A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whiskey. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?" The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."

 

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?" "Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.

 

"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked. "Well," said the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."

 

"Weird guy," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"

 

"Rustling," said the bartender.

Bear and a Rabbit side by side taking a dump in the woods.

Bear leans over to the rabbit and asks:

" do you have problems with po#p sticking to your fur?"

Rabbit replies: "No, not at all...."

.....so the bear picks him up and wipes his but& with him.

 

:laugh:

Bear and a Rabbit side by side taking a dump in the woods.

Bear leans over to the rabbit and asks:

" do you have problems with po#p sticking to your fur?"

Rabbit replies: "No, not at all...."

.....so the bear picks him up and wipes his but& with him.

 

:laugh:

 

That made me Laugh Out Loud!!!

That is my all time favorite........my second:

 

A big fat guy gets out of the shower at the YMCA.....

the guy already in the locker rooms looks at him and says:

"I'm sorry to ask, but holy cow, how long has it been since you've seen your you know what ?

"Long time" the big guy responds....

"Well then why don't you diet" the other guys asks?

The fat guy asks "Why, what color is it now?!"

Edited May 28, 201214 yr by mcpapa

A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads "Panda: Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."!

A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He says, "Bartender! I 'll have two scotches. One for me now. And one for the road."

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home.

 

"Back in me pub in Glasgow," brags the Scotsman, "fer every four pints of stout I order, they give me one fer free!"

 

"In me pub in London," says the Englishman,"I pay fer two pint's o' Guiness and they give me a third one free!"

 

"That's nuthin'" says the Irishman, "In my pub back in Dublin, you walk up to the bar, they give the first pint fer free, the second pint fer free, the third pint fer free....and then they take you upstairs and you have sex for FREE!"

 

"Is that true?" asks the Scotsman. "Has that really happened to you?"

 

"Well, no," says the Irishman, "but it happens to me sister all the time!"

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

A rope walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve ropes"

 

The rope walks outside, ties himself into a knot and then shreds the end of his rope that is sticking out the top of the knot.

 

Then he walks back into the bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "Hey, aren't you that rope?"

 

Rope says "NO, I'm a frayed knot"

An Irishman walks out of a bar..

A conservative, a moderate, and a liberal walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hi, Mitt!"

A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7 and 2."

A conservative, a moderate, and a liberal walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hi, Mitt!"

:lol: Good one. The complete opposite of this one:

 

A black guy, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar.

 

The bartender asks, "What can I get you, Mr. President?" :lol:

 

Heard that one back in January at a trade show, but I like the Mitt one as well.

A priest and a rabbi are at a wedding. A 10 year old boy is bent over in front of them tying his shoes. Priest says, "I'd like to screw him." Rabbi says, "Out of what?"

A doctor, lawyer and a preacher were all on a hunting trip. The three of them were in a deer stand, when suddenly they all shot at a big buck. As the buck went down they all began to argue over whose shot made the kill. Approaching the dead buck, and still arguing, the preacher shouted, "See, I told you it was my bullet that made the kill. It went in one ear and out the other."

 

:jump: A joke you can tell in church.