An Evil Fortune Cookie

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Sep 08
    The Town That Bleeds Blue

    An Evil Fortune Cookie

    Let me begin my story by saying I have never really been a superstitious person. Okay, that's a lie, but that's generally how people begin stories such as this.

    A few weeks ago, my girlfriend and I went to the #1 China Buffet in Lexington. After gorging myself with vast amounts of rice, lo mein, general tsao's, and other various foods, the waitress brings me the check and two fortune cookies.

    Now, normally when I eat the cookie and look at the fortune I get a kick out of the terrible grammar or silly premonition. However, this sinister little cookie contained a short sentence that would go on to rule my life from that moment on. Simply, it read "Your luck is about to dramatically change."

    At the time I thought nothing of it. I could use a little more luck in my everyday life. My mistake was in not realizing the negative tone of the fortune.

    Since the opening of that life-changing cookie, the following events have occurred in my life:

    - My ERupption Zone ticket for the Vandy game disappeared from my pocket in the time it took me to walk from my car to the game and I could not go in.

    - My car was hit at a red light, and the other car just took off never to be seen again. I posted a thread about this recently.

    - At work, I am having an incredibly tough time performing maintenance on the reactor because every single time I fix something, something else stops working that was in perfect working order just the day before.

    - Also at work, I had never really sustained any injuries until the cookie took control. Since, I have had a thirty pound steel pipe fall directly on my head, have sliced my hand pretty good about 4 times, and have suffered a really bad case of glass fibers lodging into the skin of my face. Let me tell you, it burns really bad.

    - My girlfriend borrowed my house key and never returned it. I did not notice until she left for Spring Break and I had to break into my own house after work. This is a daily occurrence until she returns Sunday.

    - Twice I have ordered parts for several groups within my research center. Both times, everyone's parts have arrived but mine because the company I order from forgot to pack them.

    - Today I find out my checking account has been robbed for about $150 by a Pizza Hut in the United Kingdom. So I had to cancel my card and will now wait two weeks for a new one.

    - Miscellaneous minor things such as spilling drinks or dropping entire meals on the floor are occurring almost daily.

    Everyone... I urge... Nay, plead you... Avoid fortune cookies at all costs! No good can come from them. Save yourselves from a lifetime of rotten luck. I will continue my quest for a cookie that can reverse my fortune, only because I can only go up from this lowly state I am in. If anyone has a good witch doctor, I could sure use the reference.

  2. #2
    TonyDanza's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 04

    Wow....remind me to not get near you. I got enough crap to deal with already.

    Seriously you should maybe think about staying home.