gators beat the Vols in the football game the dog goes out and howls all night. I asked him what happens on nights when the Vols win? He said "I don't know, I've only had the dog 5 years"

BCS

BCS

 

This is the winner!!!!!!!!!!!! I was going to say John Cooper, but BCS is much better.

A friend of mine that lives in Florida has a Blue Tick Hound. He said every year after the Gators beat the Vols in the football game the dog goes out and howls all night. I asked him what happens on nights when the Vols win? He said "I don't know, I've only had the dog 5 years"

:lol: I like that one.

A college coed and his girlfriend from the University of Louisville had just finished a nice dinner Saturday evening during the late fall when they were walking around Papa John's Stadium when they noticed a door open leading inside so they decided to walk on in. Once inside the guy and girl start walking in the stadium and make their way down to the field where they start to make out. The guy then leads his girlfriend to the far end of the field where he lays her down and they begin making out once again. After about 30 minutes of making out the girlfriend looks up at her boyfriend and asks "Why did you bring me down here to this end of the stadium...are you afraid that someone was going to catch us?"

 

To which her boyfriend replied...."No...I just figured that no one from Louisville has scored in this end zone all season so I might as well have been the first!"

Why do the Tennessee Vol fans wear orange and white?

 

They can wear it to the game on Saturday…They can wear it hunting on Sunday…and they can wear it to work on Monday when they’re picking up garbage at the roadside.