In reading a story about HRC picking up some of the ground she lost after her recent debate performance I thought to myself that early voting before primaries is like beer. We say "I'm going to check out this new beer I heard about..." and then we later settle back into what's comfortable.

 

So I figured we'd Miller-Lighten this up a bit.

 

Go through the POTUS candidates and equate them to a beer.

 

Cheers.

This would seem to cover the majority of them...

 

THEY ALL STINK:

 

Clinton - Budweiser. Trying desperately to appeal to everyone. "We're proudly a macro-brew and we don't care about fancy good tasting beers! But also our beer is beech wood aged and we have a 150 year-old recipe so it's totally OK to like it, hipsters. Please drink our beer. Please."

 

Sanders - Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Maple Bacon Beer. Sounds interesting at first and people will try to be cool and drink it for a while, but you don't want more than a sip.

 

O'Malley - O'Douls. As boring as possible.

 

Webb - Lone Star. You drink it because that's what your dad drank and you're not a sissy.

 

Chaffee - Bud Light Straw-berita. Can't figure out what it wants to be and somebody drinks it, I guess.

 

Maybe think of the Republicans later.

Edited October 17, 201510 yr by Habib

Clinton - Budweiser. Trying desperately to appeal to everyone. "We're proudly a macro-brew and we don't care about fancy good tasting beers! But also our beer is beech wood aged and we have a 150 year-old recipe so it's totally OK to like it' date=' hipsters. Please drink our beer. Please." Sanders - Rogue Voodoo Doughnut Maple Bacon Beer. Sounds interesting at first and people will try to be cool and drink it for a while, but you don't want more than a sip. O'Malley - O'Douls. As boring as possible. Webb - Lone Star. You drink it because that's what your dad drank and you're not a sissy. Chaffee - Bud Light Straw-berita. Can't figure out what it wants to be and somebody drinks it, I guess. Maybe think of the Republicans later.[/quote']

 

 

Beautiful. Exactly what I was seeking.

Hillary would be Near Beer, a fake.

Trump - Bud Light. Mass appeal based on slick marketing and sound bytes. In reality, it's watered down, lacking taste, and lacking substance.

Paul - Pabst Blue Ribbon. At one time it was the beer of the "everyday man". Popularity abruptly faded and it's now gaining favor among the hipster or counter-culture crowd.

I don't know a lot about beer. What's the sexiest beer? You know, super smooth, great texture, aromatic, not too filling but just enough. I'd say that Hillary's beer!

 

Christie - Sam Adams. Does cool things from time to time. Every beer drinker has enjoyed at least one bottle of beer produced by Sam Adams on at least one occasion, but for most, it's just generally not much of a go-to.

So I figured we'd Miller-Lighten this up a bit.

 

Tsk-tsk...there's no 'gh' in Miller Lite, Clyde.

Donald Trump - Old Milwaukee: Beloved of people's uncles across the middle America, it simply isn't palatable. There's a nostalgia to that old can but what's inside just isn't going to appeal to most drinkers. That's not going to stop your uncle -- you know the one -- the guy who talks about how nice his neighborhood "used to be" -- from making it his choice each and every time.

 

Carly Fiorina - Stroh's: Once a strong, massive company, Stroh's brewery was stripped down and sold, its employees laid off, the recipe and intellectual property sold to Pabst and the actual brewing contracted out to Miller. The can still says all the right things, but there's no telling what's in there.

 

Marco Rubio - Rolling Rock: Smooth, palatable, and non-agressive. Every once in a while leaves a bad taste but is usually a solid placeholder. You know what you're getting, but you'll never be pleasantly surprised either.

 

Ted Cruz - Stella Artois: Easily recognizable in most places around the world as a garbage beer suitable only for aggressive, nasty drinkers but somehow plays in parts of the United States as a respectable, fancy import.