Chuck Norris jokes

Page 2 of These things crack me up. Post your favorite here. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. The chief export of Ch... 73 comments | 2738 Views | Go to page 1 →

  1. #16

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    Quote Originally Posted by bugatti
    Chuck Norris was once a weatherman but was fired for always predicting a 100% chance of pain.


    I hadn't heard that one yet!
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  2. #17
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    February 29th only occurs once every four years because Chuck Norris wills it to be so.

  3. #18

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    The question is not how far. The question is, do you possess the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far as is needed?
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    Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

  4. #19

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    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

  5. #20

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    Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.

  6. #21

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    Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

  7. #22
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    Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

    When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

    Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

  8. #23

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    Chuck Norris only uses one chopstick.

  9. #24

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    Kama Sutra takes tips from Chuck Norris
    *am I allowed to post that *

  10. #25
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  11. #26

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    Quote Originally Posted by _Scarface_
    That's cheating

  12. #27

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    The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

    Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

    Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

    One time Van Dam beat the tar out of Chuck Norris....... but he was rudely awakened from this dream by a round house kick to the face.

  13. #28
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    Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, to bad he has never cried

    Chuck Norris once punched a cyclops in between the eyes.

    Chuck Norris doesn't turn the lights off, he turns the dark on.

    When Chuck Norris was born he punched the doctor in the mouth and said,"No one delivers Chuck Norris, but Chuck Norris".

    Chuck Norris died two years ago, but the Grim Reaper is to scared to tell him.

    When you are having sex with your wife, she is thinking about Chuck Norris. But, that is alright, because you are to.

    Chuck Norris is the only person who can kick a man in the back of the face, think about that.

  14. #29
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    Somebody once told Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks weren't the best way to kick someone... Historians have recorded this as the biggest mistake in history.

  15. #30
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    In the bible, Jesus turned water into wine, then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

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