[Caution: Really Long Story]

 

It's always been my habit to lean on the shoulder of one of my BGP friends in times of trouble. Sometimes I lean on all of your shoulders. This is one of those times. Wanted to tell you about an old friend of mine. Her name is Julie. We went to a school (for disabled kids) together in 1st & 2nd grade. She was a trip!

 

In those days, Julie was always playing the little southern belle--accent and all. For as young as we were, she was the most boy-crazy little girl I ever knew. Unfortunately for me, I was her prime target. I'm not bragging when I say she had a crush (or something like it) on me. She pestered me relentlessly. This would have been tolerable, had she not done the unthinkable...

 

The year after I left the school, I was asked to come back and join my former classmates on the Easter Seal Telethon. One by one, we were shuffled onto the stage to look cute and pry open some donor wallets. Julie was lined up right in front of me.

 

When it was her turn, she marched right out there and turned on the charm. The host (Glenn "Skipper" Ryle) asked her only one question.

 

"So Julie, do you have a boyfriend?"

 

[My blood ran cold.]

 

And then she said it--right there in front of the entire tri-state area--she umm, "implicated" (for lack of a funnier word) me! :irked:

 

And then...it was my turn to be interviewed. You remember that scene in the movie Christmas Story, where Ralphie meets Santa? Yeah, it was kinda like that.

 

"What's your name little boy?" I so wanted to lie. But surrounded by scary adults and scarier lenses, I told the truth. Funny, but I don't remember much after that. It' s all just an eerie blur.

 

The next day, I had to go back to my new school and face the gauntlet. It was if a note had been sent home requiring every parent in my class to sit their kid in front of the tube at the moment I was to appear, just in case I ended up being humiliated. Mission accomplished.

 

Well, I was furious at Julie for a few years; but as I grew older, and the memory faded, my anger became more of a running gag in my circle of friends. I pretended to be mad at her, and acted like she was the plague. I don't think I really felt that way though. But to admit to liking Julie would have shocked my friends and earned me much razzing.

 

We lost contact over the years. But in the mid-80's we got back in touch through our mutual classmates. We got together a few times, and much to my own surprise, and shock of our friends, we (briefly) shared something of a little romance. It didn't last long. To this day, I'm not sure why. It might be that "boy crazy" thing I mentioned earlier. Maybe it was me.

 

After those few trips over to see her, I never saw her again. I gained a new circle of friends (most of them here on BGP) and we lost touch once again. I always felt a little guilty about how I had treated her through the years. Even though she teased and pestered me relentlessly, she didn't deserve how I treated her. You always wish you could make amends with people, and tell people that you like how you really feel. You've got to remember to do that.

 

Julie died today. She was 43.

 

For someone I haven't seen in 20 or more years, this really is effecting me a lot more that I would expect. I just can't believe it. We've lost a lot of friends over the years--it kind of goes with the territory in the disabled world. But this is another one that hits real close to home. Julie and I were alike in a lot of ways. But I think what bothers me the most is the missed opportunity to be there when she needed someone, and the chance to make things right.

 

Sorry for going on with a long story. But you guys tend to make great therapists. And I think I could use a couple good ones about now.

Touching story BF.

 

"You always wish you could make amends with people, and tell people that you like how you really feel." -- This statement couldn't be more right. It always seems, just as you are ready to make peace with someone or tell someone something you've been putting off for years, you're a day late.

 

Sounds like a lot of this happened when you were younger. When you're that young, you get a pass. You don't know any better at that age. Even "boy crazy" little girls grow up. They grow up to be young women and I'm sure that by the age of 43 Julie realized that you were just a young boy acting as young boys do and that you meant no harm by it.

 

Hope that helped a little. I'm sorry about your loss.

Hope that helped a little. I'm sorry about your loss.

Thanks. And it does.

BF, first, you MUST forgive yourself....it sounds like you are blaming yourself and you need not to....second, don't "should" on yourself. This is easier said than done. "I should have done this, I should not have done that"....well, it just is a horrible circle that we get ourselves into. It is not mentally healthy and can really eat you alive.

 

Personally, it sounds as though she needed males in her life for her own need. She needed to feel pretty and special. It is unfortunate that she did not realize that only she could do this for herself....no one else can or could. It really sounded as though she might have had a few issues that you were not able to help her through....sounds like no one could.

 

Everything happens for a reason....some, we just are unaware of the reasoning behind it. Maybe you did touch her life and she did not want that. She needed to be in the lime light. Again, please, don't hold yourself responsible for anything when it comes to this. You, as a couple, just did not work. There is nothing wrong with that. It happens all the time.

 

If you look back and remember the good and funny times you two had, you might realize that you were there for her. Maybe not in the end, however, how were you to know? We are never promised another second on this earth. This is a very harsh reality that I have not even gotten the grasp of yet. I know that when we pass, we go to be with our Father (at least we hope) and all of that, but, it is so hard for the people who are left behind. The grieving prosses is a hard one.

 

Surround yourself with your friends and you will see how much you do touch lives. We were all put in each others lives for a reason....a special reason. There are times when a simple smile or joke can really change a persons day, if not the whole outlook on life. We are all still growing and learning and it is the people, as well as experience and differences, that helps us to grow and learn.

 

Hang in there. I know this is a hard time for you and if you need anything, let me know. God be with you, her family and friends.

From YOUR view of the story, it seems you brought great joy to her life.

And that is a view that didn't want to be her boyfriend.

Imagine the joy you brought her, from her side of the story.

She seems to have been blessed for having you in her life for even the little she did.

I've heard your "Julie" story before and I've told you before that it's a story that will always bring you wonderful memories and it has. I am truly sorry about her death and I do know what it's like to lose an old friend. Please know that we can't all be everything to everyone and sometimes without our knowing it, we are to someone just what they need.

 

Just remember her with a warm heart and pray for her and know that it truly will be o-kay. If you need me for anything, you know where I am.

BF, I can't express how sorry I am for your loss. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but I know I can't. All I can tell you is how blessed you were to know her and share a little in her life. I'm always a phone call away if you need someone to talk to.

From YOUR view of the story, it seems you brought great joy to her life.

And that is a view that didn't want to be her boyfriend.

Imagine the joy you brought her, from her side of the story.

She seems to have been blessed for having you in her life for even the little she did.

 

:thumb:That is exactly what I was going to say. BF, I think you brought her way more joy than you know. Now let yourself off the hook and grieve her properly for the friend that she was, don't grieve yourself for the friend you weren't. (I hope that didn't sound too harsh) What I mean is, don't get caught all up in yourself, but remember her for who she was and what she meant to you. And it sounds like she was someone who thought the world of you. We all need more people like that in our lives.

 

And, I'm very sorry for your loss.

One other thing, the thought of poor little BF standing on that stage, being outed as Julie's boyfriend--well that just made me laugh. Memories like that are priceless!:lol:

See, this is why the BGP family is worth more than gold! You guys are the best. Thanks so much for your support and wise words. It really has helped me sort this thing through.

 

I guess what made this whole thing even more of a blow was the fact that I've experienced three deaths in the past three days. Wednesday, my great aunt died. She was my late grandpa's last living relative. Thursday, a neighbor passed away. And last night, Julie. Been one heck of a week.

 

Without dragging on into too much detail, I think this thing with Julie was as much about myself as it was her. It's a reminder of my own tenuous mortality, and how easy it would be to fall into that same circumstance. We all have our crosses to bear. But some people have to lean on others maybe a little more than most. When their support system breaks down, for whatever reason, they can be vulnerable...and bad things can happen. I've seen it happen at least eight times now to friends that were way too young to leave this world.

 

So, life goes on; but this was yet another little reminder of how precious life is, and how important it is to enjoy it and to not leave anything unsaid. If you've got an issue with anyone that you've been wishing you could resolve, or haven't told your loved ones/friends how you feel--do it. In fact, do it now.

 

Thanks again guys and gals. :thumb:

One other thing, the thought of poor little BF standing on that stage, being outed as Julie's boyfriend--well that just made me laugh. Memories like that are priceless!:lol:

That story has become the stuff of legend. It was a real Art Linkletter moment, for sure! :lol:

No one can say they know how you feel, only you know that. Just remember all the good you did for each other and the good times you had with her. One cannot have a redo on the past, just remember and celebrate her life, the good times. Celebrate ! I wish you well.

I know how you feel. I lost my uncle yesterday from a brain tumor.

Very touching story, Birdsfan.:cry: and I too am sorry for your loss.

 

:thumb: on your avatar!!

BF,

The Tater ain't much with healing words, but I am thinking about you and so sorry for your loss. Old friends are hard to lose. :cry:

 

New friends are great to find, and I hope to meet with you again someday.:thumb: