Is this the same person in your other current thread?

Is this the same person in your other current thread?

Sadly I have to say yes it is.

Sadly I have to say yes it is.

 

Wow, sounds like your friend needs some kind of guy friend intervention.

He is way beyond help.

My wife of ten years now had a three year old son when we met. She didn't have anyone she could leave him with on a consistent basis (his father wanted nothing to do with him then or now), so I included him in on everything we did. A romantic dinner to a fine Italian restaurant was changed to Fazoli's and the kid menu. A Garth Brooks concert was replaced by Disney On Ice. I realized if I wanted to be with her, I had to build our lives around them, not just her. My parents took to him like he was a natural grandchild. My brothers family and his kids were happy to have a "new cousin" they could play with right away, not having to wait until they got bigger. My willingness to accept them as a package has made our life as a family better. Had I been reluctant to do so could have caused resentment that would still be an issue. If your friend values his relationship with his son, he will tell this lady that his son comes first. If she loves him, then she will love his son.

 

Exellent post. As usual.:thumb:

I have to say that you are a really great friend to worry about him like you do. I know that you have tried talking to him, but, have you tried talking to her? It might make it worse, but, it might make it better....just let her know that you know what is going on and you don't like it. Let her know that you really care about him, maybe more than she does.

There must be something about her that he is needing from a relationship. It sounds like he does care about her. Maybe he thinks that he does not deserve any better? I don't know...all I know is that I really feel sorry for his son. This is the only person in this situation that is helpless in the situation. The poor kid.

Have you asked him what he is getting out of the relationship? Have you told him that his son is suffering and that he will also....later on, he will. When he wants his son back in his life, his son might be so upset that he may not want to be back in his life. Your friend needs to look into the future and not in the present. He needs to realize that this is a toxic relationship where many people will suffer for in the end.

Good luck and, even though it is hard on you, continue being his friend. He may come around someday...hopefully, it will be sooner than later!

I have to say that you are a really great friend to worry about him like you do. I know that you have tried talking to him, but, have you tried talking to her? It might make it worse, but, it might make it better....just let her know that you know what is going on and you don't like it. Let her know that you really care about him, maybe more than she does.

There must be something about her that he is needing from a relationship. It sounds like he does care about her. Maybe he thinks that he does not deserve any better? I don't know...all I know is that I really feel sorry for his son. This is the only person in this situation that is helpless in the situation. The poor kid.

Have you asked him what he is getting out of the relationship? Have you told him that his son is suffering and that he will also....later on, he will. When he wants his son back in his life, his son might be so upset that he may not want to be back in his life. Your friend needs to look into the future and not in the present. He needs to realize that this is a toxic relationship where many people will suffer for in the end.

Good luck and, even though it is hard on you, continue being his friend. He may come around someday...hopefully, it will be sooner than later!

Talking to her would only end the friendship with my friend. She is untouchable as far as he is concerned.

I count my lucky stars every day that my wife is as great with my kids as she is. She knew about them coming into the relationship, as I knew about her

little girl. She "proved herself" early on, as far as me and my bunch were concerned.

 

We hadn't been together very long when I went to get my kids for a weekend visit. I picked them up only to find out that they each had a stomach virus.(Don't even get me started about their mother letting them come up here when she knew they were sick). When I got home, I called my now wife and told her not to come over because of the kids being sick. About an hour later, I heard a knock on the door. She was standing on the porch with toys, games and movies for the kids. She told me to make out a list of what I needed from the store, and she ran and got me everything I needed. Finally, she went home and made homemade potato soup for the kids, so that they would have something to eat that would be gentle on their stomach. She did all of this without me asking for a thing. I knew then that I had found the right woman to have around my kids, and she hasn't given me any reason to question my decision yet.

Talking to her would only end the friendship with my friend. She is untouchable as far as he is concerned.

 

Sorry but I would address him and her both. They may not like it/never talk to you again. Just because he is a sissy and she's a troll doesn't mean the child should suffer.

Your kids should always come first and your new love should be told that the kids come first going into the relationship.

 

I know a man whose new wife insisted she come before his child. The new wife would even sabatoge any quality time father tried to spend with the child. A decade has passed and new wife has left for someone else and the father is rebuilding his now adult child. He is very lucky though that his child gives him the time of day now, mho. New wife eventually ran his friends off. They all tried to warn him because they saw it coming but he didn't want to listen. His new wife ran off his friends after a while b/c none of them could stand to be around her and she wouldn't let him spend time with his friends without her. I say go ahead and say something to him. If she is that selfish she will run off his friends anyway, so what is there to lose.

I have been a single Father for over 10 years now and I cannot imagine how ANYONE could come before your child!!!

 

I dated a special woman for 4 years and I was always totally honest with her, to much I guess. She once told me that she didn't feel number 1 in my life, I told her the best she could ever hope for was number 3. My 2 sons would always be 1 and 2.

 

Maybe that was a little harsh, but it was true.

 

 

This friend is making a terrible mistake!!!!

For me when I had the kids I did not date. My reason was the children came first and no way was I going to let anyone try and mess that up.

 

My son is in his 20's and if he set me down and said dad this person you are seeing is not whatever and if you can not see this I can no longer be in your life. The woman would go. My son will always be my son there is nothing that says the lady will always be that,my lady.

No one should EVER come before your child - period. You are going to lose this friendship because of her anyway, and before it's said and done, you will have lost your mind in the process. I would let him know why you are removing yourself from the situation, but leave the door open for him to come back for support when that relationship is over - and I promise you it will end. Hopefully, since you are such good friends now, you have been in his child's life enough to stay there and help him through this. If it's an older child, let him know that you don't necessarily agree with his Dad, and are also really confused about what's going on, but the two of you will try and figure it out together until his Dad comes to his senses. The best thing you can do as a best friend is to try and help this kid. Good luck to you - it's a really tough situation.

The kid is 19 and we have talked.

He moved out of his dads place and picked up a job and is staying at another relatives place.

 

The dad told me things were ok and my reply is something is still wrong if he is not living with you.

 

These two were as tight as two could be until she came into the picture.

The kid is 19 and we have talked.

He moved out of his dads place and picked up a job and is staying at another relatives place.

 

The dad told me things were ok and my reply is something is still wrong if he is not living with you.

 

These two were as tight as two could be until she came into the picture.

 

This "kid" is 19? I thought you were talking about a 12 year old or something.