Coaching style or bullying?

These are what if's, but what if the following happened in the course of a season or practice?

Coach told a player to get here fat *&* off the court. I've seen faster turtles.
Coach smelled a player and said you stink, get off of my court. You are not worthy.

Would these be reasons to transfer? Are these examples of "crossing the line"?

Just curious.

Originally Posted by RomanEmpire

These are what if's, but what if the following happened in the course of a season or practice?

Coach told a player to get here fat *&* off the court. I've seen faster turtles.
Coach smelled a player and said you stink, get off of my court. You are not worthy.

Would these be reasons to transfer? Are these examples of "crossing the line"?

Just curious.

No reason to transfer IMO. Reason to question whether the coach had a mentality of a 6th grader, but not to transfer.

Originally Posted by PurplePride92

Crosses the line big time. Immediate grounds for dismissal.

It's a four letter word defined as forcefully violating a person. The sex of the coach and player does not matter.

Originally Posted by RomanEmpire

These are what if's, but what if the following happened in the course of a season or practice?

Coach told a player to get here fat *&* off the court. I've seen faster turtles.
Coach smelled a player and said you stink, get off of my court. You are not worthy.

Would these be reasons to transfer? Are these examples of "crossing the line"?

Just curious.

That's a good one.

In all seriousness, I think it would depend on the coach and what kind of a rapport he/she has with the players.

Originally Posted by RomanEmpire

These are what if's, but what if the following happened in the course of a season or practice?

Coach told a player to get here fat *&* off the court. I've seen faster turtles.
Coach smelled a player and said you stink, get off of my court. You are not worthy.

Would these be reasons to transfer? Are these examples of "crossing the line"?

Just curious.

Not sure about transferring but this is still very inapropriate.

Originally Posted by RomanEmpire

These are what if's, but what if the following happened in the course of a season or practice?

Coach told a player to get here fat *&* off the court. I've seen faster turtles.
Coach smelled a player and said you stink, get off of my court. You are not worthy.

Would these be reasons to transfer? Are these examples of "crossing the line"?

Just curious.

Sensitivity training isn't always a requirement for coaches, and depending on the player and/or the team such statements may be received as just razzing or banter and dismissed...in other situations the coach may be considered rude and condescending and the players will hate him/her.

Relating the discussion to a college athlete, however, the idea of a transfer is more difficult because, if the player is on scholarship and unless the player is a star recruit, they may be making a decision whether to play and get their education (or some of it) paid for, versus giving up a scholarship opportunity altogether. It is really tough choice.

Originally Posted by Clyde

After a lost game, telling the entire team that they pray none of the athletes are ever raped, because they are too weak to do anything about it.


So I'm the only one that thinks that a coach telling this to high school girls demands removal of the coach IMMEDIATELY?

I too am in agreement with you Clyde!

Originally Posted by Clyde

I guess I need to see what examples are on the "same level." If a coach said that to my daughter and her teammates I would not let anything short of the dismissal stop me from raising a stink. If the school system then still determined that the coach was fit to be around young ladies I'd have to ask myself if my child was in the right school system. This isn't an example of a coach being a "screamer." This goes way beyond that.

I have also heard that these supposed statements did not happen by the coach, but that the player who transfered publically cussed the coach up one side and down the other during a game. The parent of the player continued the cause after the game. Lets talk a little more about the actions of the kids and parents involved.

Originally Posted by plainspoken

I have also heard that these supposed statements did not happen by the coach, but that the player who transfered publically cussed the coach up one side and down the other during a game. The parent of the player continued the cause after the game. Lets talk a little more about the actions of the kids and parents involved.

Plainspoken,

If this transferred player actually cussed or even disrespected the coach then there would be something to talk about. However, since I am the parent of this player I can tell you that never did my daughter do either. Nor did I, even though there were plenty of times I would have liked to. There are a lot of things I'd like to say to these coaches but I am sure they are fully aware of what I think about them. Maybe as the story has been passed along between people the facts got jumbled a bit? There was a player that did call the coach a name after a game (hardly cussing her up and down), but it was done after the coach had physically grabbed her arm in anger. Both of those actions were uncalled for & should have been handled differently.

As for the statement made by the coach, what would these girls (at least 6 of them that I am aware of) that confirmed the statement gain in lying about it? And I guess the parent that overheard the conversation between 3 of them after it was said, is part of the lie too?

Originally Posted by SoftballFan14

Plainspoken,

If this transferred player actually cussed or even disrespected the coach then there would be something to talk about. However, since I am the parent of this player I can tell you that never did my daughter do either. Nor did I, even though there were plenty of times I would have liked to. There are a lot of things I'd like to say to these coaches but I am sure they are fully aware of what I think about them. Maybe as the story has been passed along between people the facts got jumbled a bit? There was a player that did call the coach a name after a game (hardly cussing her up and down), but it was done after the coach had physically grabbed her arm in anger. Both of those actions were uncalled for & should have been handled differently.

As for the statement made by the coach, what would these girls (at least 6 of them that I am aware of) that confirmed the statement gain in lying about it? And I guess the parent that overheard the conversation between 3 of them after it was said, is part of the lie too?

If this happened, then it should be taken where it needs to go. There are people that are not those coaches being just as adament that it didn't happen. One thing seems fairly clear, there has been a lack of control and discipline from several individuals when it comes to this matter. What was the original issue that you and your daughter were displeased with?

Originally Posted by plainspoken

If this happened, then it should be taken where it needs to go. There are people that are not those coaches being just as adament that it didn't happen. One thing seems fairly clear, there has been a lack of control and discipline from several individuals when it comes to this matter. What was the original issue that you and your daughter were displeased with?

As with everything in life, there are always 2 sides to every story. When there is a pattern of behavior over many years that has followed these coaches around from multiple schools and personally experiencing within my household, I know what I believe. But that most certainly does not mean everyone will believe it. But now that it's out there, I bet that one of two things will happen.....these coaches will finally change their bullying ways and coach like they should or parents eyes & ears will be a little more open to things happening on the team & speak up for their kids well being rather than just accepting it as the norm. At least that's my hope for the players that continue with the team. There will always be those parents though that relive their youth through their kids and allow anything to be said and done. Those kids pay the price for what their parents find acceptable. And I have to admit that our family was guilty of allowing bad behavior for a while. That is because our daughter felt the treatment would only be worse if we approached the coaches. So we remained quiet and watched for their actions to get to an unacceptable point. That point came when the coach felt it was okay to grab a player in anger. We knew then that we were done accepting unacceptable behavior. And we did take it where it needed to go and followed the proper chain of command, starting directly with the coaches. That only made the situation worse..............thus, our daughter was removed from it all and everyone is happy!!

Originally Posted by SoftballFan14

As with everything in life, there are always 2 sides to every story. When there is a pattern of behavior over many years that has followed these coaches around from multiple schools and personally experiencing within my household, I know what I believe. But that most certainly does not mean everyone will believe it. But now that it's out there, I bet that one of two things will happen.....these coaches will finally change their bullying ways and coach like they should or parents eyes & ears will be a little more open to things happening on the team & speak up for their kids well being rather than just accepting it as the norm. At least that's my hope for the players that continue with the team. There will always be those parents though that relive their youth through their kids and allow anything to be said and done. Those kids pay the price for what their parents find acceptable. And I have to admit that our family was guilty of allowing bad behavior for a while. That is because our daughter felt the treatment would only be worse if we approached the coaches. So we remained quiet and watched for their actions to get to an unacceptable point. That point came when the coach felt it was okay to grab a player in anger. We knew then that we were done accepting unacceptable behavior. And we did take it where it needed to go and followed the proper chain of command, starting directly with the coaches. That only made the situation worse..............thus, our daughter was removed from it all and everyone is happy!!

What led to the grabbing of the arm in anger. Obviously it is not right, but what was said or done to the coach to get that response?

Originally Posted by plainspoken

What led to the grabbing of the arm in anger. Obviously it is not right, but what was said or done to the coach to get that response?

The player isn't my daughter so I don't know specifics to what led up to it other what was told to me. She was yelled at & belittled on the field for missing a throw down that was thrown directly into the path of the runner coming in to third (I did see this play), subsequently getting by her and the runner scored. I was told the yelling continued when she reached the dugout & when she thought the coach was done talking turned away from her. That is when the coach grabbed her arm and spun her back around for more belittling (this part I was not witness too, but did speak to 2 adults that did see the arm grab but were not close enough to hear the actual conversation)......and I am aware that there was another adult that denies she was ever even grabbed. It's all in which version you believe. I chose to believe the player, probably because of that whole pattern and things I have seen and heard myself before this game.....others will believe what they want.

But as you stated, it's obviously not right, no matter what the player did or said. Coaches are the adults & need to act accordingly. If there is any discipline needed for a players actions, address it when the tempers have calmed down. Nothing good is accomplished when done in time of anger.

Originally Posted by SoftballFan14

The player isn't my daughter so I don't know specifics to what led up to it other what was told to me. She was yelled at & belittled on the field for missing a throw down that was thrown directly into the path of the runner coming in to third (I did see this play), subsequently getting by her and the runner scored. I was told the yelling continued when she reached the dugout & when she thought the coach was done talking turned away from her. That is when the coach grabbed her arm and spun her back around for more belittling (this part I was not witness too, but did speak to 2 adults that did see the arm grab but were not close enough to hear the actual conversation)......and I am aware that there was another adult that denies she was ever even grabbed. It's all in which version you believe. I chose to believe the player, probably because of that whole pattern and things I have seen and heard myself before this game.....others will believe what they want.

But as you stated, it's obviously not right, no matter what the player did or said. Coaches are the adults & need to act accordingly. If there is any discipline needed for a players actions, address it when the tempers have calmed down. Nothing good is accomplished when done in time of anger.

Once again different versions from different people. I have heard during this incident that the player was calling the coach some very inappropriate names and the coach was actually trying to retreat from the situation. I personally don't believe that a coach should ever allow any disrespect to occur from a player or a parent. I also don't believe that a player should expect to not have a coach raise their voice to them. Part of playing organized sports is learning accountability to a superior and toughness. During this grabbing incident, what do you think would have happened if the coach would have immidiately had the player removed from the field and the team? Would the team have been better off? These versions that I am hearing are from another parent who wants no one else to coach his daughter. I don't know the Ryle coaches, but this parent thinks they do things the right way. I struggle with this term bullying. I feel like today every time something is said to a kid that is harsh to elicite a change or response gets this label. I really think we need to reexamine how thin our skins have gotten in this society. Did any of these coaches ever put a player in danger, or are we talking about hurting feelings and adjusting attitudes? As far as doing things in anger, I would disagree. Many effective things have been done in anger, both on the field and off.

Originally Posted by plainspoken

Once again different versions from different people. I have heard during this incident that the player was calling the coach some very inappropriate names and the coach was actually trying to retreat from the situation. I personally don't believe that a coach should ever allow any disrespect to occur from a player or a parent. I also don't believe that a player should expect to not have a coach raise their voice to them. Part of playing organized sports is learning accountability to a superior and toughness. During this grabbing incident, what do you think would have happened if the coach would have immidiately had the player removed from the field and the team? Would the team have been better off? These versions that I am hearing are from another parent who wants no one else to coach his daughter. I don't know the Ryle coaches, but this parent thinks they do things the right way. I struggle with this term bullying. I feel like today every time something is said to a kid that is harsh to elicite a change or response gets this label. I really think we need to reexamine how thin our skins have gotten in this society. Did any of these coaches ever put a player in danger, or are we talking about hurting feelings and adjusting attitudes? As far as doing things in anger, I would disagree. Many effective things have been done in anger, both on the field and off.

I do not have a problem with my daughter being yelled at, if done in a positive motivating manner. IMO, these coaches do not yell in a positive way. They belittle and demean their way of "motivating". What is your definition of bullying?

It's a great country we all live in, that's what gives us each a right to feel/think what we do & if this parent wants his kids to play for these coaches then more power to him. I probably know exactly which parent you have talked to & if it is, I know he's okay with physically placing his hands on kids because he said so out of his own mouth that he would have personally gone out on the field during this missed play and grabbed the back of the players jersey and yanked her off the field!! So he obviously has the same beliefs on coaching style they do. Again, more power to him/them on what they find acceptable.