The title is weak so forgive me on that.

 

My question is directly to parents who have a child but are no long with that childs mother/father.

 

Let's say you get into a new relationship and within a month or so you and the new person are already planning your marriage.

 

Do you at any point put the new person above your child who you have had living with you forever and you and this child are like best friends.

 

You have told this child he is your number one and nothing will ever come above them.

 

Just wondering.

 

My reasoning, I just watched someone I am close to break their son's heart and now the son is packing everything up and moving back to his mother's house.

Edited October 11, 200817 yr by newarkcatholicfan

 

Let's say you get into a new relationship and within a month or so you and the new person are already planning your marriage.

 

Do you at any point put the new person above your child who you have had living with you forever and you and this child are like best friends.

 

You have told this child he is your number one and nothing will ever come above them.

 

Just wondering.

 

My reasoning, I just watched someone I am close to break their son's heart and now the son is packing everything up and moving back to his mother's house.

 

A month or so is way to soon to talk marriage.

 

I would not put the new person above my child. The new person MUST and WILL adjust to my situation/life with my child. If the new person has an issue...the new person needs to go. The child is apart of the package...end of story.

Not only talking marriage she has him convinced to sale his home which he still owes on. She has no clue to this person has zero credit and has major money problems.

 

She gets to act innocent as far as wanting the child to go because the child and the dad had a very diiferent outllok on the marriage and the dad told the son you need to go. Not in those exact words but the meaning was there loud and clear.

What a rough situation. A month into a relationship and that other person is talking about marriage, WOW.

 

I grew up in a single parent home with just my mom, and her rule was that she only dated ( with my now step dad) when I was at my dads house for the weekend. She never brought men home ( only family friends that I knew) and she made absolute sure that she and her boyfriend were serious before letting me meet them. I met one guy and that is now my stepdad who I love more than anything. She felt it was necessary to make sure that I not only new that I was her #1 but to let me know that she wasn't leaving me for any one person. It was very comforting and I thank her for that. I see some households where the children are exposed to different men and women all the time and it gets confusing. They get attached and about the time they accept the person, and they up and leave.

They have now set a date.

Your child comes before everybody.

My wife of ten years now had a three year old son when we met. She didn't have anyone she could leave him with on a consistent basis (his father wanted nothing to do with him then or now), so I included him in on everything we did. A romantic dinner to a fine Italian restaurant was changed to Fazoli's and the kid menu. A Garth Brooks concert was replaced by Disney On Ice. I realized if I wanted to be with her, I had to build our lives around them, not just her. My parents took to him like he was a natural grandchild. My brothers family and his kids were happy to have a "new cousin" they could play with right away, not having to wait until they got bigger. My willingness to accept them as a package has made our life as a family better. Had I been reluctant to do so could have caused resentment that would still be an issue. If your friend values his relationship with his son, he will tell this lady that his son comes first. If she loves him, then she will love his son.

My wife of ten years now had a three year old son when we met. She didn't have anyone she could leave him with on a consistent basis (his father wanted nothing to do with him then or now), so I included him in on everything we did. A romantic dinner to a fine Italian restaurant was changed to Fazoli's and the kid menu. A Garth Brooks concert was replaced by Disney On Ice. I realized if I wanted to be with her, I had to build our lives around them, not just her. My parents took to him like he was a natural grandchild. My brothers family and his kids were happy to have a "new cousin" they could play with right away, not having to wait until they got bigger. My willingness to accept them as a package has made our life as a family better. Had I been reluctant to do so could have caused resentment that would still be an issue. If your friend values his relationship with his son, he will tell this lady that his son comes first. If she loves him, then she will love his son.

 

 

Bingo!!! :thumb:

Your kid comes first no matter what. She sounds like a control freak. This guy better realize that long after she is gone...and she will be gone....his kid will always be there. I would also be afraid that she would be a controlling abuser!!!

My wife of ten years now had a three year old son when we met. She didn't have anyone she could leave him with on a consistent basis (his father wanted nothing to do with him then or now), so I included him in on everything we did. A romantic dinner to a fine Italian restaurant was changed to Fazoli's and the kid menu. A Garth Brooks concert was replaced by Disney On Ice. I realized if I wanted to be with her, I had to build our lives around them, not just her. My parents took to him like he was a natural grandchild. My brothers family and his kids were happy to have a "new cousin" they could play with right away, not having to wait until they got bigger. My willingness to accept them as a package has made our life as a family better. Had I been reluctant to do so could have caused resentment that would still be an issue. If your friend values his relationship with his son, he will tell this lady that his son comes first. If she loves him, then she will love his son.

 

 

Very well said.:thumb:

 

Your son is a very lucky guy.

 

What kind of guy would make his son leave over a month old relationship? How very sad for that boy.

Very well said.:thumb:

 

Your son is a very lucky guy.

 

What kind of guy would make his son leave over a month old relationship? How very sad for that boy.

 

I know..I almost cried. This will effect this little guy for the rest of his life. Your friend needs a slap to the head!!

I was a single parent for a while and when I met my current wife she did a great job of not stepping on anyone's toes or trying to replace their mother. It has been a daily struggle though when you have an instant family or step situation. The new person in the relationship has to realize that there is a bond there and that it cannot be taken away.

 

It sounds like this new person is putting stipulations on this man and that is not good. If it was different circumstances and the new person gradually became a part of the family and didnt marry in 30 days then thats one thing.

 

The only thing I will say is that a step parent should be respected in a household just as the stepmother or father should respect the children.

She has some kind of power over him almost witchcraft/black magic like.

When all is said and done meaning this relationship comes to an end I will have this song by Alabama playing for him.

 

She put the sad in his songs(to bad he does not play the guitar)

 

He was a good time, beer bar picker until the night she came along.

He gave up his women and his liquor, and she put the sad in all his songs.

 

Something about hermade him sorry.

She was holy in his eyes. She had him bound and hypnotized.

 

She put the sad in all his songs. She put the blues in his guitar.

She took what he had and she made it wrong.

She put the sad in all his songs.

 

She was the rattle snake that bit him.

SHe was the blow fromup behind.

She thought the tear in his eye just might fit him, and he was the last thing

on her mind.

 

She put the sad in all his songs. She put the blues in his guitar.

She took what he had and she made it wrong.

She put the sad in all his songs.

 

She put the sad in all his songs.

She has some kind of power over him almost witchcraft/black magic like.

 

I would call it something else and it ends in Power.