How many times have we seen this play out, where a parents actions or overzealous involvement with their child actually holds them back or quite possibly gives other coaches a negative impression of the kid?

 

After reading the Moss story in the paper something stood out loud and clear to me. Why would a kid transfer because the coaches wouldn't talk with the Mom? Parents need to let their kids grow up and fend for themselves. There's more to life than basketball, so let them learn how to deal with issues on their own. Just my opinion.

 

What do the BGP contingent think about this?

Seen this play out so many times, usually where Dad is running his mouth in the stands - some of these clowns would never have the testicular fortitude to say something to coach directly. Word gets back to coach via his wife, kids, parents, etc and suddenly Junior is not held in such high esteem. Not fair, but fact of life.

Edited August 16, 201313 yr by Randy Parker
Rule 5

Many coaches are now refusing to talk to parents about issues, using a 24 hour cooling off period. Many require the student to meet with the coaches prior to the coach meeting with a parent. In many cases, the coaches have the AD or principal sit in so there can be no misunderstanding.

 

I like all of these policies, believing it makes the student address the issue (if there is one). Wonder how many times the student doesn't have a problem while mom/dad are going insane in the bleachers? Often.

I unfortunately see it every year, boys and girls and at every age not just high school. Give me a coach that challenges my kids and makes my kids earn playing time and work for everything they get. Prepares them for real life outside of high school. Discipline, work ethic and a good attitude will take these kids farther in life. Unfortunately some parents have blinders on and act like JO's. Makes coaching a tough gig now a days.

Gets worse every year

At the college level, I don't think the coach should have to explain anything to the parents. It's between the kid and coach and mommy/daddy needs to stay out of it. I've had kids who have played college ball and at no point would I have ever questioned the coach. It's not middle/high school.

Much more to the Moss transfer than what you are reading.

How many times have we seen this play out, where a parents actions or overzealous involvement with their child actually holds them back or quite possibly gives other coaches a negative impression of the kid?

 

After reading the Moss story in the paper something stood out loud and clear to me. Why would a kid transfer because the coaches wouldn't talk with the Mom? Parents need to let their kids grow up and fend for themselves. There's more to life than basketball, so let them learn how to deal with issues on their own. Just my opinion.

 

What do the BGP contingent think about this?

 

 

Not knowing anything on the Moss situation, I'll not comment on that. As far as the issue of parents effecting their child's experience and overall development, I agree completely. It does happen far too much, and it is sad.

 

First of all, let me say this...I do not agree with the bolded statement completely. I think I know what you are trying to say, but perhaps I am taking that statement to the extreme. Yes, parents need to let their teenage children step up and initiate big people conversations with coaches, yes the parents don't need to fix everything for their child and they need to let their child go through a real life struggle and learn to deal with it properly. So, yes, there does need to be some "hands off" and "let their kids grow up" attitude by the parents. I think it is the "fend for themselves" statement that got me. I 100% believe that this can go too far. A parent can not absolutely withdrawal and leave a child to "fend for themselves". That is perhaps, just as detrimental as the extreme opposite of controlling and fixing everything for them.

 

Being involved in the problem with the child IS NOT the problem. What I have seen time and time again is HOW the parent is involved. Usually HOW they are involved is negative, negative, negative. The coach is stupid, your team mates aren't as good as you, the teacher is not doing her job, the athletic director has favorites, that school or team is full of politics...you have heard them before. They point the finger, and blame everyone else and they take action completely from this viewpoint and belief. They leave schools, they jump from AAU team to team, they criticize instead of encourage. And, yes this becomes a very big problem for the child. The child can never learn the value of working harder to get better, because they can never be honest with their weaknesses and what they need to work on. The parent won't let them see it by putting all of the problems with everyone else. The child learns that it is easier to complain, point the finger and leave, instead of encourage, believe and stick with something long enough to experience the fruit of hard work. And worse of all, the child can never really attain a steady channel of self worth, because mom and/or dad is never really happy or satisfied until they are a superstar. This ends up in the child carrying an unseen but very real pressure that takes the fun out of sports. (perhaps why many quit)

 

Again, involvement is not the problem...it is HOW the parent is involved. I believe, when it is done right, the parent will be involved. They will help the child INTERPRET the struggles and issues HONESTLY and therefore correctly. Parents can lovingly communicate to the child...if you want to earn a starting spot, you have to work very hard. If other kids play more than you, it doesn't make you a bad person. I still love you. Other people have lots of talent also...it is a competitive world. I believe in you. Stick with it...keep working. Keep your head up...and don't quit! you are a great person. How about asking the coach what you need to work on to get better and ask him to put a work out together for you. (and one of my personal favorites) what can you do to be the best team mate you can be?...serve your teammates, encourage your teammates and never talk down about them.

 

These are just a few thoughts, but the point is simple. Parents do need to be involved, but how they are involved makes all the difference. If parents can step up and help the child interpret life and their struggles correctly, not negatively, then it will go miles for fixing the problem. What people believe will determine their actions. If they believe negative assumptions about coaches, schools, teammates and programs, they will take actions accordingly, and many times they are not the best decisions to bring long term results. If they interpret things honestly and positively to their child, and the parent and the child believe positive assumptions about team mates, coaches and schools, they will usually respond and act positively. This will usually result in the child having a positive experience, a positive outlook, a positive self image and eventually positive results.

T7's,

 

I agree with much of what you said, but you took my statement "fend for themselves" too literally. I didn't state some of the obvious things that would need intervening.

Much more to the Moss transfer than what you are reading.

 

I'm sure there's more sides to the story. The reporter shouldn't have even mentioned that information.

I'm sure she will have a fantastic time at TMC.

T7's,

 

I agree with much of what you said, but you took my statement "fend for themselves" too literally. I didn't state some of the obvious things that would need intervening.

 

I thought there was a possibility I was taking that farther than what you meant. No big deal. It does drive me crazy though how some parents can get so negative. Like their life depends on how good their child is or what people think of them. We are on the same page.

I will add, that through my own experiences on both sides as a coach AND as a parent, that coaches are NOT infallible, even at the college level. They are human and make mistakes and have character flaws just like the rest of us. But, yes, parents can be absolutely ridiculous more often than not.