Coaching style or bullying?

Old schoolers are probably of the opinion that yelling is acceptable in coaching still, which to some degree I do agree as long as it's motivating and not degrading. What's the opinion now though with the following & how should it be handled by the athlete/parents/school?

Belittling athletes in front of their peers such as calling them gutless, heartless, questioning an athletes loyalty towards winning a game they are playing against athletes they have known for years, or telling them to get off the field/court and get another player that can do it right.

Intimidating athletes after complaint filed by parents by telling them that past players have played under the same circumstances and no one complained about the coaching before, so what is wrong with it now.

Putting hands on athlete during a time of anger between coach/player.

Calling an athlete out for trying to be an individual and think they are better than the rest & told to change or leave practice when they wear a school TEAM shirt that happens to be a color other than school colors HOWEVER....the very same shirt is worn at practice previously by other players & other players even allowed to wear non school colors and club team shirts/sweats but nothing said to those athletes to change or leave practice.

After a lost game, telling the entire team that they pray none of the athletes are ever raped, because they are too weak to do anything about it.

Acceptable/not acceptable? Grounds for dismissal of coaching duties or not? Just coaching style or bullying?

The comment around being weak and I won't say the word is completely out of line and in my opinion is grounds for immediate removal. Assuming this is true!

I will assume this is not hypothetical.

At least two of those are cause for termination IMO.

I think sports should be fun. Nothing in post #1 sounds all that fun.

Definitely crosses the line in some of these instances.

This is tough for me because I played things such as little league baseball with old school coaching and thrived in it. Loved every second of it. I'm not defending any of these actions if they are indeed true. Please don't feel that I am. I recognize that everyone is different and everyone handles things differently from one another. I also like when things stay in the locker room. A lot of times it is better that way. When things like this reach outside of the locker room and complaints are filed and the coach is warned I expect the coach to not only tone it down but to also not make it a personal issue with the student athlete. I think when the coach is intentionally taking it out on the student athlete it becomes personal and is no longer coaching style it is then bullying.


Did that make sense?

I have seen a lot of coaches and styles in my time. One coach in particular (who coached junior and high school age boys) could say a lot of those things and get away with it because the boys idolized him and trusted him. Most coaches would never get away with it...especially if the players don't trust the coach. I don't think this kind of coaching ever works with girls/women.

Originally Posted by PurplePride92

Definitely crosses the line in some of these instances.

This is tough for me because I played things such as little league baseball with old school coaching and thrived in it. Loved every second of it. I'm not defending any of these actions if they are indeed true. Please don't feel that I am. I recognize that everyone is different and everyone handles things differently from one another. I also like when things stay in the locker room. A lot of times it is better that way. When things like this reach outside of the locker room and complaints are filed and the coach is warned I expect the coach to not only tone it down but to also not make it a personal issue with the student athlete. I think when the coach is intentionally taking it out on the student athlete it becomes personal and is no longer coaching style it is then bullying.


Did that make sense?

It makes sense to me & I do agree that there are some things that should stay between coach/players but then again there are certainly some things that absolutely need to not stay between just them that are inappropriate and should be addressed by adults.

Originally Posted by SoftballFan14

It makes sense to me & I do agree that there are some things that should stay between coach/players but then again there are certainly some things that absolutely need to not stay between just them that are inappropriate and should be addressed by adults.

I do agree with that. How the coach responds after it is addressed by adults should determine that coach's fate.

This particular scenario seems very sketchy to me and I hope for the kid's sake that it is properly handled if this is indeed a true situation.

If this is true or not the coach should be fired for at LEAST 3 of those comments. As a coach you have many tasks / things to attend to...these comments actions are not helpful or teaching tools in any way...You are NEVER allowed to put your hands on a kid in anger PERIOD.

If I am in charge that coach would be fired immediately for the touching alone. As a parent they should report the incidents to the AD, Principal, & Super, if this is a school team. I hope this is hypothetical!

I would like to know more about putting their hands on an athlete (that is very vague) and after that I will be able to make a decision. The comment about being raped is unacceptable (if that is what was said) and should be looked into further. Other than these two, I have no problem with the concerns that are stated. Back in my playing days, the coach chewed us out, singled us out and called us things that I can't mention on here. Did that scare me or make me a lesser person? "NO"!! WOW, how times have changed!

Just like a lot of things in life you have to know who your audience is and how they(and their parents) might respond. Like Clyde said some of those examples are out of line. I don't think you have to tell an athlete they're gutless or heartless, but wouldn't see a problem with a coach calling out his team and telling them they're dead out there and not playing with any emotion or heart. You want to call in to question their focus or effort at that given moment perhaps but not their character and if you've had to call them out and raised your voice in the process explain to them why you are upset, that you know they're better than how they're playing/performing and you expect more out of them. A coach has to be careful with how he/she approaches athletes especially young athletes because they're very impressionable and could end up spending days trying to figure out why coach went off on them when said coach may not even realize how it's effected their athlete.

Originally Posted by sportsfan41

Just like a lot of things in life you have to know who your audience is and how they(and their parents) might respond. Like Clyde said some of those examples are out of line. I don't think you have to tell an athlete they're gutless or heartless, but wouldn't see a problem with a coach calling out his team and telling them they're dead out there and not playing with any emotion or heart. You want to call in to question their focus or effort at that given moment perhaps but not their character and if you've had to call them out and raised your voice in the process explain to them why you are upset, that you know they're better than how they're playing/performing and you expect more out of them. A coach has to be careful with how he/she approaches athletes especially young athletes because they're very impressionable and could end up spending days trying to figure out why coach went off on them when said coach may not even realize how it's effected their athlete.

Absolutely agree with it being done that way, wish that were the case.

Agree with madman the rape thing is unacceptable & I had coaches that said unmentionable stuff, but b/c is was done back in the day does not make it the right way to do things. Sure, coaches are gonna lose it & say stuff at times, but this scenario seems worse than isolated etc.

The important part of "putting your hands" on a kid is not doing it in anger...

There are numerous athletes in this current generation that I deem as spoiled and soft. They have been coddled from the crib.

I feel sorry for these kids who have friends for parents. I am a parent. That is not our role. I love my kids as much as anyone here.

When my son was old enough to play sports, I purposely put him on a team who had a coach who shared my old school values and was tough in every sense of the word. He helped make my son mentally tough. That is key. One must be mentally tough to survive. So many of today's kids are not. They are mentally weak and break easily.

Kids and parents will continue to transfer to find easier paths. It's sad but reality. I see it everyday.

Originally Posted by RomanEmpire

There are numerous athletes in this current generation that I deem as spoiled and soft. They have been coddled from the crib.

I feel sorry for these kids who have friends for parents. I am a parent. That is not our role. I love my kids as much as anyone here.

When my son was old enough to play sports, I purposely put him on a team who had a coach who shared my old school values and was tough in every sense of the word. He helped make my son mentally tough. That is key. One must be mentally tough to survive. So many of today's kids are not. They are mentally weak and break easily.

Kids and parents will continue to transfer to find easier paths. It's sad but reality. I see it everyday.

Well said. Some kids and parents just can't handle the old school approach. "It is what it is".

Put me in the camp that believes you can be an old school coach without crossing the line like it appears this coach did.

Originally Posted by RomanEmpire

There are numerous athletes in this current generation that I deem as spoiled and soft. They have been coddled from the crib.

I feel sorry for these kids who have friends for parents. I am a parent. That is not our role. I love my kids as much as anyone here.

When my son was old enough to play sports, I purposely put him on a team who had a coach who shared my old school values and was tough in every sense of the word. He helped make my son mentally tough. That is key. One must be mentally tough to survive. So many of today's kids are not. They are mentally weak and break easily.

Kids and parents will continue to transfer to find easier paths. It's sad but reality. I see it everyday.

Is it about the easier path or teaching your kids right from wrong? You let your kids experience wrongdoings because you don't want to make them soft?

Originally Posted by SoftballFan14

Is it about the easier path or teaching your kids right from wrong? You let your kids experience wrongdoings because you don't want to make them soft?

You and I obviously have a different definition of "wrongdoings". It's all good, we just have very different philosophies. My son has turned out pretty good in all phases of his life. Your "cross the line" is much different than mine. Best of luck.

After a lost game, telling the entire team that they pray none of the athletes are ever raped, because they are too weak to do anything about it.


So I'm the only one that thinks that a coach telling this to high school girls demands removal of the coach IMMEDIATELY?

Originally Posted by Clyde

After a lost game, telling the entire team that they pray none of the athletes are ever raped, because they are too weak to do anything about it.


So I'm the only one that thinks that a coach telling this to high school girls demands removal of the coach IMMEDIATELY?

I'm in agreement with you Clyde!!