Chuck Norris sues, says his tears no cancer cure

Chuck Norris won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

If you look in a mirror and say "Chuck Norris" three times, he will appear and kill your entire family... but at least you get to see Chuck Norris.

To pull America out of the Great Depression, Chuck Norris listed his beard on the stock exchange. While these shares have become increasingly valuable, no one has ever been game enough to collect.

Chuck Norris doesn't enter the Olympics because it would not be fair. So every four years, he is mailed 237 gold medals.

Contrary to popular belief, a meteor did not end the dinosaurs' existance. It was Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick; it was so powerful it left a massive crater in the earth.

Chuck Norris pay's his bar tabs by letting the barkeep live.

To show its patriotism, the American flag recently got a tattoo of Chuck Norris.

Michael Jackson wrote the song "Bad" while pretending he was Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris coined the term "pwned" and is the only one who can correctly pronounce it.

Archaeologists have recently found a saddle with the with the inscription, "property of Chuck Norris" etched into the hardened leather right on top of the fossilized skeleton of a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Chuck Norris only goes to the mall to tell little children there is no such person as Santa Claus....then he goes to Cinnabon.

Chuck Norris actually auditioned for the part of Jerry Seinfeld's neighbor in the hit TV show. But the improvised scene where Chuck put a bag full of live rats over Jerry's head as a gag didn't test very well with the audience.

Chuck Norris can win a soccer game with only using his hands.

Chuck Norris knows that there can never be true equality. This is not because people are flawed, though, but because Chuck Norris does not accept anyone as his equal.

Chuck Norris is the only human in recorded history to ever actually walk on the ocean floor.

Chuck Norris once killed a man by simply showing him how to love.

And my personal fav...

Someone once asked Chuck Norris "Who let the dogs out?" Chuck Norris thought for a second, then replied "Go EDIT yourself!"