This is a question I have been thinking a lot about lately and I would like to receive your input.

It's seems to me that we give too much of our attention to things that divide us rather than things that bring us together. To some segments of our society it seems almost an obsession to fixate on on our differences and what we hate about each other. I think America is in some trouble and I believe much of it has to do with our determined focus on what we hate about each other.

 

Can you imagine what would happen if pivoted from the negative thought and spent all of our time concentrating on how we are similar and how grateful we are for those similarities?

 

Maybe I'm way off base, but I think a fundamental problem in our world today is the kind of things that we focus our thoughts on. Thoughts manifest actions and if our thoughts are unbalanced towards the things that divide us, we will remain hopelessly divided. Change our focus--> change how we feel --> change how we act = more civility.

 

I respectfully request your thoughts on this topic. Thank you in advance.

I believe you are on to something. We have always had differences. We have always discussed, debated and argued over these differences, but there seemed to be those things that united us over these differences. Such as the effort to win WWII, for the most part the Cold War, our determination to put a man on the moon and even sports.

 

Where did we get off track? For me it was the divisions coming out of the fighting in Vietnam. That may be because that was happening during my high school and college days.

In short, yes, in my opinion.

 

One of my best friends is my former boss. He's 21 years older than me. We don't agree on politics, we don't agree on religious topics, we're from two different generations so that alone causes us to be different in many ways. I would give him the clothes off my back and he would do the same for me because we are both good people capable of looking past the differences. We actually enjoy conversations about things we disagree on because we learn from each other. Both of us have had several moments when we said "You know, I never thought of it that way." We are better men for it.

One thing that started me on my quest to answer this question goes back to BGP. When I first started discussing topics on here, there were a few folks that I just didn't hold in very high regard. They saw the world through a very different lens and it was hard to reconcile the way I saw the world with the way they did. As a result, whenever I thought about something they posted, I would focus on our differences and all the things that I didn't like about the person. I equated them with these negative thoughts and negative emotions. Whenever I thought of them, I fixated on the negatives. I'm sure these folks would admit to doing the same thing I was doing--- focusing on the things that divided us, things that kept us from engaging each other in a more positive manner.

 

One day while thinking about one of these individuals, I decided to pivot--- no longer think the negative thoughts. I made the intentional step to think only positive things whenever I started thinking about this person or something they posted. I would consistently seek for things that were similar about us, things that we both agreed with or enjoyed.

 

Guess what happened? After a period of time of doing this, when a thought came about these individuals, it was no longer a negative one. It was about something that was similar about us, something I liked about them, something I respected. I began to speak differently to them when I engaged them. They, in turn, did likewise to me. I have exchanged messages with each of these people and consider them friends and I think they consider me the same.

 

This never would have occurred had I not made the deliberate decision to change my thought pattern- change the way I thought about these folks. I think this is just a microcosm of what we are doing as a country and as a world. We are focusing on differences and what we hate about each other rather than what is similar about us and what we like about one another.

 

Again, just philosophical meanderings , maybe. I could be wrong, but I have seen it work for me.

Yes and those in power and those trying to sway opinions want us as divided as possible.

 

So many are so quick to draw the line based on past differences that they never allow themselves a chance to see the things we have in common and agree with.

 

I agree 100% with @TheDeuce post.

I have a friend who've I've known since we were around 18 who I met because he was the bass player in a little garage band that we briefly formed. We had tons of similarities in our musical tastes, would camp out for concert tickets talking all night long and playing music, shared secrets, laughed a lot, and had lots of deep conversations as we were both going from our teen years entering into adulthood trying to make sense of our lives, and the world around us.

 

In the 35 years that we've known one another he's lived in numerous places around the country related to work, and we have at least tried to stay connected one way or another touching base to see what was up and how things were going.

 

About 10 years ago he finally settled down and got married where they have a son and live on the east coast.

 

Throughout the years I have no recollection of us ever discussing politics nor could I have ever told you which way that he leaned, but within the last 5 years he as taken to Facebook and Twitter where his attitude has increasingly become vitriol, cynical, negative, combative, and mean spirited from an extremely right winged angle where his language is plagued with the typical libtard references and a fierce hatred for the left on an extreme regular basis.

 

Like many of us here, I'm not immune to social media, and I battle all the time with myself as to how much I'll allow myself get sucked into a steady diet of political speak and the urge to speak out. The more I read, the more I am displeased with what I see, and the more I'm displeased I begin to obsess over how I would like to respond, and the more I obsess over how I'd like to respond, the more chance that I will, which ultimately gets me nowhere but realizing that I've wasted a whole lot of energy keeping my mind too close to a negative arena when at the end of the day life is what you make it. A steady diet of negatively equates to a negative life, and on the flip side, a steady diet of happy thoughts equate to a happy life.

 

Over the years when it came to friends with different opinions it used to seem so easy to just get on to the things that we had in common and focus on having a good time.

 

Because my friend now has his head firmly ingrained in daily political obsessions through social media where it truly appears that he fiends off of looking for things to be mad at, will phone me every 4-6 months, but instead of launching into a conversation about fun things like the cover band that he is presently playing in, he'll be fully loaded in attack mode cornering me with questions and thoughts that he has no intentions of hearing what my answers are.

 

Though I've been tempted to deliver back to him as fiercely as he will initiate conversations with me, inside I keep thinking why must we stand the chance to let this wedge of political differences potentially ruin a good long standing friendship?

 

I'll take a deep breath and say something like "I don't know I haven't given it that much thought, and I really don't try to get all that worked up over stuff like that", and proceed to say something like "How's your boy", or "How's your band"?, or "What do you think of Rush's new album"...etc....

 

To be honest, the more he comes at me like this the more that I just want to explode on him and remind him that over the last 5 years this has been his steady mode of how he'll begin every conversation with me, but so far I've managed to keep my cool.

 

Once I can turn the conversation into fun things we're typically alright and our conversations end civilly, yet then for days after I'll obsess over how disturbing it is to see him go down this extreme obsessive path and feel tempted to phone him back and lay into him, or at least tell him that I'm worried that he's gone off the deep end.

 

I'm fine that he has different political views because that's his right and business to think and feel however he does, but there's no doubt in my mind that the root of his extreme obsession is related to a steady daily diet of social media where he becomes a tougher guy behind the keyboard, and his mind is constantly fiending on the very next negative attack filled comment that he can tweet.

 

People in our society have always have differences, but in the big picture we are relatively still just babes in the early stages of the internet world where we've been blind sided by what we never anticipated that our normal everyday opinions have a place to now be regularly expressed to a larger audience and become our obsessive vitriol opinions where we'll get instant adverse responses prompting us to react in an on going never ending argument.

 

Though it could be used for lots of fun and information, the downside to social media is that it is little by little making us all addicted creatures to a counter productive bad habit (myself included), all the while risking for many of us what could very well have been decent friendships.

Edited July 2, 20179 yr by B-Ball-fan

I have a friend who've I've known since we were around 18 who I met because he was the bass player in a little garage band that we briefly formed. We had tons of similarities in our musical tastes, would camp out for concert tickets talking all night long and playing music, shared secrets, laughed a lot, and had lots of deep conversations as we were both going from our teen years entering into adulthood trying to make sense of our lives, and the world around us.

 

In the 35 years that we've known one another he's lived in numerous places around the country related to work, and we have at least tried to stay connected one way or another touching base to see what was up and how things were going.

 

About 10 years ago he finally settled down and got married where they have a son and live on the east coast.

 

Throughout the years I have no recollection of us ever discussing politics nor could I have ever told you which way that he leaned, but within the last 5 years he as taken to Facebook and Twitter where his attitude has increasingly become vitriol, cynical, negative, combative, and mean spirited from an extremely right winged angle where his language is plagued with the typical libtard references and a fierce hatred for the left on an extreme regular basis.

 

Like many of us here, I'm not immune to social media, and I battle all the time with myself as to how much I'll allow myself get sucked into a steady diet of political speak and the urge to speak out. The more I read, the more I am displeased with what I see, and the more I'm displeased I begin to obsess over how I would like to respond, and the more I obsess over how I'd like to respond, the more chance that I will, which ultimately gets me nowhere but realizing that I've wasted a whole lot of energy keeping my mind too close to a negative arena when at the end of the day life is what you make it. A steady diet of negatively equates to a negative life, and on the flip side, a steady diet of happy thoughts equate to a happy life.

Over the years when it came to friends with different opinions it used to seem so easy to just get on to the things that we had in common and focus on having a good time.

 

Because my friend now has his head firmly ingrained in daily political obsessions through social media where it truly appears that he fiends off of looking for things to be mad at, will phone me every 4-6 months, but instead of launching into a conversation about fun things like the cover band that he is presently playing in, he'll be fully loaded in attack mode cornering me with questions and thoughts that he has no intentions of hearing what my answers are.

 

Though I've been tempted to deliver back to him as fiercely as he will initiate conversations with me, inside I keep thinking why must we stand the chance to let this wedge of political differences potentially ruin a good long standing friendship?

 

I'll take a deep breath and say something like "I don't know I haven't given it that much thought, and I really don't try to get all that worked up over stuff like that", and proceed to say something like "How's your boy", or "How's your band"?, or "What do you think of Rush's new album"...etc....

 

To be honest, the more he comes at me like this the more that I just want to explode on him and remind him that over the last 5 years this has been his steady mode of how he'll begin every conversation with me, but so far I've managed to keep my cool.

 

Once I can turn the conversation into fun things we're typically alright and our conversations end civilly, yet then for days after I'll obsess over how disturbing it is to see him go down this extreme obsessive path and feel tempted to phone him back and lay into him, or at least tell him that I'm worried that he's gone off the deep end.

 

I'm fine that he has different political views because that's his right and business to think and feel however he does, but there's no doubt in my mind that the root of his extreme obsession is related to a steady daily diet of social media where he becomes a tougher guy behind the keyboard, and his mind is constantly fiending on the very next negative attack filled comment that he can tweet.

 

People in our society have always have differences, but in the big picture we are relatively still just babes in the early stages of the internet world where we've been blind sided by what we never anticipated that our normal everyday opinions have a place to now be regularly expressed to a larger audience and become our obsessive vitriol opinions where we'll get instant adverse responses prompting us to react in an on going never ending argument.

 

Though it could be used for lots of fun and information, the downside to social media is that it is little by little making us all addicted creatures to a counter productive bad habit (myself included), all the while risking for many of us what could very well have been decent friendships.

 

Good post. I always enjoy reading your thoughts, and your thoughts make me feel good. Like you, I do believe that day- in and day- out focus on all the negativity on social media leads to more and more negative thoughts and changes our point of attraction. We soak in all of that negativity and we start to see negative things manifest in our lives. It seems that your friend is deep in the abyss of negativity. He has become a deliberate creator of more negativity. If he could pivot and change his thought process and allow his focus to be on positive thoughts, he could bring about change for the good. Sometimes we have to reach for better feeling thoughts(particularly, if we are not in a good place to begin with) , but when we do so consistently, it becomes easier and easier to think positively. Then we are on the road to being a deliberate creator for good in our lives.

 

Thank you for your contribution to the thread.

Good post. I always enjoy reading your thoughts, and your thoughts make me feel good. Like you, I do believe that day- in and day- out focus on all the negativity on social media leads to more and more negative thoughts and changes our point of attraction. We soak in all of that negativity and we start to see negative things manifest in our lives. It seems that your friend is deep in the abyss of negativity. He has become a deliberate creator of more negativity. If he could pivot and change his thought process and allow his focus to be on positive thoughts, he could bring about change for the good. Sometimes we have to reach for better feeling thoughts(particularly, if we are not in a good place to begin with) , but when we do so consistently, it becomes easier and easier to think positively. Then we are on the road to being a deliberate creator for good in our lives.

Thank you for your contribution to the thread.

 

Amen Brother :thumb:

I was listening to a podcast yesterday & the guy doing the talking (a wrestling podcast, of all things) said that the present culture in America is so "tense." I couldn't agree with him more, and I think a lot of the tension stems from what SF has brought up in this thread. We put our differences under a microscope and focus almost solely on them, rather than broadening our scope to highlight our similarities. We need to evaluate both our differences & similarities, but it seems that we repeatedly gravitate to the former.

Interesting topic. I agree with all of the above.

Blame our education system. During my childhood all they talked about was being unique and different. Be an individual, be your own person. Well we all grew up and now look what we have.

Interesting topic. Saw something similar on Today and found it interesting that the author of the idea was Canadian and they are even more diverse geographically than the US. 80% or more of their population is within 100 miles of the US border. I think in the US there is a desire to be 'heard' and most feel like we're no more than cogs in the wheel.

Interesting topic. I agree with all of the above.

 

Nothing like taking the easy way out. LOL

Blame our education system. During my childhood all they talked about was being unique and different. Be an individual, be your own person. Well we all grew up and now look what we have.

 

If our educational system is social media, I would agree that its to blame. And, unfortunately, social media has become too many people's main source of "education."

Great topic. Here's where I have landed after much thought.

 

I think we assume the similarities are the "good" things that connect us. And I disagree with that premise. I think the "good" things are the differences that we each bring to the table. Those differences, our discussions of them, our learning from one another...those things are what make the world better. Those are what lead us to mutual respect. I don't have to agree with someone to respect their thoughts and feelings. I also don't have to agree with someone to understand why they feel the way they do.

 

I think there is danger in looking only for the similarities. I feel that leads to only surface discussion and no real attempt to resolve differences, or at least understanding the differences and finding a way to move forward despite them.