Let me put it this way son. If you don't have the time to make the trip to ask him face to face for his daughter's hand in marriage, then he's probably not going to think you have time for his daughter.

 

There are no do-overs in this situation. Marriage is a huge commitment. Show him you're the man for such a commitment. Tell him you need to come up and talk to him and you don't want your girlfriend to know about it. He'll figure it out, sure, but that doesn't lessen the occassion, and he will only appreciate it more.

I definitely agree with this too.

 

Is it outdated, possibly. Doesn't mean it would mean any less to him.

Something else to consider. Just because a tradition seems outdated to us, doesn't mean it is to her parents. Christmas gift opening is the perfect example.

I personally don't think you should feel obligated to ask for permision/blessing to wed his daughter. I proposed earlier this month and did not speak about the situation to my to be in laws. I do not think that getting married is a decision that should be a family decision. It is a personal choice between 2 individuals and is about starting a new family. I know you want to make everyone happy, but what if you are not given permission/blessing? Will that stop you from proposing? If you are given a no and you still propose then you will burn a bridge and could start some major fighting. If you never ask in the first place you could be seen as a little unorthodox, but a major fight would more than likley not occur.

 

Good luck to you either way. Bottom line is this is a wonderful thing and either way something great will come of it.

I just wanted to add...IMO, we need to get back to "old" traditions and such. It shows responsibility, pride, morals, values, etc. I think it is great to ask for her hand in marriage. One of our foster daughters husband did this with PH....we both loved it. Our other did not....I wish he had because I would have expected PH to say no LOL LOL....you gotta understand, this guy is, well, I can not say because I would get the boot. They are not married yet, but, she still says she is going to marry him. I guess where I am getting at is this: The one who did speak with PH is respectable....the one who didn't is not. I am sure this is not the case with everyone, but, it is the responsible thing to do!

I do not think that getting married is a decision that should be a family decision. It is a personal choice between 2 individuals and is about starting a new family.

 

I am not married, but my mom constantly reminds me that when you marry someone you are also marrying your new in-laws. You will spend a lot more time with them then you thought. So it is more than just 2 people.

 

Anyone married agree with that?

I am not married, but my mom constantly reminds me that when you marry someone you are also marrying your new in-laws. You will spend a lot more time with them then you thought. So it is more than just 2 people.

 

Anyone married agree with that?

 

I agree whole heartedly (sp) with the statment, but I don't think the decision of marriage should be made by anyone but the 2 individuals getting hitched. The families of each person are important, but they are still not the ones doing the deed so it should be soley the decisions of the 2 getting married. Maybe that does not make sense, but that is how I personally feel about it.

A phone call should be acceptable...

 

I wouldn't take a chance on a dropped call in the middle of a conversation. It could ruin your self - esteem. I would definately talk to him in person, but if I may say as a newlywed myself. Don't do it period. Back out now and enjoy the rest of your life a free man, cause once your married, life as you know it ceases to exist.

The 2 individuals ARE the ones making the decision - the face to face "question" is simply a respectful gesture. Her parents love her and have raised her all her life, and it shows that you care enough about her AND her family to think that their blessing is important to you. Call the Dad and ask him to meet you for coffee or lunch somewhere halfway for both of you. You really want to start this thing off on the right foot.

I am not married, but my mom constantly reminds me that when you marry someone you are also marrying your new in-laws. You will spend a lot more time with them then you thought. So it is more than just 2 people.

 

Anyone married agree with that?

 

Amen, sometimes you can find the best girl in the world, and the in-laws can destroy it. Much like the christmas tree from Charlie Brown when he put that huge ornament on it. "you killed it."

I am only 19 and don't have a significant other but I can't imagine asking a girl to marry me without talking to her father first. Ten again I consider myself old school since I was raised a lot by my grandparents.

On a similar note, my daughter's friend wants her to do something with his family over Christmas break. HE has to contact me and ask. He won't do it because he feels I don't like him and he is scared of me.

 

His feelings of me not liking him stems from his story of "him telling my daughter he got drunk, she broke up with him and then him saying he was lying to her about getting drunk and he really didn't." I have just been asking for an explanation on why he felt the need to lie and pretend he DID get drunk.

Your daughter broke up with him because he got drunk? Whoa, that's a little harsh.

Your daughter broke up with him because he got drunk? Whoa, that's a little harsh.

 

I agree. I may never find a girlfriend if all girls are like this.

What's the old saying? A son is a son until he takes a wife, but a daguther is a daughter her entire life!

 

My own father died when I was very young and my father in law indeed was more of a father to me that my own father was. I could talk to him about anything and I mean anything. When "Dad" died three years ago it upset me as much as my wife and any of her brothers and sister. My brother (who has been married twice and divorced twice) once told me that I was so lucky to have such a great man being your father in law and that he was jealous of me for it....

 

I never after we got married refered to him as anything else but Dad and I loved that man because I knew he loved me, and I miss him so much!

I asked my Father-in-Law and showed him the ring and up until I asked her he couldn't stop giggling when we around each other. He said he was happy for us.