Amanda Todd...Cyber-bullying

[acemona]

I don't know, ace. Most of what you say is true, but I've seen the good and bad of school administrators. I know of one that would have gotten to the bottom of this situation, as he was a hands on, investigative, talk-to-the-studets type of principal, as opposed to simply sitting in an office fielding phone calls from parents and saying there is no proof. In the case of what it being said here, if the school didn't do more than what is mentioned, they did not do enough.

 

My point wasn't about getting to the bottom of it . . . that is the easy part. The question is the recourse. What could the school (principal) have done to change the behavior? Suspended the kid for 3-5 days is the worst they can do and this is not a behavior changing tactic.

[True blue (and gold)]

My point wasn't about getting to the bottom of it . . . that is the easy part. The question is the recourse. What could the school (principal) have done to change the behavior? Suspended the kid for 3-5 days is the worst they can do and this is not a behavior changing tactic.

 

Suspension does work for some kids. Other things:

 

1) Remove the student from being an office/teacher's aide.

2) Assignment to in-school suspension - she wouldn't be out in the halls between classes bullying the victim.

3) Removal from reward activities, such as pep rallys, assemblies, etc.

 

The bully in this case seemed very socially driven. Removing her from social situations, as I've mentioned, would be what a good administrator might do.

[skycvg]

Suspension does work for some kids. Other things:

 

1) Remove the student from being an office/teacher's aide.

2) Assignment to in-school suspension - she wouldn't be out in the halls between classes bullying the victim.

3) Removal from reward activities, such as pep rallys, assemblies, etc.

 

 

The bully in this case seemed very socially driven. Removing her from social situations, as I've mentioned, would be what a good administrator might do.

 

At this particular high school, in order to be an aide/peer tutor, you must have the grades, but most importantly a teacher recommendation. There were teachers clamoring over my daughter to be an aide/tutor for them, but she was restricted by required classes, and only allowed so many per year. All of them trusted her to grade papers for them and my daughter kept all confidential. The other girl should NEVER have been allowed this honor. She abused it completely. Like I said, she would just ramdomly leave her aide spot and wander into other classes just to chit chat with the other tutors/aides. She was never restricted at all.

 

True Blue- you nailed it perfectly!!! She is a very social animal. She fed off of all the attention, and used the social network at the school to spread everything. All of your suggestions are great ideas. Why couldn't the schools come up with these? I'm not in education, but these sound like they might have worked. After she hit the freshman in the hallway, and both were suspended, do you think they removed her from the cheer squad? Nope, she had to sit at a couple of games with her dad. At the biggest football playoff game, she left early and you could tell that she really didn't give a crap. She didn't care about cheering, except she could use it as another arena for torment. They needed her for competitions, so instead of truly punishing her, they rewarded her.

 

Since they couldn't seal her mouth shut, isolation from her social environment would have been the ultimate punishment and would've been true torture for her.

 

My wife felt that neither school wanted to stick their necks out. They wanted to protect the school's reputation and not let it get out that they might have a problem with bullying. No one (student wise) was willing to risk their necks either, or they would become the next target. It's like everyone was scared to death of her, administration included. My wife had several conversations with her. She stayed about 7 feet from her, kept her arms crossed, and made sure that there were witnesses. She called her out on all of the rumors, lies, everything. The girl stared her straight in the eye, and blantantly lied, always putting the blame on someone else. She even tried to blame a teacher, that it was the teacher lying. What she didn't know, was that the teacher had my daughter in her 5th grade class, and had moved over to the middle school when my daughter did for sixth grade. This teacher was her saving grace. She truly loved my daughter, knowing that she didn't have a mean bone in her body, and that she was one of those few that got along with everyone. Who would you believe, a teacher that knew my daughter for two years, or a lying sack of crap? We went with the teacher, obviously. She recognized the girl for what she was.

 

Four years later, my son was put in this same teacher's 6th grade class. The teacher, knowing that the bully's little brother was just about as nasty as his older sister, refused to have him put in her class when they tried to assign him there. The little brother was, and still is, a little weasel and had tried to pull stuff in summer football practice. That ended rather quickly once they got into full pads, as my son pile drived him into the ground. It was a thing of beauty. Kid realized that he had better think twice before messing with him.

Edited October 14, 2012 by True blue (and gold)

[Lawnboy13]

After so many years of parental denial, we pretty much knew that the parents wouldn't do anything or the girl would twist everything around. My wife, knowing this girl for the last 14 years, can pretty accurately predict her response. The father chalks it up to "well, you know how girls can be", and the mother is "our precious baby would never do that". My wife called the house to speak directly with the dad, and the girl answered the phone. My wife refused to give her name and finally the girl put the phone up to her mouth and screamed as loud as she could "dad, Mrs. A is on the phone!" I could hear it across the room.

 

Whenever we spoke with the parents, the harassment escalated. The threat of pressing charges seemed to keep her at bay for a while. The girl did get into a fight with a freshman (another, quiet well liked student), and both got suspended. Parents went to school board and tried to get it removed from file.

 

I just can't figure out how many incidents have to be thrown in their faces, how many times you have to go to school to meet with administration, how many phone calls from other parents have to receive before you wake up and realize your daughter is in fact a bully, and needs some mental help. What kills me is that we found out she is majoring in psychology. I would hope it would give her some insight into herself, but she sees nothing wrong with what she does.

 

:confused: :cry: :eek: :scared: :isurrender: :laugh: :puke:

 

Take your pick!!!

[skycvg]

:confused: :cry: :eek: :scared: :isurrender: :laugh: :puke:

 

Take your pick!!!

 

:laugh: :scared:

[skycvg]

Every time I see or read about a child taking their life because of bullying, I just thank God my daughter wasn't one of them. I can't imagine the torture and pain these parents and families are experiencing. I don't know how many innocent kids have to die before we as adults figure out a way to put a stop to it. It's so hard with all of the social media outlets available to these kids that can be used as a weapon. It's horrible to think that these kids feel that the only escape is death. Situations such as this have escalated so rapidly, it's hard to keep up with the new forms of torture that are being thought up by bullies. The victims are being pushed to suicide or retaliation and sadly, it's just going to get worse until the bullies are forced to face the consequences of what they are doing to others. Maybe they all need to be put into a special school in each state with other bullies and see how it is to be on the other end of the torture. :idunno:

[hoops5]

Got a call from a parent tonight. He was apologizing on behalf of his child for something on the internet. He saw an Instagram thread on his child's I-Pod where his child had a completely different code name and was communicating innappropriately to other classmates on this one thread. He confronted his child and his child had the device taken away. In addition, he said to expect a hand written apology letter in the mail from his child.

 

Shame on me because if it were not for his call, I maybe would have never known. I'm checking my kids' fb accounts regularly, but I didn't even know about instagram until now!

 

I thanked him for being one of the few parents who pays attention and cares about what their child is doing! :thumb:

[SportsGuy41017]

Such a sad story! Until the laws are changed, schools wake up and do something, I am sorry to say this is no the last kid to take their life. Some may say they are taking it too far by ending their life, but as I always say "Until you walk a mile in someone's shoes". There was actually a teen suicide awareness walk or rally in Cincinnati this weekend.

 

For people who wonder why this continues, they don't have to look further than skycvg's posts! (BTW skycvg I am sorry to hear what your daughter went through). Look at all he and his wife went through to try to stop it and it continued, and they knew about it, not all parents know, as was mentioned many kids hide it for whatever reason and the kid goes through this alone.

 

As was also mentioned, in the past kids could go home and hide from bullies, now they can't, and taking away social media will only make the kid feel more alone, and that is if the parents know about the online bullying, many don't. Even if they check the kids accounts, the kid could delete stuff before the parent checks it.

 

Until laws are changed this will continue, I HATE the when people say stuff like "bullying is part of growing up". NO! NO IT'S NOT! I believe it was just last year that Tennessee attempted to pass a law preventing bullying, but some lawmakers either attempted to block it or they did block it. Until they have a relative go through the crap, they will never learn! Many of the school shooters were bullied in some form as well.

 

As the one girl told skycvg, she didn't stick up for his daughter or say anything as she was scared she would get bullied as well, this is common. Many kids have this happen if they see a gay kid or a kid who isn't gay being bullied by people saying they are gay, others are afraid the bullies will start on them too which such things as "if you are sticking up for him you must be gay too". I just wished kids would get more involved and do the right thing.

 

Whatever happened to that parent from the Midwest, Kansas maybe? That bullied a girl who ended up committing suicide? I know they attempted to file charges on here, not sure what ended up happening.

 

Skycvg that bully you all dealt with seems like she is starting to get hers, sounds like she is a mess, and her parents didn't do her any favors and could be a reason she is starting to get into trouble already. Thankfully your daughter was strong enough, and had you and your wife on her side.

 

Hoops5, it's good to know some parents out there will step in and do the right thing.

[skycvg]

Hoops5- I am so glad that there is at least one parent that is willing to step up and take responsibility and make their child accept responsibility as well. Those are so few and far between. My wife always had a rule with my kids about FB and myspace (which was more popular back then), and that was that she was to have their ID and passwords to all pages. If she saw anything that she didn't approve of, whether they wrote it or someone else did, then the other person was deleted, or our kids account would be deleted. In the 7 years that our daughter has had a myspace or FB page we have never seen her be nasty to a single kid. She never knew when we would check it, which was actually several times a day, but she just isn't that type of kid. We ended up blocking the other girl. but back then, there wasn't really much security stuff as there is now, so my wife could keep her finger on what was going on with this girl pretty well. I think my wife could be a detective with the ways she finds out stuff... :sssh:

 

 

The schools, IMO, could do more. I know that there are a lot of kids that the teachers see each day, but, the signs are usually there. I'm not a teacher, but I think I could tell when a child withdraws into themselves, becomes less socially active, etc. Some bullies are so adept at being covert, but there are many who are very brazen with it. I don't have a solution. Parents are so busy, so many are single parents (I'm not knocking these AT ALL), and time is such a constraint, that it's hard to stay involved in your child's life. We were lucky that our daughter came to us and kept us informed about everything. It's such a gray area, whether to fight their battles or let them learn how to deal with these kind of solutions. If you don't get involved, you risk losing them. If you get too involved, they push you away.

 

If you are talking about the girl that was harassed by the fake Myspace page, set up by a mother, I think she got off scott free. What kind of example are those kinds of parents setting?

 

It's funny, when talking to my wife about her childhood years, she grew up outside this area, she was bullied too. She was fine through most of the elementary school. Very social, kind of quiet, but got along with everyone. Desegregation, and she got bussed from a 90% white school to a 80% african american school. She actually didn't mind it, as she made a lot more friends. Her parents put her into an all girls private school. After her first year, one girl just up and decided to start "picking" on her. No reason, just something to do. Two years of this, and my wife literally snapped. The school was big on field hockey and lacrosse. The girls wore kilts, similar to catholic school uniforms. The bully came up behind her and flipped her skirt. My wife had forgotten her "spankies" at home and the bully thought it was funny to show off my wife's undies. My wife, reflexively, turned around to slap the girl, and forgot that she was leaning on her hockey stick. The hockey stick connected with the back of the bullys head. My wife was horrified. She had never hit anyone before. The girl barked "you didn't have to hit me!", and my wife responded, "Well, you didn't have to be mean to me for the last two years either". Long story short, girl ended up with 20 stitches in the back of the head, and both girls were suspended from the hockey team for a few weeks. Years later, my wife finds out that her mother was actually proud of what she did. Not the extreme she was forced to, but that she finally stood up to the bully. It was like a dam breaking. My wife became more outgoing and outspoken. She stood up for herself, and for others. When she saw what my daughter's bully was pulling, she did everything she could to put an end to it. But when you have parents that absolutely refuse to take a good, hard look at their children and make them accept responsibility, that make them obey rules, or make them face the consequences, it won't end.

[Qryche11]

If my kids get bullied I follow all protocols and then when those do not work like it sounds like in your case skycvg, that is when I teach my son/daughter to knock the Crap out of them. Blow up her nose with a right cross and exemplify an unwillingness to put up with that crap usually sends the bullies running.

 

I am not a proponent to violence but if anyone deserved to get her behind beat it is this girl. PM me her name so I can make sure my daughter doesnt somehow befriend her as she is a College Freshman right now.

 

By the way...many kids across the country are writing letters to the family of Amanda as to what they can do to help. Here is a great suggestion.

 

Stop writing letters and go seek out that child in your school who is being bullied and defend them or report the bullying. Go sit next to someone who sits alone at lunch, go the extra mile and dont feel like you will be chastised. Set an example !!!

Edited October 15, 2012 by True blue (and gold)

[Lawnboy13]

unfortunately face book can never be deleted...just made inactive with the ability to reinstate at any time....my wife has tried. My daughter was being picked at at one of my older daughters game by a players brother....after telling him to knock it off she whacked him in the jewels...that got the point across....and unfortunately he cried to his mother who went after her and not me....she was pretty scared but my wife explained that my daughter only will react when threatened....don't expect an apology from my daughter. She has been taught to say no and stop...she may be little but she'll kick your butt. :madman:

[SportsGuy41017]

By the way...many kids across the country are writing letters to the family of Amanda as to what they can do to help. Here is a great suggestion.

 

Stop writing letters and go seek out that child in your school who is being bullied and defend them or report the bullying. Go sit next to someone who sits alone at lunch, go the extra mile and dont feel like you will be chastised. Set an example !!!

I think the letters to Amanda's family is nice, but you are also correct! People need to tell their kids they need to stand up and help others who are bullied, it's funny that if just one kid does this, or even as you said sit next to them at lunch, other kids will do the same, I think a lot of times kids wait as they don't want to be the first one to help, that needs to change, having a death on your conscious the rest of your life knowing that you could have prevented a suicide must be horrible as well.

 

I forgot who said it but in an article about Amanda someone said "don't spend anymore money for studies, it's time to take action." It's time kids take action too, they very well save a life, and they very well may prevent a school shooting as well.

[SportsGuy41017]

It continues even after her death, what the heck has become of people these days? My niece posted on Amanda's tribute wall and some punk-jerk had a nasty response and send her a nasty message as well! I am telling you, if that was my kid I may end up in jail, as I would skin his hide and he wouldn't be able to sit for a week!

[Clyde]

Hacktivist group "Anonymous" has determined who the person was who started the harassment of this girl.

 

Listed his name and gave his home address.

 

 

Amanda Todd's Alleged Bully Named By Anonymous After Teen's Tragic Suicide

[skycvg]

Hacktivist group "Anonymous" has determined who the person was who started the harassment of this girl.

 

Listed his name and gave his home address.

 

 

Amanda Todd's Alleged Bully Named By Anonymous After Teen's Tragic Suicide

 

 

 

Oh no...not good news for him....he had better run and hide..quick