I'm always entertained in some way by our patients here at the hospital. I hate that I can't share all the moments with you, but I've decided I'm going to post a patient quote of the day that I hope will make you laugh as much as it does me. So I give you today's patient quote of the day.

 

 

 

"Whatever this is, I'm pretty sure I have it. "

I can only imagine the things you see and hear every day.

Patient: I think I have Lyme disease

 

Me: What symptoms are you having?

 

Patient: What are the symptoms?

I was told years ago we had a guy who had just been stabbed by his girlfriend walk from his home down the street into the emergency room with the knife in his hand. While getting a compression bandage or something like it to stop the bleeding, some one on staff mentioned that the knife should have been left in the wound to slow bleeding. Hearing that, he reached for the knife to put it back in the stab wound till someone stopped him.

Patient: I think I have Lyme disease

 

Me: What symptoms are you having?

 

Patient: What are the symptoms?

 

:lol2: :lol2:

I'm always entertained in some way by our patients here at the hospital. I hate that I can't share all the moments with you, but I've decided I'm going to post a patient quote of the day that I hope will make you laugh as much as it does me. So I give you today's patient quote of the day.

 

 

 

"Whatever this is, I'm pretty sure I have it. "

 

Good one!

 

I remember a few years ago I asked my doctor why the nurses in Coronary ICU were all good looking. That's when he said, "you must be feeling better, I'll get you moved to another room."

I always hate it when you have to ask about pain. "If you had to rate your pain on a 0-10 scale, 0 being none, and ten is the worst cancer pain you can imagine, how would you rate your pain?" I can't tell you how many people barely have time to look up from texting or eating a bag of chips to say, "A 10, definitely". I would say less than 5% of the patients I deal with ever give a credible answer to that question.

I always hate it when you have to ask about pain. "If you had to rate your pain on a 0-10 scale, 0 being none, and ten is the worst cancer pain you can imagine, how would you rate your pain?" I can't tell you how many people barely have time to look up from texting or eating a bag of chips to say, "A 10, definitely". I would say less than 5% of the patients I deal with ever give a credible answer to that question.

My cousin had 4 stage breast cancer and it spread to her bones. I could never understand my sibling - who is an RN, say our cousin could not manage her pain. Never had cancer and hope I never will. My question is to the health care professionals - how the hell do you know what their pain level is? How do you rate this? Our cousin did pass away from the cancer.

I always hate it when you have to ask about pain. "If you had to rate your pain on a 0-10 scale' date=' 0 being none, and ten is the worst cancer pain you can imagine, how would you rate your pain?" I can't tell you how many people barely have time to look up from texting or eating a bag of chips to say, "A 10, definitely". I would say less than 5% of the patients I deal with ever give a credible answer to that question.[/quote']

 

No doubt.

Good one! I remember a few years ago I asked my doctor why the nurses in Coronary ICU were all good looking. That's when he said' date=' "you must be feeling better, I'll get you moved to another room."[/quote']

 

:lol2: :lol2:

My cousin had 4 stage breast cancer and it spread to her bones. I could never understand my sibling - who is an RN' date=' say our cousin could not manage her pain. Never had cancer and hope I never will. My question is to the health care professionals - how the hell do you know what their pain level is? How do you rate this? Our cousin did pass away from the cancer.[/quote']

 

If you're smiling, texting, had time to stop by McDonalds for a large drink before you came to the ER, your pain level isn't going to be high. When you're around it long enough you can tell legit pain from those just wanting the candy.

In recovery room from knee surgery one time woke up and nurse says, "Let me put this warm blanket on you, and here is a little Coke and some crackers to get something on your stomach. Now what would you say your pain level is." I thought about it .......and I am wrapped in a warm blanket, was served a Coke, ESPN was on the TV....doesn't get much better...so I say "Zero". She says, "It can't be Zero, you are in surgical recovery room."

My cousin had 4 stage breast cancer and it spread to her bones. I could never understand my sibling - who is an RN, say our cousin could not manage her pain. Never had cancer and hope I never will. My question is to the health care professionals - how the hell do you know what their pain level is? How do you rate this? Our cousin did pass away from the cancer.

 

Sadly, people like your cousin usually under rate their pain. They are trying so hard to fight, be brave, and don't want to be a burden. They are the people that the "big stuff," like oxycontin were made for. I am sorry for your loss.

 

Fortunately, health professionals can use subjective and objective means to assess pain. There is always what the patient says is his/her pain level, and also what the doctor/nurse observe in their behavior.

 

On a lighter note, I once saw a nurse wheeling a female patient down the hall after returning from surgery. The patient was elderly, quite restless and appeared to be in pain. The nurse, in a well meaning attempt to assess her patient's level of orientation, loudly asked, "Do you know what day it is?" The patient quickly yelled back, "I DON'T CARE WHAT DAY IT IS!"

I had surgery back in 2011 for an inguinal hernia. Before I could be discharged to go home, they told me I had to go to the bathroom and go #1 first to ensure that everything was in order down there. After I made it the 25 steps to the bathroom in a blazing 10 minutes I tried to go but the pain was unbearable. I looked at the nurse and asked "do you guys have a long term stay discount?" Without missing a beat the nurse replied "no sir, we aren't the type who like to make you breakfast when you wake up. We prefer you to get your stuff and get out while making as little commotion as possible." I started to laugh, which was another painful experience. The nurse apologized for causing me to laugh (and therefore causing pain) but I told her I couldn't be mad at her for that.

I had surgery back in 2011 for an inguinal hernia. Before I could be discharged to go home, they told me I had to go to the bathroom and go #1 first to ensure that everything was in order down there. After I made it the 25 steps to the bathroom in a blazing 10 minutes I tried to go but the pain was unbearable. I looked at the nurse and asked "do you guys have a long term stay discount?" Without missing a beat the nurse replied "no sir, we aren't the type who like to make you breakfast when you wake up. We prefer you to get your stuff and get out while making as little commotion as possible." I started to laugh, which was another painful experience. The nurse apologized for causing me to laugh (and therefore causing pain) but I told her I couldn't be mad at her for that.

 

Oh YES!! I remember my hernia surgery as well! When I woke up I was told I could go home as soon as I could "void". Even groggy I thought "no problem". Boy was I wrong!!