Parenting: What Would You Do?

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    Parenting: What Would You Do?

    I watch the show "Parenthood" and in last night's episode the 16 yr old daughter admitted to her parents that she and her boyfriend were having sex.

    Got me to thinking about 2 scenarios.

    1. The above. Your child tells you or you find out that your child is having sex with his/her significant other. What do you do?

    2. Your junior or senior in high school tells you that it's inevitable that he/she will smoke weed when they get to college. What is your reply?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clyde View Post
    I watch the show "Parenthood" and in last night's episode the 16 yr old daughter admitted to her parents that she and her boyfriend were having sex.

    Got me to thinking about 2 scenarios.

    1. The above. Your child tells you or you find out that your child is having sex with his/her significant other. What do you do?

    2. Your junior or senior in high school tells you that it's inevitable that he/she will smoke weed when they get to college. What is your reply?
    1. No clue on this one.

    2. My reply would be, "I know".

  3. #3
    MJAlltheWay24's Avatar
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    I don't have the luxury of being a parent and probably will not be any time soon, but to play along...

    1) Let him or her know that I am disappointed in their decision making. But do my best to ensure that they are utilizing the safest practices.

    2) Once again, how disappointed I am and if they ever get in trouble for it...they are competely cutoff.

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    So....my child didn't tell me, but they stupidly forgot to close an IM session on my computer and left the house. I won't forget how I felt. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I didn't say anything for a full 24 hours, and thought, and thought about what I was going to do. Finally I asked to speak to both my kids, and started asking questions about what they were doing, were they using protection, etc. etc. Then I went into the self-respect conversation, and having respect for the other person, etc, etc. I also went into depth about what the consequences could be, and made them talk to me about how they would handle them, if they came to be. I also talked to them about how I was as a teenager, and since it was no secret that I was pregnant before getting married, talked about that experience. I also talked about getting married just because you're pregnant, and what a mistake that is, and talked to them about my marriage to their father and how short it was, and we talked about how it affected their lives.

    As to the 2nd, I have no experience with that issue, but I would probably handle it the same way.

    My kids always hated my punishments and these types of conversations with me. I once made my daughter write an essay detailing her long and short term goals, and what would the consequences be if she continued on a certain course (unrelated to either of the questions posed here). She begged to be grounded instead.

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    HammerTime's Avatar
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    1st- Talk to them about it because honestly you aren't going to be able to stop them for doing it. Make sure they understand what the risk really are and how to be "protected".

    2nd - Let them know if I find out it happens they are cut off financially



    Notice...

    I don't have kids so that just my opinion of what I would do NOW.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MJAlltheWay24 View Post

    2) Once again, how disappointed I am and if they ever get in trouble for it...they are competely cutoff.
    Explain "completely cutoff."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Clyde View Post
    Explain "completely cutoff."
    From dad's funds...aka paying for college or things of that nature. Not communication.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Clyde View Post
    I watch the show "Parenthood" and in last night's episode the 16 yr old daughter admitted to her parents that she and her boyfriend were having sex.

    Got me to thinking about 2 scenarios.

    1. The above. Your child tells you or you find out that your child is having sex with his/her significant other. What do you do?

    2. Your junior or senior in high school tells you that it's inevitable that he/she will smoke weed when they get to college. What is your reply?
    1. I don't have kids and hope thats not an issue for 20+ years.
    2. I would tell them to not be stupid about being stupid. College kids are going to do dumb things, and in a way it's part of the experience. BUT, I would stress things like not doing it while driving, or making it an every day kind of thing. My biggest concern would be who they buy it from. There are a lot of sketchy people out there, especially when it comes to drugs and money.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MJAlltheWay24 View Post
    From dad's funds...aka paying for college or things of that nature. Not communication.
    So would that apply to drinking beer before he's/she's 21?

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    Quote Originally Posted by ThrillVille Cardinal51 View Post
    1. I don't have kids and hope thats not an issue for 20+ years.
    2. I would tell them to not be stupid about being stupid. College kids are going to do dumb things, and in a way it's part of the experience. BUT, I would stress things like not doing it while driving, or making it an every day kind of thing. My biggest concern would be who they buy it from. There are a lot of sketchy people out there, especially when it comes to drugs and money.
    How old will you be then? That's a long time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MJAlltheWay24 View Post
    I don't have the luxury of being a parent and probably will not be any time soon, but to play along...

    1) Let him or her know that I am disappointed in their decision making. But do my best to ensure that they are utilizing the safest practices.

    2) Once again, how disappointed I am and if they ever get in trouble for it...they are competely cutoff.
    So they can smoke and escape "completely cutoff" as long as they don't get caught?

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    I agree with most of the posters above! But I wouldn't cut them off or be too angry about either. As others have stated above, I would talk to them about protection and even tell them to go get it as well as birth control, not sure where to get the morning after pill but I would make sure they get that too, and I would tell my son(s) to make sure the girl takes it. Since it takes 24+hrs to get to where it needs to go and you are just preventing fertilization I see nothing wrong with it (ok I was trying to keep that as clean as possible, lol).

    As far as the smoking, someone above said what I would say,"just don't be stupid" and DON'T DRIVE after smoking! Just as in drinking!" I would rather someone call me waking me up in the middle of the night to come pick them up because they can't drive, than to have them attempt to drive because they need to get home or where ever but they are high/drunk. As well as not let if effect their work and schooling, I consider it much like drinking as in you can use it to a point and not effect your life negatively. I know some who smoke a few times a week in moderation but never before they work or drive, and they are much better off and more responsible than others I know who drink a few times a week.

    Also, why do some who smoke think they can be more alert and drive after they smoke?

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    Quote Originally Posted by SportsGuy41017 View Post
    I agree with most of the posters above! But I wouldn't cut them off or be too angry about either. As others have stated above, I would talk to them about protection and even tell them to go get it as well as birth control, not sure where to get the morning after pill but I would make sure they get that too, and I would tell my son(s) to make sure the girl takes it. Since it takes 24+hrs to get to where it needs to go and you are just preventing fertilization I see nothing wrong with it (ok I was trying to keep that as clean as possible, lol).

    As far as the smoking, someone above
    Huh?

  14. #14

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    As RM stated, marriage just because you are having a kid together doesn't work! I tried to explain that to one of my best friends up near Columbus last year the day before he popped the question to his GF, it was on Valentines Day. A month before they got married, last May, he was wishing he didn't ask her, and still feels that way.

    RM, I'm sure many kids would love having you as a mom and take tour punishments

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by rockmom View Post
    So....my child didn't tell me, but they stupidly forgot to close an IM session on my computer and left the house. I won't forget how I felt. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I didn't say anything for a full 24 hours, and thought, and thought about what I was going to do. Finally I asked to speak to both my kids, and started asking questions about what they were doing, were they using protection, etc. etc. Then I went into the self-respect conversation, and having respect for the other person, etc, etc. I also went into depth about what the consequences could be, and made them talk to me about how they would handle them, if they came to be. I also talked to them about how I was as a teenager, and since it was no secret that I was pregnant before getting married, talked about that experience. I also talked about getting married just because you're pregnant, and what a mistake that is, and talked to them about my marriage to their father and how short it was, and we talked about how it affected their lives.

    As to the 2nd, I have no experience with that issue, but I would probably handle it the same way.

    My kids always hated my punishments and these types of conversations with me. I once made my daughter write an essay detailing her long and short term goals, and what would the consequences be if she continued on a certain course (unrelated to either of the questions posed here). She begged to be grounded instead.
    I really like the bolded part.

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