1 Yes

2 no

3 yes

 

seriously guys thanks for all your help...I won't go into great detail about our poroblems, but they have gotten to a pretty significant point. I really don't know what to do. On one hand, I do love her, but I could see myself without her.

 

Sounds like you were in limmerance with this girl and not necessarily love.

 

Limmerance, (limerence)

 

.. the early state of being in love, in lust, or both, when two people see each other as perfect.

 

Scientific research shows that a state of limmercance generally lasts from 6 months up to 2-3 years. After that time, the feeling wears off and problems arise. Limmerance is what many people enter into when they have emotional and physical affairs. After it goes away, they are left wondering what they were thinking and often have lost most, if not, everything. Limmerance creates a chemical imbalance in your brain that makes you think the other person is just perfect. You feel as if that person can do no wrong and it can cause you to have abnormal behavior because you just aren't thinking straight.

Pray she isn't a BGP member.

 

:thumb: Best piece of advice I have ever heard on here!

Wow Wireman...

Okay, you asked and this is long. First thing I would do is sit down and talk to her. Really talk about how you are concerned that you guys are rushing things and let her know you want to work it out together. Perhaps she is feeling the exact same way? Engagements can be pretty stressful anyway, so cut yourself a little slack if you are feeling panicked right now. You did not say how long you've known each other, but IMO the time factor is important. My husband and I did not have a single disagreement, seriously, for about the first year and a half we were dating. It takes a while for someone's "flaws" to come out and that is when you figure out if the relationship is going to make it or not. Only you can decide what kind of "flaws" you can live with. It is cliched, but nobody is perfect and you probably drive her nuts with the things you do, as well. It's the degree of nuts that matters. For example, my husband absolutely cannot load a dishwasher. If I leave it up to him, he will get about 8 dishes and probably 10 cups in the entire thing. Me, I can get the entire 14-place place setting in there! Yes, sometimes when I see what he's done it drives me crazy but you know what--at least he tries. He could leave it out for me to clean up like the maid, but he doesn't. So I would rather live with someone like him mangling the dishwasher than someone who can load it like me, but doesn't have all his great qualities. My point is, little quirks will come up and you will have to deal with them. I knew that our relationship was right when I felt my heart ache if I didn't get to see his face. I knew I simply did not want to live without him in my life, flaws and all. We've been together now almost 18 years and nothing has changed. We might get on each other's nerves at times, but we miss each other terribly when we are apart. Neither one of us would want to live without the other, and that is what makes a marriage great. Honestly, physical attraction doesn't hurt, either! Good luck to you--a wonderful, loving, exciting marriage is the best thing in the world!:thumb:

 

Now I hope my wife isn't a BGP'er! :scared: :laugh: :sssh:

If you can see yourself without her and you are not even married yet....you likely have your answer.

 

No harm in waiting a little longer to see how things turn out. Big harm into getting rushed into a marriage you are not ready for.

If you can see yourself without her and you are not even married yet....you likely have your answer.

 

No harm in waiting a little longer to see how things turn out. Big harm into getting rushed into a marriage you are not ready for.

 

We were wanting to hold off on getting married, but her mom has pushed for it more than anything. :puke:

 

 

Also, I'm really afraid that we both know where this is headed, but neither of us are willing to do what it will take to avert that path.

 

I really think we are a doomed couple, and I can't honestly say how I feel about it.

We were wanting to hold off on getting married, but her mom has pushed for it more than anything. :puke:

 

 

Also, I'm really afraid that we both know where this is headed, but neither of us are willing to do what it will take to avert that path.

 

I really think we are a doomed couple, and I can't honestly say how I feel about it.

Well, I am not telling you what to do, but an engagement is not a legal binding document like a marriage certificate and there is no defined time frame for which you have to get married. You can be engaged without a dedicated date set to get married. It is your life (and hers), and do not be bullied in to anything you are not ready to do. Maybe she is the one, but it is just not the right time. Embarrassment aside, you would much rather delay a wedding date than to make arrangements with your local attorney.

My sister called off a wedding the day before it was supposed to happen. Best thing she could have done.

Well, I am not telling you what to do, but an engagement is not a legal binding document like a marriage certificate and there is no defined time frame for which you have to get married. You can be engaged without a dedicated date set to get married. It is your life (and hers), and do not be bullied in to anything you are not ready to do. Maybe she is the one, but it is just not the right time. Embarrassment aside, you would much rather delay a wedding date than to make arrangements with your local attorney.

 

I agree, but the problem is...she isn't pushing for it at all. I don't think she wants to get married either no matter what she says. She pushed me into the engagement and then had a change of heart, and I don't think she knows how to tell me this. IDK, life used to be so easy.

I agree, but the problem is...she isn't pushing for it at all. I don't think she wants to get married either no matter what she says. She pushed me into the engagement and then had a change of heart, and I don't think she knows how to tell me this. IDK, life used to be so easy.

Based upon this post and others, it seems pretty simple to me and I think you know what the correct course of action is.

 

We all go through questioning if we should spend the rest of our lives with person X and if we made the correct decision.

 

Good luck.

I could see myself without her.

 

her mom has pushed for it more than anything

 

I really think we are a doomed couple

 

I don't think she wants to get married either

I don't think you need us to advise you on the next move. That being said, there's nothing wrong with getting a second opinion.

Just think how much weight will be lifted off your shoulders after you tell her you need to wait. I've been married 20 years in November and we have had our moments like everyone else but we always make it work out. As we get older, it is actually getting easier. I think I finally have her trained!! :thumb:

I could see myself without her.

 

her mom has pushed for it more than anything

 

I really think we are a doomed couple

 

I don't think she wants to get married either

I don't think you need us to advise you on the next move. That being said, there's nothing wrong with getting a second opinion.

 

 

 

Very true.

Just think how much weight will be lifted off your shoulders after you tell her you need to wait. I've been married 20 years in November and we have had our moments like everyone else but we always make it work out. As we get older, it is actually getting easier. I think I finally have her trained!! :thumb:

:laugh:

I could see myself without her.

 

her mom has pushed for it more than anything

 

I really think we are a doomed couple

 

I don't think she wants to get married either

I don't think you need us to advise you on the next move. That being said, there's nothing wrong with getting a second opinion.

 

Thanks papa