Your kid and my kid are not playing in the pros

[theguru]

I don't care if your eight year old can throw a baseball through six inches of plywood. He is not going to the pros. I don't care if your twelve-year-old scored seven touchdowns last week in Pop Warner. He is not going to the pros. I don't care if your sixteen -year-old made first team all-state in basketball. He is not playing in the pros. I don't care if your freshman in college is a varsity scratch golfer, averaging two under par. He isn't playing in the pros. Now tell me again how good he is. I'll lay you two to one odds right now - and I don't even know your kid, I have never even see them play - but I'll put up my pension that your kid is not playing in the pros. It is simply an odds thing. There are far too many variables working against your child. Injury, burnout, others who are better - these things are just a fraction of the barriers preventing your child from becoming "the one."

 

Why are we spending our entire weekends schlepping from county to county, town to town, state to state to play in some silly regional, junior, mid-west, southeast, invitational, elite, prep, all- state, conference, blah, blah, blah tourney? We decorate our cars with washable paint, streamers, numbers and names. We roll in little carpool caravans trekking down the interstate honking and waiving at each other like Rev. Jim Jones followers in a Kool-Aide line. Greyhounds, Hawks, Panthers, Eagles, Bobcats, Screaming Devils, Scorching Gonads or whatever other mascot adorns their jerseys.

 

Somewhere along the line we got distracted, and the practice field became the dinner table of the new millennium. Instead of huddling around a platter of baked chicken, mashed potatoes and fruit salad, we spend our evenings handing off our children like 4 x 200 batons. From baseball practice to cheerleading, from swimming lessons to personal training, we have become the "hour-long" generation of five to six, six to seven, and seven to eight, selling the souls of our family for lacrosse try-outs. But why do we do this?

 

I know, I know. Your family is different. You do all these things because your kid loves to compete, he loves the travel basketball, she loves the swim team, it's her life, it's what defines him. Part of that is certainly true but a big part of that isn't. Tens of thousands of families thrive in this setting, but I'm telling you, from what I've seen as a clinician, tens of thousands don't. It is a hidden scourge in society today, taxing and stressing husbands, wives, parents and children. We're denying children the opportunity to explore literally thousands of facets of interests because of the fear of the need to "specialize" in something early, and that by not doing this your child will somehow be just an average kid. How do we learn to rejoice in the average and celebrate as a whole society the exceptional? I'm not sure, but I know that this whole preoccupation is unhealthy, it is dysfunctional and is as bad as alcoholism, tobacco abuse, or any other types of dependency.

 

I would love to have a son that is a pro athlete. I'd get season tickets; all the other fathers would point at me and I might get a chance to meet Sandy Koufax. It isn't going to happen, though. But you know what I am certain will happen? I'll raise self-reliant kids, who will hang out with me when I'm older, remember my birthday, care for their mother, take me to lunch and the movies, buy me club level seats at Yankee Stadium on occasion, call me at least four times a week and let me in on all the good things in their life, and turn to me for some comfort and advice for all the bad things. I am convinced that those things just will not happen as much for parents of the "hour-long" generation. You can't create a sense of family only at spring and Christmas break. It just won't happen. Sure, the kids will probably grow up to be adequate adults. They'll reflect on how supportive you were by driving them to all their games and practices and workouts. They'll call the ER from a couple states away to see how mom's doing but in time you'll see that something will be missing, something that was sacrificed for a piano tutor, a pitching coach, a travel soccer tournament. It may take years, but in time, you'll see.

 

Your kid and my kid are not playing in the pros | Guest Voices | NUVO News | Indianapolis, IN

[theguru]

Great read. And for the record, I see a lot of those parents.

[doomer]

I told my kids to never let someone else tell them what they could or could not accomplish and to pursue their dreams, and our jobs as parents would be to facilitate. They did not have to pick sports, or music or whatever. I get the jist of the article, but pursuit and support of higher goals, whatever the field, beats the heck out of mastering video games and keeping up with the latest TV show.

 

They were not allowed to do this however at the expense of doing all the other things we need to do...attend school, make good grades, be a good person....

 

It would seem to me the writer has a burr up his butt about something.

[MentschTrachtGottLacht]

.......

 

One minute our kids are all fat and we aren't getting them outside to play sports (and they are playing too many video games). Now we have them doing too many things and we're not letting them be kids.

 

Wake me up when the pendulum swings again and childhood obesity is the bigger issue.

[UKMustangFan]

Wow, that was an awful read IMO. Dude has some serious issues.

[hoops5]

He's not? Wahhhhhhh! :cry:

Thanks for running my day, Guru. :(

[Jumper_Dad]

I agree my kids aren't going pro...but one of them will taser and handcuff you and throw you in jail if you break the law and the other one may some day save your life.

 

Too many parents like the ones mentioned in the story have no concept of what their kids future is or may be. I've seen too many parents storm off from games that were won because there little precious wasn't the focus of the team enough, like NBA scouts are sitting there watching U8 basketball games at the local rec center.

 

Competition is GREAT for kids at all levels in anything they can compete in...parents should support the kids and competition but they should also be realistic. I've seen too many kids in the last 35 years transfer from school to school trying to get PT their parents thought they deserved.

 

Had a coach explain it in a parent meeting one day. He said, "I'll never talk playing time with you, I'll talk about it with your son but not you. If you want to know why your kid isn't playing more ask him, he knows why someone else is ahead of him. He also should know what he has to do to get on the field more"

[Content1]

Someone needs to give the author a hug and a trophy.......quickly! :jump:

[MentschTrachtGottLacht]

Someone needs to give the author a hug and a trophy.......quickly! :jump:

 

If you are going to blindly tell people they aren't parenting well, you better have a squeaky-clean house. His bio doesn't even list any children, which cracks me up.

[LRCW]

I always wondered what happened to the kids that got picked last in gym class.

[UKMustangFan]

His theory that if your kids are actively involved in sports, you're a bad parent is laughable.

[theguru]

His theory that if your kids are actively involved in sports, you're a bad parent is laughable.

 

I love it when a plan comes together!

[doomer]

I agree my kids aren't going pro...but one of them will taser and handcuff you and throw you in jail if you break the law and the other one may some day save your life.

 

Too many parents like the ones mentioned in the story have no concept of what their kids future is or may be. I've seen too many parents storm off from games that were won because there little precious wasn't the focus of the team enough, like NBA scouts are sitting there watching U8 basketball games at the local rec center.

 

Competition is GREAT for kids at all levels in anything they can compete in...parents should support the kids and competition but they should also be realistic. I've seen too many kids in the last 35 years transfer from school to school trying to get PT their parents thought they deserved.

 

Had a coach explain it in a parent meeting one day. He said, "I'll never talk playing time with you, I'll talk about it with your son but not you. If you want to know why your kid isn't playing more ask him, he knows why someone else is ahead of him. He also should know what he has to do to get on the field more"

 

 

I agree with most of your post. And parents, and I have been guilty of this, take a kid's game too seriously for one reason or another. The reason may not always be however what it appears.

 

On the subject of coaches, there are many good fair ones, and there are some that aren't. But, I can tell you absolutely from experience that the bad ones and some of the goods ones are very influenced by parents. Vocal parents, financially contributing parents, prior association parents, etc. and a 6-8-12-14-16-18 year old is seldom equipped to make a good case for themselves. Talking to a coach should be a last resort of a parent, and it should be in the form of a question: is there something xxx should be doing better that we should know about?

 

Lastly, we are one of those who moved and transferred a basketball player after his sophomore year. Contrary to some opinion, it had nothing to do with playing time. It had everything to do with getting him in a total environment where he would be happier and could succeed.

[LRCW]

I love it when a plan comes together!

So you don't agree with him?

[Randy Parker]

Great read. And for the record, I see a lot of those parents.

 

I think he goes overboard with some of it, but I agree with the author's overall premise.