I had 2 teenagers when Facebook became a "thing". I never had one until after my kids were adults. But I still was able to know what was going on with them because they have always been pretty open with me. In fact, except for a brief post-high school graduation period with my daughter, we're all still very open with each other.

 

That's how my relationship with my parents was. Yeah, I never told them EVERYTHING, but if I was going to a party on a Saturday night, I would tell them I was planning on drinking and staying there, and they were fine with it as long as I was responsible about it and honest (i.e. - no drinking and driving, etc.). Heck, they knew I was doing it anyways, so me being open about it only made them trust me more and allowed me to have more independence and freedoms.

I don't have any children, either, but I feel that I much more closely align with this thinking. I would allow my child to use social media and I would require that they friend me, but I wouldn't go through their personal messages. This would be true in the situation of a child that hasn't broken major trust. Otherwise, I'd have to take a harder stance.

 

To the bolded....Exactly!

 

Obvious if they were having issues with behavior or being a "problem child", things would be different, but until my child would give me a reason to distrust them, I would treat them with respect.

It wasn't directed at anyone in particular. But yeah, I was very surprised to see how overprotective many on here are towards their kids' facebook page. I mean, logging in and going through their personal messages? That's way past crossing a line of being a protective parent IMO. To me it makes me think the parent doesn't have any trust in the kid, or thinks the kid is hiding something.

 

 

Do you have children?

I'm kind of with UKMF. My parents were probably overly strict and they didn't do half of the stuff I read in some of these parenting threads. Somehow I managed to turn out OK.

Have any kids yet? If not, it's easy to make a statement like that without knowing all that comes with being a parent. Even the best of kids can get themselves in over their head.

 

Good intentions go out the window the first time your kid steps over the line. My kids are 11 and will not be on Facebook, Twitter, until high school. There's no need for it.

Sorry UKMF just saw your other post.

 

I understand where you are coming from but when you become a parent (for most people) things change. My job is to protect, teach and watch over my son. He is not mature enough to make all the right choices at 15. There is a lot of peer pressure at this age to fit in. Sometimes to try and "fit in" means...poor choices. I want him to learn that you don't have to smoke, drink, do drugs or have sex to fit in. I want him to understand that it is cool to say NO! If I sat back and did nothing and something bad was to happen to my son...I don't know how I would live with myself.

Sorry UKMF just saw your other post.

 

I understand where you are coming from but when you become a parent (for most people) things change. My job is to protect, teach and watch over my son. He is not mature enough to make all the right choices at 15. There is a lot of peer pressure at this age to fit in. Sometimes to try and "fit in" means...poor choices. I want him to learn that you don't have to smoke, drink, do drugs or have sex to fit in. I want him to understand that it is cool to say NO! If I sat back and did nothing and something bad was to happen to my son...I don't know how I would live with myself.

 

I understand everything you're saying, however I'm not sure how having a facebook account means they're going to smoke, drink, do drugs, etc.

I understand everything you're saying, however I'm not sure how having a facebook account means they're going to smoke, drink, do drugs, etc.

 

It does lead to drama though and in some cases, suicide.

 

I would hate to think I could have stopped that if I only looked at his facebook.

 

Kids are not like they used to be, they can not deal with stuff like kids used to be able to deal with. They take things too personal.

I understand everything you're saying, however I'm not sure how having a facebook account means they're going to smoke, drink, do drugs, etc.

 

I didn't say that. I am saying that I monitor my son's Facebook and pretty much everything else he does because it is my job. It is my responsibility to try and help him make the right choices. There will be times when I am not there. He will be faced with making a good choice or bad. I hope because of my leadership he will know to make the right choice.

 

But for the record....if you don't think kids won't make a bad choice by some of the stuff they see, learn or whatever you want call it on Facebook....you are being naive!

It does lead to drama though and in some cases, suicide.

 

I would hate to think I could have stopped that if I only looked at his facebook.

 

Kids are not like they used to be, they can not deal with stuff like kids used to be able to deal with. They take things too personal.

 

I agree 100% with you!

It does lead to drama though and in some cases, suicide.

 

I would hate to think I could have stopped that if I only looked at his facebook.

 

Kids are not like they used to be, they can not deal with stuff like kids used to be able to deal with. They take things too personal.

 

Those same issues would occur whether they had facebook or not. If a kid is getting bullied/ridiculed on facebook to that point, they're experiencing the same thing at school on a daily basis. If you're not aware of it before it gets to that point, that's not facebooks fault, that's just bad parenting.

And I fully admitted in the other thread, that since I didn't have any children my stance could very easily change one day.

 

 

I can almost guarantee this happening the day you bring your firstborn home. My outlook on LOTS of things changed that day. Now she's almost 10...so the fun is just beginning.

I can almost guarantee this happening the day you bring your firstborn home. My outlook on LOTS of things changed that day. Now she's almost 10...so the fun is just beginning.

 

Yep. I mean mug 2 year olds for getting to close to my daughter, I can't imagine how bad I'll be w/ her teenage years. Now my boys, I guess since they are boys and there are 2 of them, I've let fend for themselves a little bit.

It does lead to drama though and in some cases, suicide.

 

I would hate to think I could have stopped that if I only looked at his facebook.

 

Kids are not like they used to be, they can not deal with stuff like kids used to be able to deal with. They take things too personal.

Can it ever! And not only with kids, I've seen adults battle things out on FB as if they were 12 year old kids.

I certainly don't want to spend the rest of her teenage years, watching over my child and stalking her, however, she made a mistake that has currently cost her any privacy. So now, I spy to see what she's up to and to see if she has learned from her mistake. When trust is broken, it takes awhile to build that trust back up again.