Ok, I know no coach ever wants to have to do this, especially on a church sponsored outreach team. But, what is one to do when a kid just refuses to follow the rules and has continuous uncontrolled anger outbursts during games? To the point he is a complete detriment to the team and the organization? There has to be a line drawn, right? I mean playing on the team is a privilege and not a right.

 

Long story somewhat shorter...had a kid come out about 3 weeks ago who wanted to join the team for the rest of the season. He played for me as a middle schooler 2-3 years ago and I almost told him to go home then, I had never seen such uncontrolled fits of anger/rage during practice and games, but I kept him on and tried to work with him then. So he shows up 3 weeks ago...after having been kicked off the high school team last, that's an important part of the story too. I tell him there won't be a repeat of his outbursts this time around or he won't be playing.

 

This past Friday night we are in a tournament, he fouls out and comes over and has a "mini-outburst" aimed at me and my assistant coach. I meet with him after the game by himself for about 10 minutes and tell him no more, he's on his last chance and if he wants to continue to play ball he will stop it. We play 3 games Saturday, first two games he's complaining about the refs all game long, he doesn't stop, I mean it's an ongoing rant the WHOLE game both games. Even the other kids are getting frustrated with him and tell him to just shut up and play ball. 3rd game, we are winning the whole game and he has played great and been a good team player (for once). I'm thinking maybe I have finally reached him. We tire late (only had 6 players and had one of those foul out), other team comes back late 4th qtr, we miss a bunch of free throws down the stretch and we lose by 3. He shoves a teammate and screams at him at the buzzer cause he's mad at him, storms off the court headed to the locker room, screams at the refs and calls them all "butt holes" (didn't use butt). Refs stop me and say they aren't telling me what to do, but I need to do something about him. I get to locker room and he is throwing stuff in his bag, just seething. I tell him wash his uniform and get it back to me, he knew he was on his last chance and he was off the team. He storms out.

 

I mean, enough is enough, right? I have always hesitated to do this because I knew as soon as I dismissed someone off the team, they would more that likely stop coming to church as well, church attendance being a requirement to play. And that's the whole purpose of the organization to get kids involved in church, especially those that might not otherwise be, and he is a perfect example of that. But, if I keep a kid like this around, other kids might decide to quit because they don't want to put up with and be around him, and there is no telling what he might do during a game or practice when things don't go his way and he has another outburst. He might punch another kid, an official, no telling what he might do. Tough call, but I did what I think was best in a tough situation.

You always hate this for a kid but a lot of times it is addition by subtraction.

The kid was nothing but a distraction for your team. It sounds like you gave him every opportunity to improve his attitude.

Just a matter of time before he's doing time from the sounds of it. At some point that rage and anger are going to boil over and he's going to do something he can't take back or just walk away from.

 

You definitely did the right thing.

The kid was nothing but a distraction for your team. It sounds like you gave him every opportunity to improve his attitude.

 

I even had a couple of adults tell me they couldn't believe I was letting him play to begin with...they knew his history and how he is. But I give EVERY kid a chance. Shame of it is the kid has some really ability and talent too, but he just can't...or won't...control his attitude and temper. And he's completely uncoachable, because he REFUSES to be coached.

Just a matter of time before he's doing time from the sounds of it. At some point that rage and anger are going to boil over and he's going to do something he can't take back or just walk away from.

 

You definitely did the right thing.

 

Yep, I had a conversation with a couple of adults this weekend and we all said pretty much similar. Has an older brother that I have never worked with but have been told he's the exact same way.

BigVMan23, you did the right thing. It sounds like you gave him chance after chance. It is like you said you must draw the line somewhere, you drew it & he crossed it time & time again. I just have one question-where are his parents in all of this? This kid definitely has problems. I pray he gets help before he hurts someone. Again you did the right thing!

Yep, I had a conversation with a couple of adults this weekend and we all said pretty much similar. Has an older brother that I have never worked with but have been told he's the exact same way.

 

Think this pretty much gives me the answer, but where have his parents been in all this? Have you had any communication with them?

Anger issues for sure. He is headed for trouble. You did the right thing, his parents or relatives need to seek help for him.

Sometimes you have to make the tough call. Life is a "game" of choices and consequences. Good job; I appreciate your patience.

Big V, I feel your pain. We have a couple that have pushed us to our limit. They have pounded chairs, won't listen at times, are hard to coach but have never really crossed that line like yours did. They do a lot of stare downs, won't give the knuckles coming of the court, won't look at you when you address them. Very frustrating. Early in the year one of them did something the ref did not like so we addressed the ref and told him to feel free to give them a T for any reason in hopes of a teaching moment. They never crossed that line.

The point of discussion with the other coach was where is the discipline NOT coming from? Our conclusion was none is given starting at the kitchen table!

Feel your pain, had a wrestler this year that was the same way, it was almost like the kid was bi-polar or something, in the middle of a match he would flip his switch. At least in your case you had the ability to remove him, I wasnt allowed to and had to deal with it all year.

I think you did the right thing 100%

 

If kid or parents come and want another chance I'd make him the team manager/ball boy and tell him he has to earn his way back to being a player. Earn it with respect and discipline.

Feel your pain, had a wrestler this year that was the same way, it was almost like the kid was bi-polar or something, in the middle of a match he would flip his switch. At least in your case you had the ability to remove him, I wasnt allowed to and had to deal with it all year.

 

I have never been one to agree with "medicating" kids in general...but this young man I think actually has some issues that maybe medication is the answer. As for those asking about parents, not a great situation from my understanding. Part of the problem is they have always reinforced the anger outbursts by giving in to him when he has them. That might be the "easy" thing, but long term not the right thing.

You did the right thing. It's likely basketball won't "fix" this issue. I wouldn't hang the parents necessarily, maybe they feel they have exhausted their options as well, but can't kick him off their team. Clearly lots going on and a young man that needs something to intervene in his life before the wheels come off. I hope he finds what he needs.