A three legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw..."

a dyslexic walks into a bra ............

A German, Pole and Czeck went walking in the wood.

after being reported missing for a day or two the park rangers went looking...

they found two bears........mysteriously overstuffed bears.

one male and one female.

The autopsied the female and found the German and the Pole

What do you think...asked the first Ranger?

The Czeck is in the male....replied the second !!!!

What's the difference between an old tire and 365 used condoms?

 

 

One is a Goodyear and the other is a GREAT year... :bunny:

^Unless you're Wilt Chamberlain.

A homeless man walks in a bar and ask the bartender if he could have something to eat. The bartender tells him, "I can't give it to you for free but there is a few odd jobs you could do for me and I will give you all you want."

 

"What would you like me to do?" replies the homeless man.

 

The bartender says, "You see that guy at the end of the bar? That's my brother, he thinks he can come in here and drink for free. I need you to get the money he owes me. Next, there is a mean old pitbull out back with an abcessed tooth, I need you to pull it. Finally, my wife is up stairs and she is a sex maniac and I'm tired. I need you perform my husbandly duties."

 

"Fine" says the homeless man. He walks down to the end of the bar and punches the bartender's brother, knocks him out, and reach down gets his wallet and hands it to the bartender. Then he goes out back and you hear the dog barking and growling. After a couple of minutes the growling eventually becomes a whimper.

 

The homeless man then walks in the back door and ask "Now where is that woman with the abcessed tooth?"

A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas.

Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He stumbles out of the casino and finds a pay phone. He calls his wife and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I just won over a million dollars in Vegas."

His wife say, "That's wonderful. What should I pack for...Europe, the Caribbean?"

He says, "I don't care, just be gone when I get home.

These are all great.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks just in time.

This one's for Swamprat (and any other BGP computer geeks):

 

A SQL query walks into a bar and joins two tables.

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. He than hears this voice "nice shirt you have on" and knows it was not the bartender, but can't figure out who said it since there was no one else in the place. He than hears the voice say "that's a nice tie you are wearing". Man goes to the bartender--"who keeps saying all of these nice things to me?" the bartender responds "Oh that's coming from the peanuts, they're complimentary"

Bear and a Rabbit side by side taking a dump in the woods.

Bear leans over to the rabbit and asks:

" do you have problems with po#p sticking to your fur?"

Rabbit replies: "No, not at all...."

.....so the bear picks him up and wipes his but& with him.

 

:laugh:

 

That is my all time favorite........my second:

 

A big fat guy gets out of the shower at the YMCA.....

the guy already in the locker rooms looks at him and says:

"I'm sorry to ask, but holy cow, how long has it been since you've seen your you know what ?

"Long time" the big guy responds....

"Well then why don't you diet" the other guys asks?

The fat guy asks "Why, what color is it now?!"

I love Jay Hickman.

I love Jay Hickman.

 

Obviously Fmrkywrestler, you are a well educated, well adjusted person and I will now more closely read each word of your posts ........nice catch...